Beginnings
by livsgirl
Summary: Every relationship has a beginning. What if Alex and Olivia's beginning was while Olivia was in the academy and Alex in law school. AU
1. It Starts

**A/N: I know its been a while since I posted anything. Sorry work has been very hectic. I need to start by saying thank you to Samantha.2012 for this idea. I hope you enjoy what I have written so far. The statue codes used at the end are from Georgia where I am a officer. I know nothing of the statue codes for New York**

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><p>Olivia walked in the small café and looked around. They were unusually busy for this time in the evening and Olivia was starting to think there were no tables available. That was until she spotted the booth at the back of the café and quickly made her way to it.. She slung her book bag off her shoulders and tossed it on the table as she slid into the booth. She was pulling her books from her bag when, Alexandra Cabot, the blonde hair waitress she had become friends with approached her table.<p>

"What's on the agenda this week?" Alex asked as she sat a cup of coffee on the table in front of Olivia.

Olivia couldn't help but smile when her brown eyes meat the sky blue eyes that was starting to haunt her sleep. What little sleep she was getting going through the academy.

"Sixteen codes" Olivia answered as she motioned for Alex to join her "What about you? What are you studying now?"

"Tort Law and Courtroom Demeanor"

"Wow, Lex that just sounds exciting." Olivia said with laughter in her voice and a small twinkle in her eye.

"Oh yeah, a regular Saturday night at the club Let me tell you." Alex responded as she playfully smacked at Olivia "Listen I have to get back to work so if you need anything just wave."

"I will Lex and thanks."

"Anything for the future New York finest." Alex almost whispered as she tussled Olivia's short brown hair before cupping her face in her hand and gently brushing her thumb across Olivia's cheek

Olivia suppressed the moan that threatened to escape her lips and somehow fought off the desire to turn and kiss Alex's hand. Something that Olivia was finding harder and harder to do each day.

Alex looked into Olivia's eyes and could see the desire in them. It was a far cry from the pain and exhaustion she saw in them on a regular basis. She took a deep breath and pulled herself from Olivia. She knew if she didn't get back to work soon she would be ripping Olivia's clothes off her in the middle of the café. With a reluctant smile Alex turned and walked away.

Olivia watched Alex walk away and wondered how much longer they were going to play the song and dance they had been playing. It was plain that both of them were interested in each other but neither were willing to take a chance. Maybe just maybe when her life slowed down she would ask Alex out. With a wishful sigh Olivia turned her attention back to her books and began studying.

Alex looked up from where she was cleaning off a table. She felt her heart tug at the sight before her. Olivia was so tired that she was struggling to keep her head up. In the short time she had been watching her she had dropped her pen atleast three times and head bobbed just as many.

Alex tossed the towel back into the bucket and started to make her way toward Olivia making sure she could be heard as she approached her. A lesson she had learned within a few weeks of Olivia coming in to the café.

Olivia smiled as she felt Alex approach her. She smiled as she looked up at Alex

"Time to close?"

"No not time to close but definitely time for you to take a break and get some rest."

"The test is tomorrow, Alex. I have to study."

"You have crammed and done none stop study sessions every night before a test. You know the stuff before you even sit down to study. Take a break, go home early and get some extra sleep."

"I can't I have to pass this test with a ninety or above."

"Can I ask why?"

"If I pass it with a ninety or above I remain in the running for honor graduate."

"Can I ask why is it so important to be honor graduate?"

Olivia looked at Alex as a sad smile crossed her face "It's personal."

Alex nodded at the answer and didn't try to probe any further. She reached across the table and pulled Olivia's books to her.

"What are you doing?" Olivia asked as she reached for the books but Alex kept them out of her reach.

"I am going to quiz you. If you know what I ask you go home. If not stay and I'll help you study more. Deal?"

"Deal?"

Alex smiled as she opened the code book up "16-5-1?"

"That ones easy Lex Its murder."

"Right now define the code section to me."

"It has to be with malice and forethought causes the death of another human being."

"Correct. Now what is the difference between voluntary and involuntary manslaughter?"

"Involuntary Manslaughter is you cause the death of another person with out intent in the commission of an unlawful act except for felonies. Voluntary Manslaughter is where causing the death of another under circumstances which would other wise be murder."

"Ok You detain or confine a person without legal authority?"

"False Imprisonment 16-5-41"

"Right." Alex said as she flipped a few pages "What about 16-5-90?"

"Stalking. A person commits offense of stalking when they folow places under surveillance or contacts another person without the consent of said person. It becomes aggravated stalking when accused violates a TPO."

"Olivia you know this as well as most lawyers."

"I don't need to just know it I need to master it."

"Ok define burglary and give me the section code."

"Person commits burglary when they without authority and with intent to commit a felony enters the residence of another, 16-7-1."

"What is Arson?"

"16-7-60."

"What is the statue code for theft by shoplifting and what makes it a felony?"

"16-8-14 is the code and if the amount is over three hundred it becomes a felony."

"Correct. Now what are the different ways to commit robbery?"

"By force, by intimidation, or sudden snatching, and armed robbery."

"You only have three more code sections marked and you're yet to get one wrong. Do you want me to ask you those or are you willing to accept you know the law. Probably better than I do."

"I rather be safe than sorry. Do you mind going over those three?"

"Not at all. Define theft by deception and give me the code section."

"Theft by deception is when one obtains property by deceitful means with the intent of depriving the rightful owner. 16-8-3"

"Now what is 16-8-2?"

"Theft by Taking."

"Which is?"

"subject commits theft by taking when they unlawfully take or appropriates any property of another with the intent of depriving rightful and legal owner."

"Last one what is it?"

"Theft by conversion, 16-8-4."

"Right now define it."

"A person commits offense of theft by conversion when they lawfully obtain funds or property of another and then knowingly converts said funds for his own use."

Alex closed the code book and began to put it back in Olivia's book bag. She slid out of the booth as she zipped the bag close.

"Now go home and rest. You will do the citizens of New York no good if you are exhausted." Alex ordered as she handed Olivia the book bag.

Olivia took the book bag from Alex as she stood and slung it over her shoulder. "Thanks Alex."

"Anytime."

Olivia turned and started to walk to the door. She caught a reflection of Alex watching her as she left. There was no mistaking the want that was written all over her face. Olivia spun on her heels and laughed at the deer in the headlight look Alex gave when she realized she had been busted. With a smile on her face she advanced toward Alex with a purpose.

"Alex I want to ask you something?" Olivia whispered as she closed the gap between them.

Alex simply nodded unable to find her voice with Olivia so close.

"I may be reading the signals all wrong but I was wondering if you would like to go out some time."

"Yes. I would love to."


	2. Academy

**A/N: I would like to thank everyone who has started reading this story. I'm amazed at the amount of readers and reviews I have for the first chapter. Thank you so much.**

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><p>Olivia walked up and handed her instructor her test and then quietly made her way out of the room. She felt great going into the test. She knew all the answers last night when Alex quizzed her but there were some trick questions that she was now unsure of. She could only pray that she didn't miss too many questions.<p>

Olivia glanced at the clock as she left the classroom. She had thirty minutes left of the allotted hour for the test. As nervous as she was she decided to run some of it out on the stairs. After about fifteen minutes of running stairs Olivia felt calmer and headed back for her hallway. The last thing she wanted to be was late reentering the room from a test. The last cadet who did that endured a ten minute ass chewing followed by everyone having to do a hundred pushups. She for one wanted to strangle the cadet herself after she completed the pushups.

Olivia jumped to her feet when she saw the green light flicker on signaling them clearance to return. She filed in silently behind her fellow trainees and took her seat.

"Attention, Staff on Deck" The guide shouted as the instructors entered the room.

"What the hell did you pussy do last night?" The head drill instructor shouted "Were you out drinking or just decide the criminal codes were not that important."

Olivia felt her heart sink as the drill instructor began ranting

"No Drill instructor, Sir" Everyone shouted together.

"You could have fooled me. I swear to you I have never seen worse grades in my entire career. My five year old daughter could have done better than each and every one of you. What the hell am I saying I know she would out do everyone of ya'll"

"Yes drill instructor, sir"

"Do you little panty wearing asses have anything to say."

"We're sorry drill instructor."

"Well I'll be damned everyone got one thing right today you are sorry. The sorriest bunch I have trained to date. Now take your seats."

"Sir yes sir." Everyone shouted again as they took their seats.

The drill instructor began walking around as he shuffled through the test papers.

"Cadet Jones wonderful job." The instructor said as he slapped the paper down on the table "a sixty fucking four."

The instructor continued down the row of cadets "Cadet Campbell how did you think you did?"

"Not good drill instructor sir."

"Damn straight not good you made a whole whopping fifty six. What the hell did you do last night?"

"Studied sir."

"Not enough."

"Cadet Benson" the drill instructor shouted as he came to stand in front of her. "On your feet Cadet Benson."

Olivia jumped to her feet as she felt her heart start pounding out of her chest "Yes sir drill instructor."

"Center of the room now."

Olivia quickly went to the front of the class room and snapped to attention.

The drill instructor marched over to where she stood.

"What did you do last night Cadet Benson?"

"Sir studied sir."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Sir yes sir."

"You know what cadet. I believe you. Do you want to know why?"

"Sir yes sir."

"Because Cadet Benson you scored the highest. Your test score is a 98. You missed one fucking question. As a matter of fact you're the only one to score an a."

"Sir thank you sir."

The drill instructor turned to face the rest of the class "It appears that cadet Benson is the only one to have self discipline. The rest of you need to be taught it." The Drill instructor looked at everyone before shouting "Hit the floor!"

Every cadet assumed the push up position and waited for the instructor to start sounding off.

"Each and every one of you is disgrace to this department, this uniform, and most importantly to this badge." The drill instructor turned and noticed that Olivia was on the floor in the push up position "Cadet Benson you made the highest score why the hell are you on the floor?"

"Sir my classmates are my team. There is no I in team sir."

"I'll be damned I have one cadet who understands that law enforcement is a team and family. Every damn one of you need to thank Cadet Benson. She just made my heart bleed. Everyone on your feet."

Everyone jumped to their feet instantly in the position of attention.

"Guide call the class. I don't want to see any of these sorry asses until 0730 Monday morning." The drill instructor ordered as he marched from the class room.

"Class ATTENTION" the guide called out per protocol "Class will resume at 0730 Monday morning. Class Dis-missed."

Olivia quickly gathered her belongings and headed for the locker room. Normally after class on the weekends Olivia would be in the training room but this weekend was different. She found herself wanting to leave and see Alex.

Alex had her back to the door wiping down a table when Olivia walked in. Not that that mattered. She knew it was Olivia without ever having to turn around. It was something about the way her body came alive whenever Olivia was in a room always told her she was near.

Alex's breath caught in her throat when she turned around and her eyes met Olivia's.

Olivia was leaning against the door with a cocky smile across her face. She was wearing black jeans with a black shirt that seemed to form and define every muscle of her taunt stomach. What really set it off was the black leather jacket she was wearing.

Alex tossed the rag on the table and slowly made her way through the maze of tables. There was a smile of appreciation that crossed her lips when she noticed how Olivia was looking at her. As she got closer to Olivia she put a little extra sway in her hips noticing how Olivia's eyes darkened when she did.

"I didn't think I would see you till next Thursday."

"Normally you wouldn't" Olivia responded as she reached out and pulled Alex to her "But I passed my test thanks to you. I made the highest score in the class a 98."

Alex wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck "Anything to help New York's finest"

"When you say anything do you mean anything?" Olivia asked as mischief entered her eyes.

Alex gently swatted the back of Olivia's head "I am a lady so I do have my limits."

"That you are and that you shall be treated as. I was wondering if you would like to go out tomorrow night."

"That sounds wonderful but could we make it Sunday instead I always work double shifts on Saturdays."

"Sunday it is. Now where do you live so I can pick you up?"

"Right here."

"In the diner. Now I've heard being married to your job but that is ridiculous."

Alex laughed "No I rent a small one bedroom apartment above the diner. The entrance is on the side of the building. I'm apartment 2."

"I will see you Sunday at one then" Olivia said as she released Alex "By the look of the cook I need to let you get back to work."

Alex glanced over her shoulder and noticed the look she was getting "yeah I guess so. I'll see you on Sunday."


	3. First date

**A/N: I'm sorry for the delay in the chapter. I know most of my readers are use to a chapter a day but my job at work has changed so I can no longer write like I use to. Some of you all have either PM me or in the review asked questions about Alex working in the cafe. I've used this chapter to answer that question and hopefully any unanswered ones you may have had. I hope this chapter makes sense. I have tried to make all corrections needed but truthfully I wrote this chapter while having one on one time with jose cuervo.**

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><p>Olivia double checked her bag and made sure she had everything she needed for the picnic lunch she had planned. She had found a quiet out of the way spot near the pond in central park. They would be secluded and able to enjoy a conversation without constant interruption yet still enjoy the scenery that was offered.<p>

Olivia paid the cabbie and walked around the side of the building. She stopped short when she saw a silver hard top convertible BMW parked by the side of the building. It wasn't the fact that there was a high priced car parked that stopped her but it was the personalized license plate. It read Alex's.

Olivia shook her head and headed through the door to go upstairs. There was no way that the Alex on the tag and the waitress she was taking out was one in the same. It had to be a customer who didn't want their prize possession scratched while they ran into the diner to eat.

Olivia took the stairs two at a time. When she reached the top of the stairs she stopped and took a breath to calm her nerves. Not that it seemed to work when she knocked on the door.

Alex swung the door open and smiled when she saw Olivia standing there. She was dressed in jeans and a light blue button up shirt topped off with the same black leather jacket she was wearing the other day.

"Hey come on in" Alex said as she stepped a side "You look good."

"Thanks" Olivia said as she stepped in "You look good too."

"Please have a seat. I'll be ready in just a minute I promise."

"There's no need to rush Alex, take your time." Olivia said as she took a seat on the couch.

Alex looked at Olivia amazed the few women she had dated in the past always seemed to be irritated that she wasn't ready when they arrived. Olivia looked as if she could truly care less.

Olivia watched Alex walk into what she was guessing was the bedroom before looking around. The apartment was small but had a very homey feeling. Olivia noticed some pictures hanging on the wall and stood up to inspect them closer. They were of Alex and who Olivia could only guess was her family. She could see the happiness radiating off of everyone in the picture. The one thing she always wanted but never had.

Alex stepped out of her bedroom and stopped when she saw Olivia looking at the pictures of her family. She saw the sadness that seemed to consume Olivia as she looked at the pictures. The look on Olivia's face tore at her heart and made her want to erase all the pain of her past.

"I'm ready if you are?"

With years of experience masking the pain Olivia put on her happy face and turned to face Alex. "I am if you are."

"Lets blow this joint."

Olivia could fall over from laughter hearing Alex say those words. "I hope you don't mind a picnic in central park. I found a seclude spot near the lake on my run yesterday. That is unless you would like a place more public." Olivia added as an after thought realizing that Alex really didn't know her outside the café.

"The secluded spot is fine. Besides how are we going to get to know each other if we have to dodge people playing football or Frisbee."

Twenty minutes later Olivia was laying the blanket she had folded in her bag out flat. She made sure everything was perfect before helping Alex down to the ground.

"How long will it take you to relax around me?" Alex asked as she settled on the blanket.

"Depends" Olivia answered as she settled next to Alex "How long is it going to take you to tell me the truth about yourself."

Alex looked at her with shock written all over her face.

"I am training to be a cop Alex. So what's the deal?"

"What have you figured out so far?"

"Let's see. After seeing the furniture in your apartment and the photos of you and your family I know the convertible BMW in the alley is yours. I know those jeans didn't come off the local clearance rack either. I can only imagine what the shirt cost you to."

"You're right" Alex said as she hung her head "I have money and plenty of it. When I turn twenty five that is. The car was my present from my grandparents when I graduated high school. The designer clothes I'm wearing is compliments of my fathers charge card."

Olivia leaned over and gently raised Alex's face so they were looking eye to eye. "Why work at the café?"

"My parents own it. I have worked their since I was fifteen and will continue till I find a job as a lawyer. They raised me to believe in working for what you want. The only thing that has been handed to me other than the car is my college tuition. "

"And your apartment."

"Actually no I pay rent to my parents every month out of my paychecks. I make minimum wage plus tips. Out of that I must pay rent, utilities, buy groceries and what ever else I may need. So Olivia I may be rich but my parents have never allowed me to be the spoiled little brat most people expect."

Unable to handle the hurt she saw in Alex's eyes she lean forward and gently kissed her. Pulling back just enough to where Alex felt Olivia's breath on her lips.

"I never said or thought you were a spoiled little brat." She whispered before gently kissing her again.

Alex wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck pulling her closer and deepening the kiss. She broke apart when the need for air became to great. She opened her eyes slowly scared that despite what Olivia said she would see judgment in her eyes. Instead there was nothing but respect and admiration in them.

"Now you." Alex whispered still breathless from the kiss that shook her like no others had. "Why law enforcement?"

"Its personal" Olivia said as she pulled away from Alex.

"I'm listening."

"What you want me to tell you so you can judge me? Not a chance blondie."

"Judge you? That's what you think I'm going to do? Olivia I have never seen someone put in the dedication that you have to becoming something. I would just like to know what is the driving force behind that. That's all."

"Fine. My mother was a victim once and never received the closure she deserved from the case. I don't want that to happen to other victims."

"I know this sounds wrong but I'm glad because who's to say we would have met if not."

Olivia looked at Alex astonished. She had no intentions of questioning her any further like the few people she had dated in the past. "You're not going to ask details?"

"No. I can tell its something you don't care to talk about. No need to push the issue."

"Thank you, Alex."

"For what?"

"Not probing any further. Believe me when I say its not first date material."

"Does the line its not first date material mean you are interested in having future dates?"

"That blondie is up to you."

"For the record I would love to have more dates with you."

Olivia simply smiled and acknowledge what Alex had said with a slight nod. For the remainder of the time they simply ate in silence and enjoyed each others company. It wasn't until the sky began to darken that they decided to pack it up and head back.

Olivia took Alex's keys from her and opened the door to her apartment.

"Alex I would like to thank you for an excellent time today. I would love to do this again sometime."

"So would I. What does the academy have in store for you next weekend?"

"Nothing with the exception of firearms, defense tactics, and EVOC our weekends are free. Why?"

"I'm thinking a repeat next Sunday. I'll cook dinner. Say five."

Olivia took a small step forward and laid a gently kiss on Alex's lips "Next Sunday at five it is."


	4. Dinner at Alex's

Alex double checked everything on the table for a second time. She had to make sure everything was perfect. She placed the single red rose that Olivia had brought her on Friday night as a surprise in the center of the table with candles on either side. She was carefully fixing the plates when she heard knocking on her door. She quickly lit the candles before running to answer it.

"You're early" Alex stated with a smile as she opened the door and stepped back to allow Olivia to enter.

"Did you expect me to be late blondie?"

Alex blushed "No"

"Smells good in here." Olivia said changing the subject when she noticed how much Alex blushed. Something told her she was waiting on her to let her down or stand her up.

"I didn't think to ask what you like other than coffee extra strong with lots of sugar and creamer. So I made meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and rolls."

"Sounds wonderful." Olivia said as she spun around and grabbed Alex around the waist pulling her to her "How are you?"

Alex sighed as Olivia pulled her in close and held her tight. There was something in the way Olivia held her made her feel so safe and secure. To a point it scared her because no one had ever made her feel like that before.

"Better now that you're here." Alex said without thinking. She buried her head into Olivia's chest embarrassed when she realized she spoke her first thought out loud.

"Hey beautiful" Olivia whispered as she gently raised her head so she could look in Alex's eyes "Something wrong."

"That kinda of slipped out."

"Don't feel bad or embarrassed because you said what you felt."

Alex couldn't help but smile at Olivia. She had a natural way of making her feel at ease "Thanks. You ready to eat?"

"I am if you are."

Alex led Olivia to the table. She walked over to her seat and was shocked to see Olivia followed and pulled her chair out for her. She sat down gently and allowed Olivia to push her closer to the table.

"I hope you like everything." Alex said as she watched Olivia take her seat.

"Trust me anything is better than the cardboard I eat on a daily basis."

"Is the academy food that bad?" Alex asked as she began to eat.

"It has its days trust me." Olivia answered as she took her first bite of meatloaf and thought she had died and gone to heaven. "My god this has to be the best meatloaf I've ever had."

"I'm glad you like it. It's a family recipe."

The rest of dinner was spent discussing what had happened during the week with each other and what they needed to do the rest of the week.

"Would you like some more?" Alex asked as she stood and carried her plate to the sink.

"If you wouldn't mind blondie I would love to have some more meatloaf."

"Olivia there is more than enough here." Alex said as she carried the pan back toward the table. "Please take what you would like."

Olivia raised her eyebrows at Olivia "Take what I like?"

Alex blushed when she realized what she said and how it sounded. .

"I umm" she started to say stumbling over her words.

Olivia started laughing which earned a smack from Alex.

When Alex turned to place the pan back on the counter Olivia quickly scooted her chair back and pulled Alex into her lap. She took the pan from Alex's hands and set it on the table before turning her full attention to Alex.

"You are absolutely stunning you realize that?" Olivia whispered as she caressed Alex's check.

"You better finish dinner before it gets cold." Alex answered not use to receiving compliments like Olivia gave her.

"Dinner can wait. Besides I'm use to eating cold meals now. Right now it's about you."

"Liv" Alex whispered as she raised her lips to Olivia's.

The kiss is slow, intense, and full of passion. They broke away only when the need for air became too great. Alex ran her fingers through Olivia's hair before kissing her again this time with more intensity and need than she had ever experienced before. Somewhere in the back of her mind an alarm sounded reminding her to stop. She did her best to push it away but was fighting a losing battle.

Olivia instantly noticed the change in Alex. She could tell Alex was fighting a demon within herself. Lord knew she fought plenty of her own. She broke the kiss but held Alex tight. After a few minutes when she had somehow calmed her raging libido and had found her voice she whispered "Why don't I finish dinner and help you with the dishes?"

"Thank you but you finish eating and I will start the dishes." Alex said as she stood and walked toward the sink.

The way Alex stood made it plain to Olivia that there was no point in arguing with her. Instead Olivia quickly finished her meal her eyes never leaving Alex's body or movements. When she finished she quietly walked up behind Alex and placed her plate in the dish water. She wrapped her arm around Alex's trim waist pulling her to her. She smiled when she felt Alex relax against her and sigh.

"Thank you for dinner." Olivia whispered in Alex's ear "Let me finish the dishes."

Alex closed her eyes and breathed deep. "Tell you what I'll let you wash your plate and I go find a movie for us to watch."

"Deal."

Olivia quickly washed her plate and silverware placing it in the dish drainer. She wiped down all the counters and table before tossing the rag in the sink and joining Alex on the couch.

"So what's your poison?" Olivia asked as she settled herself behind Alex.

"The proposal." Alex said as she laid back against Olivia and covered them both with the blanket she had on the back of the couch.

"Oh god don't tell me you're one of those hopeless romantic movie types."

"I am officer is that a problem." Alex asked as she started to sit back up.

Olivia quickly pulled her back against her body.

"Not at all, beautiful." She whispered before laying a kiss on top of Alex's head. "Hit play."

About twenty minutes into the movie Alex could feel the slow steady rise of Olivia's chest and the light snore coming from her. She was thankful that she finally relaxed enough to fall asleep. She could see the exhaustion written all over Olivia's face when she opened the door this evening. She also could see how she tried her best to mask it along with everything else she tried to mask with her. It was almost as if she didn't want to share or at least felt as if it would be too much of a burden to share whatever she was going through.

As the movie ended Alex quietly slipped out of Olivia's arms and covered her with the blanket she was using. She laid a gently kiss on her head laughing slightly when she saw the twitches of a smile form on her lips. Alex set her alarm for five am to make sure that Olivia would make it to class on time before slipping into bed. With a sigh of content knowing that Olivia was right outside her door Alex rolled over and quickly fell into a deep peaceful sleep.

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><p><strong>AN: I was at my old post last night and was able to write this chapter. Hope everyone likes it. As always reviews and suggestions are welcomed  
><strong>


	5. Defense Tactics

"Cadets file in and have a seat on the mat." The drill instructor ordered "there are a few things I would like to go over before we start redman training."

All the cadets filed in and sat cross legged on the mat.

"I want all of you to take this time and think about your reason to fight with all you have to survive a combat situation. Its not just our will to survive but it's the reason why we fight so hard to come out alive. It could be your wife or husband. A boyfriend or girlfriend. If you have children that could be why. Hell it could be your dog or cat for all I care."

The instructor stopped pacing the room and faced the class.

"I know the greatest honor of any officer is to die in the line of duty. That is the last thing we ever want. That means we have lost the battle that we have been waging since law enforcement was formed."

The drill instructor stopped talking and made sure everyone was still listening and paying attention to him. When he was certain they were paying attention he continued.

"Now I'm going to give you the chance to do what you need to do before you begin your tour, not when your in the fight for your life. Clear your mind and picture your reason to survive."

Olivia took a deep breath and closed her eyes. It shocked her when Alex's angelic face came into to focus. Alex was her reason for surviving.

"All right cadets time to start." The drill instructor said "remember we fight like we train and we train to survive. Now I would like to introduce defense tactics instructor Nelson."

Everyone turned their attention to the man that was walking in fully encased in a red rubber suit.

"Cadets I am Instructor Nelson. There are a few rules we need to set before we get started. The number one rule is there is no rules to fighting. You get as low and as dirty as you need to, to survive. That stands here on this mat with me also. I will get as low and as dirty as the perps will with you on the street. I WILL NOT hold back because you are cops. Do you understand?"

"Sir yes sir."

"With that said the same goes for you cadets. I DO NOT want any of you to hold back because I am your instructor. Do you understand?"

"Sir yes sir."

"Then lets start. Who's my first victim?"

"Cadet Benson on the mat." The drill instructor ordered.

Olivia quickly jumped to her feet. She walked to her spot facing the redman. She took one last deep breath as Alex's face flashed before her quickly. Before she knew what happened she was on the floor with Nelson on top of her.

"Fight Cadet or I'm going to kill you."

Olivia laid on the floor paralyzed unable to move. The words that Nelson was yelling at her was barelying registering as he began to choke her. As everything began to fade to darkness Alex's face flashed again. This time Olivia heard her pleading not to leave her. That was all it took for Olivia to snap out of the trance she was in.

Olivia quickly delivered a knee to the groin area. She slid her arms under his and wrapped her own hands around Nelsons neck and began chocking him. He quickly let go of Olivia's neck to remove her hands from his. She took this opportunity to deliver a right jab to his face followed by a left upper cut to the chin. Neither punch was as strong as she would have liked it to be because of her limited movement but it did the job.

As soon as he leaned up Olivia used all her body strength and weight and flipped them over. Nelson delivered a full punch to Olivia's mid section that sent her flying off him.

Olivia landed on her back gasping for air when she noticed that Nelson was coming at her from the side. He was going to kick her.

Using the lighting quick reflex's that kept her from the wrath of her mother she grabbed Nelson's foot and flipped him on his back. Jumping to her feet she moved quickly and dropped an elbow to his mid section. Not giving Nelson time to recover Olivia straddled Nelson and delivered repeated blows to his face.

Nelson raised his legs and wrapped them around Olivia's neck flipping her backwards. Not allowing Olivia the chance to recover he jumped to his feet and kicked Olivia twice in the abdomen. On the third kick Olivia grabbed his foot and flipped him on her back. She began turning his ankle in the opposite direction causing Nelson to scream out in pain.

"On your stomach." Olivia was ordering as she cranked his ankle around more.

Nelson quickly flipped to his stomach. He liked this cadet. She was one of a few females that had given him a run for his money in his fifteen years of instructing.

"Hands behind your back."

"Fuck you bitch."

Olivia cranked Nelson's ankle even more causing him to scream louder.

"I will break your fucking ankle." Olivia said through clenched teeth "Now hands behind your back."

With the pressure on his ankle and the amazing strength that Olivia showed he placed his hands behind his back. He knew Olivia would have to release the hold on his ankle to handcuff him.

Olivia moving as quickly as possible scooted up to handcuff Nelson's wrists. AS soon as she did she felt him starting to raise up. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he tried to send he flying. Instead because of her grip they both sent flying backward.

Olivia groaned as she landed on her back and Nelson on top of her. She tightened her hold around Nelsons neck in a choke hold while wrapping her legs around his lower body to keep him immobilized. Within seconds she felt Nelson's body go limp. She removed her arms from his neck and pushed him off her. She cuffed his hands behind his back before checking on him.

"Cadet Benson against the wall." The drill instructor ordered as he walked over to where they were. He leaned down uncuffed Nelson and checked him over. He was slowly coming too.

"I'm good Brooks." Nelson said as he sat up. "Cadet come over here."

Olivia walked over to Instructor Nelson. "Yes sir."

"Excellent job" Nelson said as he extended his hand "Fight like that on the street and you'll go home everyday. Bruised and sore but alive."

"Yes sir." Olivia said taking his hand "Thank you."

"Cadet Benson you are dismissed for the day go shower and get the hell off my grounds." The drill instructor ordered "Be back here Monday at 0730."

Olivia snapped to attention "Yes sir."

Olivia showered as quickly as possible and grabbed the first cab to go and see Alex. When the cab pulled up in front of the café she paid the cabbie and slowly slid out of the cab. She was starting to feel the fight now. She walked in the café and looked around for Alex. She was nowhere to be seen. Seeing the cook behind the counter she walked up to him maybe he could tell her where Alex was.

"Excuse me sir I'm looking for Alex. Could you tell me where she is?"

"Just who are you?"

Olivia looked at the man. She was ready to snap at him after the day she had but something about his eyes stopped her. He had the same eyes as Alex. That was when she remembered that Alex said her family owned the café.

"My name is Olivia Benson, sir" Olivia said as she extended her hand to him "Alex has been helping me study for the academy. I was wanting to let her know my latest test score."

"Olivia Benson it is nice to meet you" The man said taking her hand and shaking it "I'm Robert Cabot, her father. She has told me about you."

Olivia swallowed hard unsure of where this would lead.

"Nice to meet you sir."

"Same here Olivia. Alex is off tonight. She may be in her apartment. If she's not then I have no clue where my daughter is."

"Thank you sir" Olivia said as she quickly darted out of the café and around the building.

"Robert who was that?" A older version of Alex asked as she came out from behind the swinging doors.

"The woman who our daughter loves but is afraid to tell us."

Alex was stretched out on the couch watching a movie when someone started pounding on her door. Getting up she wondered who it was. Everyone that knew her knew she usually worked a double shift on Saturdays. She swung the door open ready to rip the person on the other side a new one when she suddenly found herself pushed in her apartment and heard her door slam shut.

Alex opened her mouth to scream when she was pulled toward the person that just barged into her apartment. Her scream was silenced when a pair of familiar lips cam crashing down on hers. It was Olivia. She wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck and melted into her body moaning softly.

"Hey blondie" Olivia whispered as she pulled away "I didn't mean to scare you."

"Its ok" Alex answered as she ran her hands over Olivia's body stopping when Olivia hissed in pain. She pulled back and looked at Olivia.

"It's nothing" Olivia said trying her best to mask the pain.

"Bull shit" Alex said as she slowly raised Olivia's shirt and was met with a huge bruise on her side and several others forming all over her.

"What happened?" Alex asked as tears formed in her eyes.

"Defense Tactics, baby" Olivia said as she raised Alex's face so she could look into her eyes "I'm fine baby. Believe me."

For the first time since her and Olivia had started dating she realized the true dangers of Olivia's job. It made her wonder if she could handle being with a police officer.


	6. Realizations

Olivia instantly felt the change in Alex. She took her by the hand and guided her to the couch. Olivia sat on the couch and gently pulled Alex to her.

"What is it Alex?"

"You're bruised."

"Yeah that tends to happen during defense tactics training." Olivia said as she ran her fingers through Alex's golden blonde hair "There's more to it though. Tell me what else is bothering you?"

Unable to express her fears and concerns Alex buried her head in Olivia's shoulder and let the tears fall freely.

Olivia held Alex tightly against her and rubbed her back while whispering I'm right her into Alex's ear.

After a few minutes Alex pulled back and spoke so softly that Olivia almost didn't hear her.

"What if you don't make it home one day?"

Olivia swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. She had never once thought of the pressures her job would put on Alex. At that moment she felt like the biggest ass that ever walked the earth.

"Oh god Alex I'm sorry I didn't think."

Olivia made sure Alex was positioned so she wouldn't fall off her lap before releasing her hold on her. She gently cupped Alex's face and raised it so she was looking her in the eyes.

"Not coming home one night is something I live with every day. This job is hard. Its hard physically, mentally and emotionally. We pay a price that no one else ever pays except for our brother and sisters." Olivia carefully wiped the tears from Alex's cheeks that was beginning to fall "The one who pays the greatest price is the one who waits at home for us. They have to sit for the eight hours or more wondering if they are going to get the call. If when they kissed us goodbye before we left for our tour was it the last time they would ever get to kiss us. It's the hardest job there is."

Alex chuckled and lightly smacked on Olivia on the shoulder "I'm realizing that."

"Alex if you can't handle it its ok. I will understand. Sometimes I'm more stress and trouble than what I'm worth believe me."

"You think your more stress and trouble than what your worth." Alex asked with concern in her voice "Why the hell do you think that Olivia. Where did that come from?"

Olivia looked away "It doesn't matter. Just know I will understand if you choose to walk away."

Alex pulled Olivia's face back so that she was looking at her and so she would know that she was listening to what she said.

"It does matter and whoever has told you different certainly didn't deserve you."

"Alex" Olivia started to say but was cut short when Alex silenced her with a kiss. The kiss was slow, complete and through. She broke the kiss slowly and caressed Olivia's cheek.

"Come on let me fix you a hot bath to relax in so you want be so sore in the morning."

Olivia stared at Alex as she slid off her lap and started walking toward the bedroom. The woman constantly amazed her. She was right there and Olivia could tell she wanted to push the issue but knew not to.

"you coming?" Alex called back over her shoulder when she realized Olivia wasn't following her.

"Right behind you blondie." Olivia answered as she carefully stood up from the couch and started to follow Alex. She grimaced in pain when she took her first step but quickly masked her face. She had already worried Alex enough she wasn't about to add more to the plate.

Alex was checking the temperature of the water when Olivia walked in.

"Really blondie." Olivia said as she looked around the bathroom "You live off your wages and tips. There is no way you could afford this on your wages."

Alex looked at Olivia and smiled.

"True but a nice size loan using my BMW as collateral did afford this. Believe me in about thirty minutes you will be thanking god that I wanted a garden size tub with Jacuzzi jets."

"I feel sorry for whoever lives in apartment 1 because I know you had to cut into their space to fit this tub in here with everything else."

"Lets say dad wasn't too happy about giving up some of his office space and gym area but when I bat my eyes like this and smile my little innocent smile. Dad gives in."

Olivia groaned when Alex demonstrated her way of getting what she wanted from her father. She realized then and there that she would give in to her with the same look.

"I have set extra towels on the toilet along with a change of clothes that should fit you. If you press this button here it turns the jets on and twisting this knob will control the speed of the jets. Any questions?"

"Join me?" Olivia asked as she stepped closer reaching out and pulling Alex to her.

There was no mistaking the desire and want that Olivia had for Alex. It was written all over her face and a blind person could read it in her eyes. It would be so easy for Alex to give in but she couldn't. She had promised herself this time would be different. She wasn't going to make the same mistakes with Olivia that she did with Vicci.

"I would love to" Alex whispered as she closed her eyes and exhaled "I cant I'm sorry."

"Never be sorry beautiful" Olivia said as she hugged her and kissed the top of her head "You're worth the wait."

"I'll leave you alone so you can hop in the tub. I'm going to run downstairs and order some dinner. Is there anything in particular you would like?"

"You choose" Olivia said as she pulled her wallet out of her back pocket and tossed it toward Alex "There's my wallet. I have twenty in there and my credit card if that's not enough."

"Liv my parents own the cafe. I don't pay for my meals if I order from there."

"I understand that but I don't work at the café and I will not have your parents thinking I'm with you for a free ride either. Take my wallet and pay for my meal."

Alex walked out of the bathroom and shut the door behind her. She was determined when Olivia asked her out not to fall for her. There was something about Olivia that lead her to think she was the dangerous type. The type that just wanted to add another notch on her bed post and be gone. Instead Olivia had proved her wrong on every occasion which only led to one thing. Alex was falling for Olivia and falling hard.


	7. Accepting

**A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews. They are wonderful and encourage me to keep the story going. I know some don't like Olivia calling Alex blondie. It is a nickname for her and but not used that often. As always reviews or suggestions are welcomed. **

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><p>Alex quickly ran down the stairs to the café to place their orders. She wanted to have dinner sitting on the table for Olivia when she was done soaking.<p>

"Hey dad" Alex said when she saw her father behind the counter "I want to place an order."

"Want your usual princess."

"I do dad and I also want a steak and one of your famous twice baked potato."

"Would this be for that Olivia Benson who came in here earlier looking for you?"

Alex looked away and blush "It is dad."

"So she what comes by to see you and sends you down here to get a free meal. Is that it princess?"

Alex saw red when she heard the tone in her fathers voice.

"No she didn't father. For your information she didn't ask me to get her dinner I volunteered. To top off your accusations against her she gave me her wallet to pay for her meal. What else would like to say?"

Robert looked at Alex and smiled. Olivia had to be someone special for Alex to be standing up to him for her. The last woman she dated and he said something about her Alex never said anything.

"Alright princess how does she like her steak?"

"umm" Alex said realizing she had no clue how Olivia liked her steak.

"Tell you what I will cook it medium well and if she wants it well I'll through it back on the grill."

"Thanks dad" Alex said as she leaned over the counter and hugged him.

"Anything for my princess."

"How much do I owe you?" Alex asked as she pulled Olivia's wallet from her pocket.

"Consider it on the house. Now go back upstairs and I'll call you when its ready ok."

"I love you dad." Alex said as she kissed him on the cheek and took off out the door.

"You took that pretty good Rob." Crystal, Alex's mother, said as she came from behind the swinging doors again.

"Do you just sit back there spying on me?" Robert asked with laughter in his voice.

"No but I stay out when its you and Alex because your approval means more to her than mine. I want you to give it without my forcing you to fake happiness like you did with Vicci."

"Any suggestions then?"

"Yeah give this Olivia a chance. I've met her and talked to her here a few times. I like her. She dedicated to her job and her training. If she will show half that dedication to Alex then we will never have to worry about her again as long as she's with Olivia."

"I'll let you know after I take Alex's and Olivia's dinner up to them."

"Robert" Crystal said in warning tone.

"Don't Robert me. Alex is my only daughter and my world. I will make sure she's not being taken advantage of."

"I know but let them have this right now. Give it another week or so then interriogate her ok."

Robert mummbled something under his breath and headed for the kithchen. He hated having to wait to get a shot at Olivia. He wanted, no had to, make sure she was nothing like Vicci.

"Alex is that you?" Olivia called out when she heard the front door shut.

Alex felt her heart speed up hearing Olivia call out to her. It seemed so right to walk into her apartment and hear Olivia call for her.

"Yeah its me babe."

Olivia leaned back and rested her head on the back of the tub and closed her eyes. The Jacuzzi jets was doing wonders for her sore muscles. Not to mention the fact that she knew when she stepped out of the tub Alex would be waiting for her. She'd be lying to herself is she said that wasn't something she hadn't been imaging since she started dating her.

"That soak felt amazing" Olivia said as she walked out of the bedroom drying her hair.

"I'm glad dinner is on the table and ready for you." Alex said unable to peel her eyes from the sight before her. Olivia's hair was sticking up everywhere from her drying it. The sweatpants Alex had given her was a little snug in the waist but formed around her butt quiet nicely. The t shirt stopped just below the waist of the pants so that as she was drying her hair it rose and gave Alex a peak at olive colored toned abs.

"Great I'm starving" Olivia said as she looked up and caught Alex eyeing her like a tiger eyeing a gazelle. "Looks like you are too."

Alex turned blood red when she realized she was caught ogling Olivia like she was a piece of meat.

Olivia pulled Alex to her. "If you see something you like, feel free to stare or touch. I'm yours so help yourself."

Alex swallowed hard as she let her hand run over toned skin. Amazed at how the muscles rippled when she ran her hand over them. What amazed her even more was the sharp intake of air and look of pure unadulterated lust that entered Olivia's eyes when she looked into them.

Alex slowly removed Olivia's shirt and ran her hands over her body. She leaned down and kissed the bruise that had formed on Olivia's side.

"Does it still hurt?"

"Some."

Alex pulled her hand back not wanting to cause Olivia anymore pain than what she was already in.

"hey" Olivia whispered placing Alex's hand on her side "I like your hands there."

"I don't want to cause you any more pain."

"If it wasn't for you I wouldn't have these."

Alex looked up at Olivia with a confused look on her face.

"Let me put my shirt back on and I'll explain over dinner."

Alex nodded and pulled her self from Olivia. She was finding it harder and harder to keep her hands off Olivia.

Olivia pulled Alex's chair out and waited till she was seated before scooting her up to the table. Olivia quickly walked around the table and took her seat.

"Oh I forgot dad cooked your steak medium well I hope that's ok."

"Its fine beautiful." Olivia said as she cut into her steak.

They began their meal in silence. They were half way through when Alex finally looked up and asked the question that had been burning in her mind since before dinner.

"How am I to blame for your bruises."

Olivia put her fork and knife down. This was going to be tricky to explain without scaring Alex off.

"Before we started training we were told to close our eyes and find that one reason to stay alive. The reason why we would fight hard to come out alive in a fight. When I closed my eyes I saw you. When Nelson had me on the mat choking me out you popped in my head begging me to come home to you."

"You fought to stay alive because of me?" Alex said as she stood and made her way to Olivia.

"I did" Olivia said scooting back so Alex could sit on her lap.

"I'm not hurting you am I?" Alex asked as she positioned herself on Olivia's lap.

"No beautiful."

"good" Alex whispered before roughly claiming Olivia's lips.

Olivia grabbed Alex and pulled her tighter against her ignoring the searing pain it caused.

Only breaking the kiss because the need for air became to great.

Alex rested her forehead on Olivia's allowing both of them to try and catch their breaths.

"So I didn't scare you off with that statement I take it."

Alex laughed lightly "No you didn't, stud."

"Stud. I'm a stud"

"Yeah. My stud" Alex answered as she climbed off Olivia and took her seat to finish eating.

The rest of the dinner was spent in silence only giving each other knowing glances. Both realizing that they had taken their relationship to the next level but not ready to voice it.

Olivia quietly cleaned up while Alex straightened the living room. When Olivia finished she turned around and watched Alex. Everything seemed so natural with her. Nothing was ever forced. If she dared to say it was almost like they were soul mates.

"Hey blondie I need to head out."

Alex turned and walked over to Olivia. It was now or never.

"Stay the night."

Olivia's jaw almost hit the floor.

"Close your mouth officer."

"Listen Alex thank you but after the beating I took today a couch isn't going to cut it."

Alex took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

"I'm not talking about the couch. I want you in the bed next to me. Holding me. I need you to hold me tonight."

The crack in Alex's voice tore at Olivia. She knew that the events had an effect on Alex she just didn't realize it was this bad. She opened her arms and motioned for Alex to come to her.

She slowly walked over to Alex and raised her head so she was looking her in the eye.

"I'll stay."


	8. Robert's speech

Olivia walked into her room and dumped her port on to her desk. Every muscle in her body ached thanks to the three jackasses that wanted to goof off during class. Olivia decided between the combinations of push ups and leg lifts she would have some very defined muscles by graduation. She was heading toward the bathroom for a much needed hot shower when her phone rang.

"Hello" Olivia answered trying not to sound as aggravated as she was.

"Olivia?" a voice asked that Olivia didn't recognized.

"Yes."

"Olivia its Robert you need to get to the café right away."

"What happened?" Olivia asked as she felt the blood rush from her face.

"Olivia just get here and hurry."

Olivia slammed the phone down without answering and took off. There was no time for a shower or even changing clothes. Something had happened to Alex.

Olivia flung some cash at the cabbie and darted out of the cab. She grabbed the café door so hard and slung it open that for a brief second she thought she may break the glass. She darted her eyes around the café until they landed on Robert.

"What happened and where is she?" Olivia asked as she approached Robert trying to remain as calm as possible.

"Olivia take a deep breath…" Robert started to say but was interrupted when Olivia grabbed him by the collar and pulled him toward her over the counter.

"Don't tell me to take a deep breath or relax. Tell me where the hell is Alex and what happened." Olivia growled through clenched teeth. "Where the hell is she?"

"Olivia." Alex almost shouted as she came out from the back seeing Olivia holding her father by the collar glaring at him as if she was going to kill him.

The second Olivia heard Alex's voice she released Robert and spun on her heels. In two long strides Olivia was in front of Alex looking her up and down. She took the plates from her hands and set them on a table so she could spin Alex around.

"You ok? What happened?" Olivia asked her voice full of concern and on the verge of breaking down.

"I'm fine" Alex said thoroughly confused at what was happening "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Your dad called and said I needed to get here right away." Olivia said pulling Alex to her needing to feel her close "I thought something happened."

Alex wrapped her arms around Olivia and glared at her father over her shoulder. Now she understood completely what happened and why Olivia looked like she was out for blood.

From the look in Alex's eyes Robert knew he crossed the line. It would take a lot for her to forgive him now.

"I told you not to do that." Crystal said as she walked by to take the plates Alex did have to the waiting customers.

"Beautiful let me go see why your father felt the urge to scare me." Olivia whispered as she pulled back to look into the sea of blue she was falling in love with.

"He wants to have the your dating my daughter discussion."

A small smile tweaked the corners of her mouth "In that case let me go and hear how he plans to kill me if I hurt you."

"No need give me a minute with him" Alex said as she started to walk around Olivia "I'll stop all this right now."

Olivia quickly grabbed Alex by the arm and stopped her "Babe he's your father. I knew this speech was coming sooner or later. There's nothing he can say or do that will make me walk away from you. Let him do his job."

"You sure?"

"Positive" Olivia said as she hugged Alex quickly "Now give me a few minutes and I will come back and see you before I leave."

Alex stood there and watched Olivia walk back toward her dad. She wanted to stop Olivia from the ambush she was about to incur but the look in Olivia's eyes stopped her. She was determined to prove herself to her dad. At least this time Alex knew she wouldn't have to ask how much money did it take to have her walk away.

"Mr. Cabot" Olivia said as she approached him. She could only imagine how happy he was with her since she grabbed him by the collar and almost drug him across the counter.

"Follow me Olivia." He said as she approached and led her to through the back of the café to a set of stairs. He opened the door to the office and motioned for her to have a seat before taking one himself.

"let me cut straight to the chase Olivia. I need to know how much money it'll take to have you walk away and never look back. Name your figure and I'll cut you a check right now unless you prefer cash."

Olivia sat there dumbfounded. She figured she would hear the if you hurt her I'll kill you speech or how a cop was not good enough for his daughter but never how much money she needed to walk away.

"Sir you can keep your money and for all I care shove it where the sun don't shine, with all due respect. I'm not with Alex for her money or yours for that matter." Olivia stood from her chair and started to head toward the door "And if that's the reason you felt the urge to scare the shit out of me and bring me up here then this conversation is done."

"Olivia stop." Robert ordered as he jumped from his seat "Sit back down."

"No need if you think all I want is money sir."

"There is a need." Robert said as a smiled spread across his face "I'm sorry for scaring you. I had no idea you would react or respond that way."

Olivia turned and faced Robert.

"How did you want me to respond sir. You called me and led me to believe that the woman I'm falling in love with was hurt. Then I get here and all you can say is calm down. Was I suppose to walk in like any other day and wait for you to drop the bomb on me. Forget it." Olivia closed the gap placing her fist on the desk and leaning forward till she was inches from Roberts face "Lets get one thing straight right now. There's nothing I won't do for your daughter."

"I'm glad to hear that. Gauging from your reaction there's no need to give you the if you hurt her I'll kill you speech and there's also no need for the treat her right speech either."

"No sir."

"Just as long as you understand she's my little girl."

"I do sir."

"Good" Robert said as he extended his hand and Olivia took it shaking it "You better get back down there and see her. I can imagine she's probably pacing a hole in the floor now."

"Knowing her she probably is." Olivia said laughing as she headed for the door "Just one thing though. I want to know why you offered me money to leave if you're ok with me dating her?"

"That Olivia is for her to tell you if she hasn't already."

Olivia nodded and headed out the door in search of Alex. There was questions that needed to be answered and she wasn't leaving until they were.


	9. Truth

Olivia walked back in the café and looked around. Alex was nowhere to be found so she walked over to where her mother was taking a customer's order.

"Excuse me Mrs. Cabot could you tell me where Alex is?"

Crystal turned and faced Olivia.

"She took off out of here when you left with Robert. Saying she needed a few minutes alone."

"Do you know where I could find her?"

"The roof. Take the stairs like you would to her apartment. That third door that's not labeled is the stairs to the roof."

"Thank you" Olivia said as she sprinted out the door and around the side of the building. She took the stairs two at a time determined to reach Alex quickly. She pushed the door to the roof opened and looked around. She found Alex standing over to the side just staring out into space. Olivia quietly walked up behind Alex and wrapped her arms around her waist pulling her back against her.

Alex heard the door open behind and knew it was Olivia. She could hear her making her way to her. She exhaled the breath she had been holding when Olivia wrapped her arms around her and pulled her to her. She knew it was stupid to be worried about Olivia in there with her father but old habits die hard.

"You ok?" Olivia asked after a few minutes.

"Yeah just worried that's all."

"Babe I train to deal with people who want to kill me every day, your father was a cake walk."

"I know its just that I haven't had a good history with the women I've dated when they talk to my dad that's all."

"I can tell." Olivia whispered as she kissed Alex on the neck "You mind explaining why your father offered me money to walk away."

Alex moved out of Olivia's arms and away from her. She knew someday she would have to explain her history. There was a small part of her that prayed she never would when it came to Olivia.

"It started with my ex." Alex said as she wrapped her arms around her as if she was trying to protect herself from some unseen danger "Her name was Vicci. I fell and fell hard when it came to her. As soon as she discovered I come from a family with money and power that was all she cared about. She always needed money for one thing or another. If it wasn't money it was her throwing my family's name around so she could get what she wanted."

Olivia cringed seeing where the discussion was going.

"When my father had enough he called her in and asked her how much did she want to walk away and never look back. Apparently I was worth a whole twenty thousand dollars. That was all it took for her to leave."

Olivia walked up behind Alex and slowly turned her around so she was facing her. Placing a finger under Alex's chin she raised her head until she was looking her in the eyes. Upon seeing the silent tears and the pain Vicci had caused Olivia thank god she was no where near. There was nothing she wanted more than to rip her head off her shoulders at that moment.

"Listen to me beautiful" Olivia said as she wiped the tears from Alex's eyes making a silent vow to never leave her with doubt "There is no amount of money that will make me walk away from you. I love you. I want to be with you for you. Not for the money or power your family name carries."

Alex's breath caught in her throat. Olivia loved her for her. Not her money or name but for her. She placed her hands on either side of Olivia's face and slowly brought their lips together.

The kiss was slow. Slower than any others they had ever shared. There was also a difference in the kiss. It was full of love. Neither one holding back on how they felt about each other.

"I love you too." Alex whispered as she pulled away from Olivia.

Olivia sighed as she pulled Alex back to her.

"Come on let's go back down stairs"

"Not yet" Alex said as she pulled from Olivia "I need you to level with me now."

Olivia shoved her hands in her pocket and turned away from Alex. She knew she had to do this but she was afraid of what Alex would think of her afterwards. Looking up to the sky she silently asked if there was a god please let her understand and not cringe from her when she was done.

"Remember how I told you my mother was a victim?"

"I do" Alex said wrapping her arms around Olivia and fought the urge to pull away when she felt Olivia tense at her touch. Maybe she was asking too much too soon.

"Well my mother was raped one night on the way home from college. About two months later she discovered she was pregnant. Unfortunately abortions were illegal back then. So nine months later I was born and for some unknown reason she refused to place me for adoption."

"It wasn't your fault." Alex whispered.

"Tell my mother that. After she had me I was a constant reminder of the worse day of her life. She was unable to handle it so she started drinking. Most days I wasn't the brunt of my mother's anger but there were some days I was. Those were the days I was told that I was the biggest mistake ever."

Alex felt her heart shatter hearing the pain in Olivia's voice. How could someone who was suppose to love their child unconditionally ever be so cruel.

"Did she ever physically hurt you?" Alex asked almost scared of Olivia's answer.

"When I was sixteen. She was so drunk that she kept coming after me no matter what I did. I kicked her so hard that I sent her into the wall and knocked her out. I was terrified that I had killed her. That's when I called Symone Bryce. She is an advocate for children. She was able to help me leave the situation and helped me sign on with the force. She's the reason I live on campus now."

"How so?"

"Campus is only for out of state cadets until they find a place to live. She fixed it with the commander that I could live there up until six months after my graduation."

"Please turn around.:" Alex pleaded with Olivia.

Olivia turned slowly terrified of what Alex may say. She knew she loved her but who would want a half breed police officer as their partner when they come from such a well known family.

"You have no control over how you were conceived or how your mother raised you. It is not your fault that she was raped. I am positive that somewhere deep inside your mother loves you deeply. Which is why she refused to give you up for adoption. She probably didn't understand how hard it would be to raise you though. I for one am thankful she did not give you up. Because if she had whose to say we would have ever met or fallen in love."

Olivia stared at Alex with a confused look on her face.

"Something wrong their stud." Alex asked.

Olivia smiled hearing her pet name that Alex had given her.

"You're not terrified or scared?"

"Should I be?"

"Half my genes are alcoholic and the other half is violent. Who's to say I won't snap one day and attack you or someone else?"

"I have never been scared to be around you and I never will. Olivia being in the same room with you gives me the feeling of security I've never had and will never have with anyone else."

"Look at the profession I chose. One where violence is required. What does that say about me?"

"That you are trying to give the other victims of the world the closure your mother never received. Nothing else."

Olivia finally gathered enough courage and looked into Alex's eyes. She knew the eyes were the window to the soul. So many she had dated in the past had said the same thing but when she looked into their eyes she could see the fear. This time it was different. When she looked into Alex's eyes she saw nothing but love and trust.

Olivia felt as if the world had been lifted off her shoulders. She pulled Alex to her and allowed herself to do the one thing she never had. Cry.

Alex held onto Olivia tightly as Olivia let years of pain go.

After a few minutes Olivia was to gain control of her emotions and pulled back.

"Sorry about that didn't mean to break down on you."

"Never be sorry. Just know I'm here now and you don't have to always be the strong one."

Unable to find her voice Olivia simply nodded before claiming Alex's lips with her own.


	10. change of plans

**A/N: My apoligies for taking so long on posting this chapter. I have been working a lot of hours again. This is more of a filler chapter than anything. The next chapter will be Olivia's graduation.**

* * *

><p>Olivia couldn't help but notice the extra bounce in her step. It had been almost three weeks since she had seen Alex. Three weeks since the discussion that revealed everything about her painful past. It wasn't that she was trying to avoid Alex but the academy had kept her pretty busy. She had EVOC one weekend and firearms for the other two weekends. They had a few quick conversations on the phone, Olivia telling Alex that she'd never pass and Alex assuring her that she was a natural at it. That was all they had talked about since that fateful day.<p>

Olivia took a deep breath and knocked on Alex's door. It was truth time. History had taught her that even when they say they could careless that half your genes is that of a rapist they were lying. Olivia looked around and knocked again. Leaning forward she listened intently for the sounds on the other side of the door. She was met with total silence. After waiting a few more minutes Olivia decided to go to the café. Maybe Alex had gone down there and was side tracked.

Olivia opened the door and looked around. The café was packed and had people waiting to be seated. Using her shoulder and years of experience in making her way through a crowd Olivia quickly made her way to the front. There was no need to scan the café. Once she was in the front because her eyes instantly fell upon Alex.

Olivia couldn't help but smile at the sight before her. Alex was wearing a short, but not too short, black skirt and a sleeveless sequenced top. What really set the outfit apart were the high heels she was wearing.

Alex looked up from the order she was taking and locked eyes with Olivia. She silently pleaded with Olivia for forgiveness. This would have been the first time they would have been able to go out and here she was working. The smile Olivia gave her told her everything was ok and she exhaled the breath she had been holding.

"Good evening Mrs. Cabot" Olivia said when she finally made her way to the counter.

"Hey Olivia how are you?" Crystal asked.

"I'm good. It looks like you got slammed tonight."

"We did. Our waitress called out and for some reason we are unusually busy tonight. Thank god Alex had come down when she did. As soon as she saw how busy we were she grabbed a pad and went to work."

Olivia smiled and nodded slightly her eyes never leaving Alex.

Crystal took a second to look from Olivia to Alex and then back to Olivia. That was when she noticed how they both were dressed.

"oh no Olivia I'm so sorry you and Alex had plans. If you will give me just a minute I'll take over for Alex and you two can go and enjoy your evening."

Olivia reached forward and placed a hand on Crystal's arm stopping her.

"Don't Mrs. Cabot." Olivia said as she removed her jacket "Show me where I can hang this up and hand me a pad. I'll help the best I can but let me warn you I've never waitressed before."

"Olivia that is kind of you and I thank you but I know that you two haven't seen each other for a few weeks. There's no way I can let you do that."

"In that case I insist. I know there's no way Alex would leave you right now. Besides I wouldn't feel right if we left as busy as you are and as short handed at the moment."

"There's no way I can change your mind is there?"

"No ma'am"

"In that case" Crystal said as she motioned for Olivia to follow her "come with me and I will get you set up"

Alex placed a ticket on the rack and spun it around for her father and then began to search the café for Olivia. There was no way to explain the range of emotions when she saw Olivia with her mom helping them out. One thing was for sure was that if she wasn't already in love with the brown hair beauty, she definitely would be now.

"if you ask me she's a keeper, princess" Robert said pulling Alex from her thoughts.

"She is dad and I love her. No one has ever made me feel the way she does." Alex said as she turned and gave her father the first genuine smile since that day he pulled his stunt.

"I'm glad."

Two hours later Olivia collapsed onto a seat at the counter. She had no clue how Alex did it day in and day out. Thanks to helping the Cabot's Olivia had learned one thing today. If her career in law enforcement didn't work out waitressing was not an option.

"I didn't mean to mess up our plans for tonight" Alex said as she took the seat next to Olivia "But there was no way I could have abandoned my parents as busy as they were."

"I would never expect you to" Olivia said as she pulled Alex closer to her.

Alex instantly laid her head on Olivia's shoulder and closed her eyes. She could feel all the tension and stress from the last few weeks leave her body.

"Thank you for understanding" Alex whispered so low that Olivia almost didn't hear her.

"Ladies I hate to interrupt you" Robert said as he walked up "but I was wondering what you would like for dinner?"

"I'll have my usual dad." Alex said without ever removing her head from Olivia's shoulder.

"Can I get the Philly cheese steak with fries?"

Robert smiled and quickly walked away from the scene in front of him. Watching Alex with Olivia almost brought tears to his eyes.

"You ok, Robert?" Crystal asked when she saw the expression on his face.

"Yeah it's just that my little girl is growing up." Robert said his voice full of emotions.

"She will always be your princess."

"I know" Robert said as he watched Alex with Olivia through the small window. He had never seen her glow as she did when she was around Olivia. There was always a small smile that graced her lips whenever Olivia was in the room. "Something tells me that she will soon be Olivia's princess."


	11. Graduation

"Mom, Dad" Alex hollered as she walked into her parents house "hurry up or we will be late."

"Princess we have an hour to make a twenty minute drive" Robert said as he walked down the stairs tying his tie.

"Dad they only have room for so many people." Alex said as she straightened her father's tie out "I don't want to miss it or have to wait for her outside."

"Honey there is no way that we will not be denied in there." Crystal said as she floated down the stairs. "I called your uncle last week and made sure we would have three seats reserved front row nearest Olivia."

"Mom why did you do that" Alex groaned out.

"Why wouldn't I call your uncle and tell him."

Alex grimaced.

"I haven't exactly told her the full story behind our family."

"Considering we are throwing her a party here after graduation and the commissioner will be here don't you think it's time to tell her about the extent of our family."

"I know and I will." Alex said as she headed toward the door. She stopped and turned to face her parents. She began chewing on her bottom lip not sure how to approach her parents.

Robert could see that Alex had something else to say but was scared to. She was chewing her lip like the day she told him she wanted to go to Hudson University and not Harvard like everyone else or the time she finally told him she was gay.

"What is it sweetheart?"

"Look I umm. I really like Olivia." Alex said looking everywhere but at her parents "Actually I love her. I know she's the one for me. I know we have only been together for five months but I know she's it."

Robert and Crystal looked at each other and then back to Alex.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is." Alex stopped and locked eyes with her parents "I want to ask her to move in with me. I want to know that you are ok with that."

Robert reached out and pulled Alex to him.

"We are more than ok with it princess. I want whatever will make you happy and I know Olivia makes you happy."

"Thanks" Alex whispered as she hugged her dad back tightly.

Olivia clipped the tie into place and secured it with the NYPD tie tack they were issued. Taking one last look in the mirror to make sure everything was the way it should be Olivia felt herself swell up with pride. It had taken six long months but today her dream was coming true. Today she was graduating and being sworn in as one of New York's finest. And in the crowd watching and cheering her on will be Alexandra Cabot.

"Cadets are you ready?" The commander asked as he stepped in front of the formation.

"Sir yes Sir"

"In about an hour everyone of you will be sworn in as New York's finest Are you sure you're ready for it?"

"Sir yes Sir"

"Graduating class 2647 ATTENTION"

Every one snapped to attention.

"FORWARD March"

Over two hundred cadets began to march in sync as they marched into the arena. Once everyone was standing in front of their seats someone shouted the command to sit. Every officer in perfect sync took a seat.

"Today I stand before over two hundred graduates." The commissioner started to say as he took the podium "As I look at the sea of blue I am reminded of the day I graduated. How eager I was to go out and make a difference. I remember the double tours some time triple tours if needed that I worked. How I would go home exhausted but happy. Then I remember as I grew older and had been on the job a while how jaded I became. Believe me cadets you will become jaded. The one thing that has never changed is my love for the job."

The commissioner stopped and looked out at the crowd.

"To the family and friends of these officers you need to become aware of the changes that you will see in your loved one. In the beginning they will come home anxious to share their day. They will tell you everything about it. Then as their career progresses they will no longer share their events with you. They will become withdrawn and have trouble sleeping at night. When you ask what is wrong you will be told nothing or that they are fine. Just reach out and hold them because they are not. They are fighting demons that no one should have to fight."

"They will want to sit in the back of the restaurant facing the door. They will always carry their weapon on them. That will be the only one visible. They will have a back up strapped to at least one ankle and another in the small of their back. Let's not forget the three knives that will be hidden in various places along the body. They will no longer want to walk next to you or hold your hand in public. It is not because the no longer love but because they do love you. Being seen with someone they love is an invitation of danger. To keep that at a minimum they will treat you coldly."

"Then there will be the night that they come home and allow you to see them cry. This will not be the first time they have cried since choosing this career. But this is the time that they are asking for help. Taking them in your arms and hold them tight. Don't ask questions because they don't want to relive what just set them over the edge. They just want to be held."

The commander came and stood by the commissioner.

"That is highlight of what is to come. Now let's move on to the reason why we are here, to pin a badge on the newest recruits."

One by one they called each cadet onto the stage. As the cadet approached they would stand at attention and allowed their badge to be pinned on their uniform. Once it was pinned they would step back and salute the commissioner and commander. As they walked off the platform they would salute their family as to show respect.

As the last cadet took their seat they were told to stand so they could be sworn in. After everyone had taken their oath the commander walked to the podium.

"After six long months of training I am confident that we now have the best of the best. Welcome to the largest force in the united states."

Everyone threw their hats in the air and began hugging each other. After congratulating a few fellow cadets' Olivia made her way to Alex. As she approached the rope off area a uniformed officer stopped her.

"Sorry graduate you're not allowed behind the line."

Before she could even say anything she heard Alex's angelic voice.

"Let her through officer she's with me."

The officer instantly snapped to attention and then unlocked the rope.

"Sorry miss. Cabot I didn't know."

"Alex" Olivia said as she pulled Alex to her and kissed her.

Alex melted into Olivia's arms and deepened the kiss. She never realized how much she missed Olivia until she was in her arms.

"Olivia congratulations." Robert said as he walked up with his arm around Crystal's waist.

Olivia reluctantly broke the kiss but still held Alex close to her.

"Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Cabot."

"Is that my blonde hair angel?" A voice asked from behind them.

Alex quickly looked in the direction of the voice and took off. Olivia quickly spun on her heels doing her best to hide the shock on her face when she saw Alex being swung around in the air by the commissioner.

"So angel is this the little officer that stole your heart?" The commissioner asked as he walked up to Olivia.

"It is Uncle Joe." Alex said as she stood by Olivia who automatically placed her arms around her and pulled her close.

"Liv I would like you to met my uncle. Commissioner Joseph William."

Olivia looked from the commissioner to Alex.

"Sir it's nice to meet you" Olivia said as she extended her hand.

"I take it she didn't tell you about me did she?" Joe said taking her hand.

"No sir commissioner she did not."

"That sounds like my angel. But call me Joe when we are at family functions."

"Yes sir."

"Why don't we continue all this discussion back at the house." Crystal said as she stepped forward and hugged Olivia "We are having a small party for you."

Olivia blushed and whispered "Thank you"

"Alex exactly how rich are you?" Olivia asked as she leaned over and whispered when she saw the size of her parents house.

"I will get a few million in cash when I turn twenty five, but that's not including my investments in different stock either. Why?"

"Why? Take a look at your parent's house. I didn't realize the restaurant business was that profitable."

"It can be but not that profitable. My dad made his millions as a top notch lawyer. It would cost you three thousand an hour to consult with him. He had some high name clients. When I turned nine he left the firm full time and started the café. He was tired of missing out on important events of my life. He still goes in the office every now and then but nothing like he used to."

"The commissioner?"

"Is my mom's brother. I also have an uncle who is a judge, an aunt who is a bureau chief, a few DA's and a couple ADA's in the family. That's not counting who is in private practice."

"Wow so when you said your name carried some high connections you weren't lying."

"No honey and that's just what's in state. We do have a few relatives in congress."

Olivia just looked at Alex and smiled. The more she learned about Alex and her family the more amazed she was that Alex ever took an interest in her. Someone with Alex's background and family connections could have anyone she wanted.


	12. Move in with me

Olivia stepped out of the car and automatically extended her hand to assist Alex on getting out of the car. As soon as Alex was out of the car Olivia pulled Alex to her and shut the door.

"Thank you for coming Mr. and Mrs. Cabot."

"Olivia" Mrs. Cabot said as she wrapped Olivia in a hug "You are more than welcomed. Now I hope you don't mind but my self and Robert are throwing you a little party."

"Mrs. Cabot thank you so much but really that's not necessary."

"Nonsense Olivia" Crystal said as she took the hand Robert offered and started to walk toward the door "It's not everyday that a member of our family graduates the academy."

"Family?" Olivia looked from Crystal to Alex "But I'm not family"

"Well stud I don't just give my heart to just anyone." Alex said smirking before walking away making sure to put a little extra swing in her hips.

Olivia growled and darted after Alex. She reached her just as she opened the door and started to step in. Olivia picked up Alex and spun her around before tossing her over her shoulder causing Alex to squeal.

"You better not" Olivia said as she gently lowered Alex to the floor.

Alex wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck and kissed her.

"Never, now follow me so you can change out of your class A's."

"Blondie I didn't bring any other clothes with me."

"Then it's a good thing you have me." Alex said as she led her up the stairs and into a room and grabbing a box before handing it to Olivia.

"Alex thank you but you didn't have to."

"Of course I did. Now you need to change and then get downstairs. After all you are the guest of honor." Alex said before kissing Olivia on the cheek and leaving her in the room.

Olivia smiled and carefully unwrapped the box and gently pulled back the tissue paper. She exhaled the breath she had been holding and began to laugh. Olivia was scared after seeing how the box was wrapped that Alex had gone all out. Instead there was a pair of black jeans and black turtleneck sweater. When Alex shut the door she saw a tan leather jacket hanging on the back of the door. She changed quickly and ran to find Alex. She stopped short when she saw a familiar face in the crowd of people.

"Mom what are you doing here?" Olivia said to Serena as she pulled her from the crowd.

"I was invited by an Alex Cabot. Who is she?"

"She is someone important, that's all you need to know. Now come on and let me put in a cab."

Serena jerked from Olivia's grasp "I am not going anywhere. I was invited here and intend to stay."

"Fine but try to limit your alcohol intake tonight."

"Scared I'm going to embarrass you in front of your high class friends."

"They're not just my friends" Olivia said as she turned and faced her mother "Alex is the woman I have been seeing for the last five months. She is also the one I happen to have fallen in love with. I would appreciate it if you could avoid alcohol."

"Fine dear."

"I mean it mom" Olivia said as she walked out the door.

"There's my officer" Alex said as she walked up behind Olivia and wrapped her arms around her waist. "You like your outfit?"

"I love it thank you."

"Your welcome" Alex whispered as she kissed the side of Olivia's neck "Lets go on the patio. I want to talk to you."

"Sure"

Olivia followed Alex out onto the patio only stopping to receive congratulations and thanking them for coming. After what seemed like an eternity she finally made it to the patio and away from everyone. She breathed a sigh of relief as she sat on the bench over looking the Cabot's garden.

"Everything ok?" Alex asked as she lowered herself onto the bench next to Olivia.

"Yeah but can I ask you something?"

"Anything you know that."

"What possessed you to invite my mother and how did you find her?"

"I invited your mother because this is an important occasion for you. AS to how I found her were you not listening in the car when I gave you the background of my family. I have a whole investigation firm at my disposal. Are you mad that I invited her?"

"Yes, no." Olivia groaned as she covered her face with her hands "Thank you for doing that but she doesn't have such a good track record at social events."

"If something happens we'll deal with it then."

"You have no clue what your asking for."

"Actually I do." Alex said as she reached out and took Olivia hands in hers "Will you please look at me?"

Olivia turned so she was straddling the bench and looking at Alex.

"What is it blondie?"

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"Wow this is not easy" Alex said as she exhaled.

"Its ok Alex" Olivia choked out "I understand."

"I don't think you do." Alex hummed out as she laid her head on Olivia's shoulder and inhaled the scent that was strictly hers. Just walking into a room that had her scent could calm her.

"I love waking up in your arms Olivia. It gives me a sense of security and completeness I've never had before. Just the thought that I could come home to you every night just…" Alex exhaled as she tried to find the words she needed "there are no words to explain what I feel. What I'm trying to ask is will you move in with me?"

Olivia pushed Alex back and stood up. She quickly removed her jacket and wrapped it around Alex before sitting back down.

"You were getting cold" Olivia said matter of fact when she saw the puzzled look Alex was giving her.

"Are you going to answer me?"

Olivia stared into Alex's deep blue eyes before cracking her cocky smile at her.

"Let see move in with you and know that at the end of my shift I have an absolutely stunning blonde hair beauty waiting on me or go home to an empty cheap one bedroom apartment, where I can have unlimited women over. Now I have to think on that one."

Recognizing the game that Olivia was playing with her Alex decided to fight fire with fire. She stood up and removed Olivia's jacket from her and handed it back to her.

"I would suggest that you decide quickly because I need to let my other women know if I'm taken or not."

Olivia reached out and pulled Alex back onto her lap.

"Lets get one thing clear." Olivia said as she traced the outline of Alex's lips with her thumbs "You are taken and have been for a while. As for moving in with you. There is nothing I would love more than to come home to you every night."

Alex leaned forward kissed Olivia. Relishing in the fact that Olivia would always surrender to her when they dueled for control in a kiss. How Olivia would run her hand up and down her back before settling on the nape of her neck. Applying just enough pressure to let her know she had her.

"We need to get back inside" Alex said as she reluctantly broke the kiss.

Olivia smiled at Alex as she helped her to her feet. Life seemed to be going so good for her lately. She graduated the academy with honors and a few awards. She had a stunningly beautiful girlfriend who just asked her to move in with her. And to top it off the Cabot's treated her as if she one of their own. Life was finally turning out the way she had always wanted. Or atleast she thought it was.


	13. Serena

Olivia guided Alex through the crowd in search of her mother. She wanted to find her mother for two reasons. One to introduce her to the woman she loved and the other was to make sure she wasn't getting to drunk.

"Where are we going?" Alex asked.

"I'm going to introduce you to my mother and hopefully she hasn't emptied to many vodka bottles yet."

"Liv its your night I'm sure your mother will refrain for one night."

"You don't know my mother." Olivia said as she caught sight of her other by the bar. She could tell by the way she was standing she already had too many.

"Mom I would like to introduce you to Alex." Olivia said approaching her mother.

"It's nice to met you." Serena slurred out.

"It's a pleasure meeting you to Ms. Benson." Alex said as she darted her eyes to Olivia.

"Did you go through the academy with Olivia?"

"No mom." Olivia said already starting to get frustrated with her mom "Alex is the woman I have been seeing for the last five month. She's going to Hudson Law school to be a lawyer."

"Seeing?" Serena said a little louder than she needed "AS in dating?"

"Yes"

"So it wasn't bad enough that you decided at sixteen you were going to marry one of my fellow professors now you are a LESIBAN."

"Mom lower your voice people are starting to stare."

"Honey they're not staring at me they are staring at you two."

Olivia pulled Alex to her and stepped in front of her as if to shield her.

Serena tripped around Olivia to get to Alex.

"She doesn't love you. She's using you like she does everyone else. Just like her father did. She's incapable of love."

Olivia felt tears start to fill her eyes. She knew where this was leading and so no way to stop it. Just as she opened her mouth Alex spoke up in a voice she had never heard before. When she glanced at Alex she saw a coldness in them she had never seen before.

"Ms. Benson your daughter is the kindest person I have ever met. She gives and gives but never takes. I hope that one day I can be half the woman she is now."

"I hate to tell you but she's a taker. She took my life from me just to walk out on me a few years ago when she got all she could from me."

"No she walked out on you when she had enough of your drinking and abuse."

Serena raised her hand back as if she was going to hit Alex. The second Olivia realized what was going on she pulled Alex out of the way and stepped forward. Before she could dodge this hit like all the others Serena connected with the left side of Olivia's face.

"YOU'RE GOING TO BE A RAPIST LIKE YOUR FATHER." Serena screamed.

What few people wasn't already watching the scene unfold quickly moved in to get a better look.

"I AM NOTHING LIKE HIM AND WILL NEVER BE." Olivia screamed back as she grabbed serena's wrist before she was able to connect a second time. "NOW LEAVE."

"What exactly is happening here?" Robert asked as he pushed through the crowd. "Alex are you ok?"

"I'm fine dad."

"Who is Olivia fighting with?"

"Her mother."

"Just who are you?" Serena asked when she eyed Robert talking to Alex.

"I'm Robert Cabot."

"Do you know what she is?"

"I do."

"I don't think you do. Take a good look everyone" Serena said as she pointed at Olivia "This is what a rapist looks like. She's incapable of love."

Olivia finally having enough and feeling her temper about to break grabbed her mothers hand and twisted it slightly. Pulling her mother to her she growled through her tightly clenched teeth.

"Get your coat and we are leaving now."

Alex felt her heart break when Olivia turned to face her. The amount of pain and unshed tears she saw in her lover's eyes was unbearable.

"I'm so sorry to have ruined tonight. I hope everyone will someday forgive me. "

"Olivia it's not your fault." Alex choked out trying her best to hold her tears at bay but losing the battle.

"It is Alex. I was born. You don't deserve this or anything that has happened tonight. You deserve better. I hope you find it someday and forgive me for ruining this night."

Olivia turned from Alex unable to stand the pain she saw in her eyes and guided her mother to the door. AS she opened the door she was thankful there was a taxi sitting there.

"Olivia wait." Robert called after her as he reached the door.

"Mr. Cabot, thank you for tonight and for everything else. I'm sorry it was ruined. I promise you I will never come near Alex again you don't have to worry about that."

Olivia slid in the cab and slammed the door as she gave the cabbie her mothers address.

"You couldn't stand to see me happy could you? Had to go and ruin the greatest thing that will ever happen to me."

"How many times do I have to tell you? Someone with your background doesn't deserve to be happy. You must pay for your father's sins."

"I know mom. I know." Olivia muttered as she watched the house that held the one true love of her life fade away.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Had to leave a small cliff hanger.**


	14. Bringing her back

Olivia collapsed on to her mother's couch and buried her head in her hands. She was physically, emotionally, and psychologically drained. Today reminded her of so many of her birthdays. Started out great and her mom sober and ended with a shouting match and her mother past three sheets to the wind.

Olivia jumped when she heard someone knocking on the door. Olivia groaned as she stood up. It was probably Mrs. Johnson from next door. She would always come over and complain when her mother would come home yelling and throwing bottles as she did tonight.

"Mrs. Johnson I'm really sorry we disturbed you." Olivia started to say as she opened the door but stopped when she saw who was there. "Mr. Cabot, what are you doing here?"

"I came to see you."

"I'm really sorry. I'll reimburse you for the party and anything else you need me to. As for Alex. I'll, umm, I'll stay away from her. You don't have to worry about that."

"Olivia I came here to talk to you."

"Please come in" Olivia exhaled as she stepped to the side.

Robert stepped into the small apartment and looked around. There was a few pictures of Olivia on the wall and that was it. Empty Liquor bottles was everywhere and the trash was over flowing. He found it amazing that Olivia had turned out so well.

"I think we need to talk about earlier." Robert said as he turned to face Olivia.

"I'm really sorry. I was hoping that she would refrain from drinking when I invited her. She swore she would."

Robert shook his head. Here Olivia swearing she would never come near Alex again but she was still protecting her.

"Olivia stop. I know that Alex invited your mother. She used the firms investigation service to locate her."

"Please" Olivia said as she looked up at Robert wide eyed "Any anger or anything take it out on me please. What ever you do don't say anything to Alex. Its my fault."

"Stop." Robert said as he stepped to Olivia "I'm not here to yell at you or anything else. You have no control over your mother's actions and can't be held liable. I'm here to take you back to Alex."

Olivia stepped away from him "Did you not hear my mother."

"I'm pretty sure my neighbors heard your mother."

"Did you at least listen?"

"At what?"

"Mr. Cabot I'm the product of a rape. My mother is an alcoholic and my father was a rapist. Know what that combination turns into. An alcoholic rapist. You heard my mother."

"Do you really think I didn't know that. Do you really think I didn't investigate you when I saw how serious you were getting with Alex. I know everything."

"You're ok with your daughter dating a future rapist?"

"Have you ever forced yourself on Alex?"

"No sir."

"Will you ever force yourself on Alex?"

"I swear to you I will kill myself before I would ever hurt Alex."

"Good. Grab your coat and lets go."

"Go where?"

"I came here to take you back to Alex." Robert said as he handed Olivia her jacket.

Olivia looked at Robert with a puzzled look on her face.

"Olivia when you and Alex have kids you will learn you will do what ever it takes to make your children happy. You make my daughter happy. Even if I hated you I would still be here to get you. Because I would rather fake liking you than to see the pain and tears on my princess face."

"I promised you I would never hurt her and I did."

"No your mother did. Despite what she has told you or said to you. You cannot be held responsible for your parent's sins."

"I've paid my whole life for my father's sins."

"That is unfortunate, but it stops now. So can we go, I really want to see my princess happy again."

"Mr. Cabot I appreciate you coming here and everything but I can't go back.'

"Why not?"

"I not only embarrassed you and your family but the look on Alex's face when I left. I can't get it out of my head."

"Your mother embarrassed my family not you. The best way to lose the look Alex had on her face when you left is to replace it with the look she will have when I bring you back. You ready to go?"

Olivia smiled and nodded as she took her coat from Robert and slid it on. Taking one last look around the house Olivia turned and followed Robert out the door.

"Are you sure she wants to still be with me?" Olivia asked as they turned down the Cabot's drive way. She wasn't sure she could handle it if Alex refused her.

"I'm positive Olivia."

"Are you sure you and Mrs. Cabot don't have a problem with me dating Alex? With my history and everything." Olivia asked as she turned to face Robert

"If I wasn't Olivia trust me I would have to move past it. I have never seen anyone make her as happy as you do. She lights up whenever you walk in the room. There's a glow that comes over her that is amazing, whenever you are around. If you ask me you two are soul mates."

"One more thing" Olivia said as she stepped out of the car "Alex asked me to move in with her tonight."

"I hope you said yes."

"I did" Olivia said as a smile spread across her face "I want you to know I'm going to pull my fair weight. I don't expect to live there without paying my share."

Robert walked around the car and wrapped his arm around Olivia's shoulders and hugged him to her.

"There's not a doubt in my mind on that Olivia. Now please go to Alex."

Olivia nodded and quickly bounded up the stairs as Crystal opened the front door.

"I'm so glad you came back." Crystal said as she motioned for Olivia to follow her.

"I am to Mrs. Cabot."

Crystal stopped at the door to the same bedroom that Olivia had changed in earlier and knocked on the door.

"Mom I just want to be alone right now." Alex shouted through the closed door.

"Ok Blondie, I'll just have your dad take me home." Olivia said as she opened the door

"Olivia" Alex said looking up.

Olivia's heart clenched at the sight of Alex. She had black streaks running down her face from where her mascara had ran and her eyes were red and puffy from crying. Her hair looked as if she had stuck her finger in a light socket. To Olivia though she had never looked more beautiful.

Alex sprung up off the bed and leaped into Olivia's arms.

"I thought you left for good." Alex said burying her head in the crook of Olivia's neck and inhaling deeply to make sure she wasn't dreaming.

"I had but someone decided to come and talk some sense into me."

"Oh daddy, thank you" Alex said looking over Olivia's shoulder at her father not yet ready to leave Olivia's arms.

"You're welcome princess." Robert choked out

"We'll see you in the morning." Crystal whispered as she quietly shut the door behind her giving the two some privacy. Crystal turned and looked at her husband and smiled to herself when she saw the tear roll down his cheek. He may always come off as a hard ass but when it came to Alex he was a softie.

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><p><strong>AN:** **I know there was some that reviewed wanting ALex to chase after Olivia. I thought I would be a little unorthodox and have Robert go and bring Olivia back to Alex. I hope everyone liked the switch up. As always reviews are welcomed.**


	15. Staying with Alex

**A/N: Sorry the updates have been sporadic but unfortunately the job is requiring more of my time. Hopefully everything will slow down soon and I can update more often.**

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><p>"If you ever do that again I swear you will never live to retire." Alex said as she pounded her fist onto Olivia's chest. "Do you hear me?"<p>

"And feel you to Blondie." Olivia said as she grabbed Alex's wrist to stop her from beating on her.

"Sorry it's just." Alex started to say but looked away.

"Just what?"

"I thought I had lost you."

"You did. Well at least you did till your father showed up. The man can be very persuasive."

"Why did you feel the urge to walk out on me?"

"I'm sorry were you not listening to my mother?" Olivia asked as she guided Alex to the bed.

"Everyone was listening to your mother."

"I know" Olivia said dropping her head "I'm sorry about embarrassing you in front of your family and friends.

"Olivia you could never embarrass me and truthfully I could care less what my family and friends think. The only thing that matters to me is us."

"Yeah but them not liking me will make for some very tense holidays for you."

"Not with you standing beside me. Now stop changing the subject. Why did you feel the urge to walk out on me?"

"My mother always said I had to pay for my father's sins. Tonight she proved that point. Not to mention what if I take after my father and become a rapist?"

Alex pushed Olivia on the bed and straddled her. She loved how Olivia's chocolate eyes would turn almost black with desire instantly with her. Alex did everything she could to reign in her libido when she stared into Olivia's eyes. She had to make sure Olivia understood everything she was about to say otherwise there was no telling how many times they may have to revisit the subject.

"You will never become your father. Not one time have you ever forced me to do something I didn't want to do, whether it was in the bed or not. I have felt nothing but love, respect, and safety when I'm with you. If I even remotely thought you would ever hurt me I wouldn't be here right now. We would have ended months ago."

Unable to find her voice hearing what Alex had to say she pulled Alex to her and kissed. She hoped and prayed that she could convey everything she felt at that moment with one simple kiss.

Alex moaned when Olivia's lips met hers. She felt a new surge of desire hit her when she realized this kiss was nothing like the ones shared before. She knew with this kiss Olivia was opening herself up and accepting someone at their word. Something Alex knew Olivia had never done before.

"You're amazing" Olivia said when she finally broke the kiss.

"Thank you." Alex hummed as she rolled off Olivia but snuggled into her side as she laid her head on her chest.

Olivia laid there holding Alex and running her hand through her golden hair. After a while Olivia could hear a slight snore coming from Alex. When she was sure she wouldn't wake Alex by moving she slid out from under Alex. When she heard Alex make a little noise she placed a kiss to her temple, which instantly calmed her.

Olivia lifted Alex with ease and placed her under the covers making sure she was tucked in tightly so she wouldn't get cold. As Olivia made her way to the door she heard Alex start to whimper. She darted back to the bed and ran her hand on Alex's arm while placing a kiss to Alex's temple. Alex murmured something Olivia couldn't understand before falling back asleep. When Olivia was sure Alex was at peace again she made her way to the door.

Olivia quietly snuck out of the room and secured the door behind her. She stood on the landing listening for sounds hoping Alex's parents were still up. When she heard a noise from the kitchen, she turned and headed for the stairs. She was almost at them when she heard a voice behind her that stopped her in her tracks.

"I hope you are not trying to leave Olivia?" Crystal asked when she saw Olivia sneaking toward the stairs.

"No Mrs. Cabot." Olivia said as she turned to face her "I was in search of either you or Mr. Cabot."

"Is there something you need?"

"I was wondering where I would be sleeping at tonight?"

"I was under the impression in the room you just came out of. Unless you chose not to sleep with Alex."

"I would actually prefer to but I wasn't sure what rules you had in place. I didn't want to disrespect either of you by doing so."

"I thank you for that Olivia but we are aware of the fact that you have stayed some nights in Alex's apartment. After the night that Alex has had she needs you by her tonight."

"I know. I'm so sorry I swear to you I will never walk out on her again."

"Olivia you don't need to promise or reassure me. The one you need to tell that to and make believe it is in that room. I'm not sure what Alex has told you of her past relationships but they weren't good. Please don't misunderstand they weren't abusive in any way but they used her. That hasn't been too easy on her."

"I know, she told me about Vicci."

"You're the first one that's she's let in and trusted again since her. The rest she would just date a few times and then go on her way. She's happy with you Olivia. Probably the happiest I've ever seen her. Frankly I would like to continue to see that."

"I will always try my best Mrs. Cabot."

"I know you will." Crystal answered as she hugged Olivia to her. "Now you need to get back in there before she wakes up and realize you're gone."

Olivia made her way back into the bedroom and quietly slid into the bed. Alex pressed her body into hers and sighed. Olivia kissed the top of her head before pulling her even tighter against her.

"You have a nice conversation with my mom?" Alex asked as Olivia laid her head down.

"Were you listening at the door?"

"No. I woke up and you were gone. I was going to search for you when I heard you and my mother talking outside the door. When I knew where you were at I just crawled back in bed and waited on you."

"I will never again put you through what you went through today. I promise you."

"I know baby." Alex said as she entwined her fingers with Olivia's "Now let's get some sleep. We have a lot to do tomorrow. We have to get you moved in."

"Yes we do" Olivia said as she closed her eyes and let sleep overtake her.


	16. Injured

**A/N: Sorry it's taken so long to update but I admit I got a little side tracked with my story The Return. I promise the updates won't be as sporadic. That is if work will allow it. For the intrest of the story I have advanced it to a little over one year**

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><p>Olivia's lungs burned for the need of more oxygen as she turned the corner closing in on the suspect. Every step she took sent a shooting pain through her ankle from where she had landed wrong a little while ago. Olivia saw the chance she needed when the suspect reached a fence he was having trouble climbing. Taking as deep of a breath as she could she used the last surge of energy to close the gap even more and grab the perp.<p>

Olivia grabbed the man by the back of his collar and pants to pull him off the fence. Olivia felt the punch to the right side of her face before her brain could register what was happening. Caught off guard Olivia released her hold and stumbled back losing her footing. She pulled her weapon from its holster placing the front sights on the suspect as she hit the ground. She bit her tongue to keep from screaming out when her elbow met the gravel beneath her.

The suspect seeing his chance advanced on her and kicked the gun from her hand. Olivia turned her head to see what direction her weapon went. That was when he delivered a blow to the side of her head. The pain that soared through her was almost to much to bear. She struggled to focus and stay awake. She knew she hadn't called in her new location when she turned the corner so no one new where she was.

The switchblade being opened seemed to be magnified in her ears. She turned back to face the suspect with enough time to block the knife with her left arm. She screamed out as it sliced through her skin. She screamed again when she felt the knife plunge into her side.

"You know that's the same sound the women made as I sliced them up." The perp whispered into Olivia's ear "God I love that sound."

He raised the knife again to plunge it back into Olivia when she grabbed her radio and slammed it into the side of his head. It caused him to stumble but not stopping his assault. Olivia pulled back and delivered another blow. This time she could hear the crunching sound of bone when she connected with the radio.

He hollered out dropping the knife and grabbing the side of his head.

"You bitch"

Olivia wrapped her legs around him and flipped them over. Just as he landed he grabbed his knife ready to kill her. His eyes was a wide as saucers when he faced Olivia and quickly dropped his knife.

"Tell me how want it." Olivia growled through clenched teeth as she leveled her back up weapon to the kill zone between his eyes. Without removing her eyes off the suspect Olivia pushed the red button on the side of the radio, praying that would still work. Apparently it did because with in minutes the alley way was swarming with cops.

With in seconds the perp was jerked to his feet and pushed into a wall as he was handcuffed. Olivia stood on shake legs and ran her hands through her hair. This was the closest she had come in the last year to being killed. She walked over and retrieved her weapon securing it back in her holster.

"Lets get you checked out" Mark Johnson, her partner said as he guided her to the ambulance.

"I'll be fine just give me a minute"

"I can see that but lets get an ice pack on your face. I can only imagine what your husband will say when you get home."

"Nothing since I don't have one" Olivia answered frustrated that he was using this opportunity to try to find out more about her life.

"Why are all the white shirts here?"

"You pressed the red button. That sends every cop this side of the Mississippi to you. Not to mention the commissioner should be here shortly."

Olivia groaned at hearing the commissioner would be there. She knew Alex would be pacing at the hospital before she even arrived now.

"Ma'am please have a seat here so we can look you over." The paramedic said as she guided Olivia to the waiting ambulance.

"I suppose there's no way to place a bandage on me and let me go."

"No officer you were cut and stabbed. I hate to break it to you but you are going to need stitches.

"Fine" Olivia mumbled as the pain in her side was starting to get worse "Lets get this done."

Three hours later Olivia slowly made her way up the stairs to the apartment she shared with Alex. With any luck she would already be asleep and Olivia wouldn't have to answer any questions till morning. Knowing how her luck was going today she had a feeling Alex would be waiting up for her.

Olivia felt her heart skip a beat when she opened the door and saw Alex in her NYPD shirt and shorts reading a book. She had her blond hair pulled back in a pony tail and was wearing her black reading glasses. God the things those glasses did to her.

"Who did you fight this time?" Alex asked as she looked over the top of her book at Olivia and saw the bruise forming on her cheek.

"Some guy. We were backing up another unit I followed the perp down the alley and got sucked punched."

Alex stood and walked over to Olivia wrapping her arms around her waist and pulling her to her.

"I'm glad your home" Alex whispered as she kissed Olivia.

Olivia hissed when Alex seemed to tighten her hold right where she was stabbed.

"What is it?" Alex asked as she began to unbutton Olivia's shirt "I thought you siad you were suckered punched."

"I was and then um I was stabbed." Olivia whispered as she stilled Alex's hands.

"STABBED" Alex screamed as she ripped the rest of the buttons off Olivia's shirt and seeing the bandage.

"Why didn't anyone call me?"

"I told them not to."

"You told them not to."

"Baby I only needed a few stitches so there was no reason to worry you."

"TO worry me!" Alex said as she stepped from Olivia "Oh it ok for me to worry from the second you leave this house till you walk back though that door. But not when your hurt."

"No that's not what I meant"

"I tell you what when I'm important enough to you to be told when your injured on the job let me know." Alex said as she walked to the bedroom "Until then I suggest you go to the one that was important enough to call."

Olivia jumped at the sound of the bedroom door slamming. She stood their confused not sure what just happened. She thought she was doing Alex a favor by not telling her. She didn't need the added stress since she was graduating tomorrow. How wrong was she.

"Alex" Olivia called through the closed locked door. "Please open the door."

Olivia smiled when she heard the lock being turned. What she wasn't prepared for was the pillow and blanket that was thrown in her face.

"If I'm not important enough to be told you're hurt then I'm not important enough to share a bed with you. Take the couch or find another woman to share the bed with tonight. It sure as hell wont be me."

Olivia slowly made her way back to the couch. She shook the blanket out and tossed the pillow onto the couch. She lowered herself onto the couch and stared at the bedroom door. She had a feeling it would be a long time before she would be allowed back in there.


	17. Walking Out

Olivia jerked awake when she felt someone touch her, biting her lip at the pain that coursed though her.

"What is it? What's wrong?" Olivia asked as she grabbed her weapon from the table going fully into cop mode.

"You didn't tell me." Alex choked out as a fresh batch of tears ran down her face "I thought I meant more to you."

"Baby you do." Olivia said as she sat up motioning for Alex to sit next to her.

Alex shook her head no and wrapped her arms tighter around her.

"Is it the red head I saw talking to you the other day at the diner. Do you want her and don't know how to tell me."

"Red head what red head are you talking about."

"The one who's number I found in your pocket the other day when I was doing laundry. I watched her give you her number last week."

"Honey I'm confused what red head and what number are you talking about?"

"So your going to deny it."

"Yes as soon as I know what your talking about."

"When you came into the diner last week. I looked up in time to see some red head flirt with you. Next thing I know she had her arms wrapped around your neck and was shoving a piece of paper into your pocket. Then she kissed you on the cheek and left. You did nothing to stop her."

"Alexandra Cabot I didn't keep her number and its obvious that you weren't paying close attention. I was trying to pry her off me and get over to you. I threw her number in the trash."

"Yeah right. Do I really look that dumb to you. I thought you were different from everyone else." Alex walked toward the kitchen "How wrong I was."

"Is that what you think?" Olivia asked as she stood trying her best not to yell at Alex. She knew and understood why she was taking her anger out in this manner. But she had to draw the line somewhere.

"It's what I know."

"Alex I'm not going through this with you right now. I'm tired and my side is throbbing. I'm sorry I didn't call you but I didn't want you to panic. You graduate in the morning and your under enough stress already."

"Come on admit. You got what you wanted from me and now you're done. Time to toss me aside."

"Yeah that's it." Olivia said as she slid her boots on "I used you and now I'm done. I got the red head on the side she appreciates your money."

"I should have known better. Why did I ever think you were different?"

"I don't know maybe because I am but for some reason tonight I'm not." Olivia shot back as she grabbed her jacket and reached in the pocket "Maybe this will change your mind."

Olivia stepped forward and slammed something on the table. The next thing Alex heard was the slamming of the door. She turned around slowly and looked at the small black velvet box on the table. She picked it up and opened it slowly. Her hand flew to her mouth as a sob escaped it. Inside had to be the most beautiful diamond engagement ring she had ever seen.

She ran to the door a flung it open hoping Olivia was still standing on the other side. Her heart fell to the floor when she was met with nothing. She quickly ran down the stairs and out the door.

"Olivia Olivia" She hollered as she reached the street and looked around. She pulled her robe tighter around her and slowly made her way back inside. What have I done? She asked herself as she closed the door behind her.

"Hey princess" Robert shouted through the door as pounded on it.

"I heard you the first time you shouted my name" Alex said as she threw the door opened.

One look at Alex told Robert what he needed to know. Sometime last night they had a major fight and Alex had spent the night crying. His guess would have to be over Olivia being injured. He was just surprised that they hadn't worked through it.

"You ready?"

"I'm not going." Alex said as she turned and headed for the couch.

"Honey I can tell you two had a fight but that's not a reason for you not to go to your graduation. Just give Olivia your keys that way you're not in the same car."

"I would love to dad but she left last night and hasn't been back. She's been avoiding my calls to."

"Princess give her time to cool down. Maybe after graduation you two can talk." Robert said as he wrapped his arms around her

"I doubt if she will be there. I said some pretty hurtful things last night. I accused her of being like everyone else I've ever dated."

"Alex you cant take your fear out on her and try to push her away. What's going to hurt more you pushing her away and or losing her on the job?"

"Both dad."

"Yeah but if you push her away you wont be able cherish the moments you would have had."

"I know."

"Now come on and lets get going." Robert said as he held the door open catching sight of Alex's left hand "What is that?"

"My ring" Alex whispered as she stared at the diamond as she had all night "Olivia put it on the table before she left. Said maybe this would change my mind. I chased after her but she was already gone. Dad what if I've lost her because of my stupidity?"

"She came back once she'll come back again."

"what if she don't?"

"Honey you cant think like that. God knows if I did every time your mother was pissed at me and walked out we would have never made it. One thing is for sure you wouldn't be here."

"Something tells me this time is different."


	18. Leaving

Olivia opened the door to the auditorium and snuck in toward the back corner. Even after everything that had happened last night there was no way that Olivia would miss Alex's graduation. Even though Alex made it painfully clear what she thought of her she still loved her. She knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she would forever kick herself for not watching Alex graduate. She would always watch after her, even if it was from a distance.

Alex looked up from her seat. She could sense Olivia was there. Even though the room was crowded she could still spot Olivia. She was standing in a dark corner trying her best to not to be seen. She wore the charcoal pants and black turtleneck sweater she had bought her for her birthday. The black leather jacket she had really set it off. It made her seem dangerous yet safe all at the same time.

Olivia stood where she was until she heard Alex's name called. There was no way to explain how she felt watching Alex walk across the stage and receive her diploma.

"I'm proud of you Blondie" Olivia whispered as she started to walk toward the exit after Alex had taken her seat. She had reached the door when she remembered the loud creaking sound it made as she entered. Not wanting to draw attention to herself as she left she stood next to it waiting for the ceremony to end.

Alex tossed her cap into the air following the tradition of several centuries. As soon as it was out of her hands she bolted for the door. She had watched it open and Olivia slip out. Hopefully she would not be late like she was last night and could stop her love.

As she bolted through the door she was greeted with the same emptiness as before. There was no sign of Olivia anywhere's. For a woman who was in for the fight of her life the day before she sure could move fast. Feeling defeated she walked back in and joined her parents.

"Did you catch her?" Robert asked.

"No I didn't."

"I'm sorry princess." Robert said as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders "Maybe she will be at your party and you two can talk there."

"I seriously doubt it dad. I know you put a lot effort into my party but I would prefer just to go home. I want to be there when she comes back."

"I understand."

Alex stopped in her tracks and saw Olivia's leather jacket tossed across the back of the couch. Something told her she had made the right decision by coming home. What she wasn't prepared for was the surprise of her life in the bedroom.

"What the hell are you doing?" Alex asked when she saw the suitcase Olivia was packing.

Olivia stopped packing and looked up at her angel. Man she had to learn to stop thinking of her like that.

"You were suppose to be at your parents" Olivia stated as she grabbed a handful of black socks "Not here."

"So what you were just going to come in here pack and leave. Make sure I wasn't home when you did so?"

"I'm trying to make it easier on you. If you're worried that I'll take something that is yours you can relax. I'm only taking my uniforms and the few clothes I had when I moved in along with academy items. Everything else you can do with as you please."

"So that's it's. One fight and you're out." Alex whispered as tears flowed freely from her eyes.

Olivia turned and faced Alex catching sight of the ring on her hand. She never knew until that moment that her heart could feel two opposite emotions at one time. Her heart swelled with love and pride when she saw the ring on Alex's finger. On the other hand it shattered into a million pieces knowing that she would never be the one by Alex's side for all times.

"Alex I understand that you're pissed about me not calling you when I was injured. I was trying to save you some extra stress. You have more than enough going on with your life with graduation and studying for the bar. But to have the nerve to accuse me of cheating and being like everyone else you've ever dated. When I have done everything to prove to you I'm different. When I have never looked at another woman since I've been with you. That's too far."

"Liv please"

"Please what?" Olivia asked as she grabbed her bag and hustled it over her shoulder grimacing at the pain "Please stay until next time you decide to accuse me? No thank you. Alex I love you. I wanted, hell I still want, to spend the rest of my life with you. Wake up with you in my arms every morning and go to sleep like that every night. One day have a house full of little Alex's running around. Not at the cost of having to constantly remind you that I'm not everyone else. Praying that if I'm ten minutes late I won't spend the next two hours trying to convince you I wasn't with someone else. Where the hell you got that idea I'll never know."

"The red head that night in the diner." Alex asked trying to stop Olivia as she passed her in the door way. "You took and kept her number."

"See that's what I'm talking about." Olivia said as she pushed past Alex and into the living room "I threw the number away. I'm not sure how many different ways I can tell you that."

"Really" Alex said as she pulled a number from her purse and walked over to Olivia. "Then who's number is this? I found it in your uniform pocket the other day when I was doing laundry."

"Oh thank god I thought I lost that number." Olivia said reaching out to take it from Alex. "I thought I lost that number and I didn't want to have to ask for it again."

"Who's number is it?" Alex asked pulling it out of Olivia's reach.

"Let me ask you something Alex." Olivia said as she sat the bag on the ground "If I was really cheating on you do you really think I'm dumb enough to leave another's woman's number where you could find it."

"I really don't know unless you were ready to get caught. Now who's number is it?"

"Captain William Jones. He's the commander over SWAT."

"Captain Jones? SWAT?"

"Yeah I'm passed my one year probation so I'm eligible to join SWAT now. That's his number so I can schedule a testing day."

"SWAT you're joining SWAT NOW." Alex said as she stood and flung the number in Olivia's face "Its not enough that you feel the urge to prove yourself to the *guys* by throwing yourself in unnecessary danger now you want to join SWAT."

"First of all I'm doing my job. You knew coming into this relationship that days like yesterday may happen. I don't intentionally put myself in unnecessary danger but it will be a cold day in hell before a brother in blue goes down on his own. Second of all if I join SWAT I get a twenty percent pay raise."

"Money? You're doing this for money?" Alex said as closed the distance between her and Olivia, realizing she had no clue how their finances were since Olivia took care of that. She was starting to suspect that her recent shopping spree for business suits may have put them in a bind "Honey if you need money just say so. I added you to my savings account you could have taken what you needed."

"I'm not taking your money. Isn't that what everyone else did? Wouldn't that make me just like them? If I need money I'll pull some extra shifts or take a few side jobs like I have been doing."

"If it's that big of a deal I will loan it to you and you can pay me back."

"No thanks Alex. I earn everything I get. I always have and always will." Olivia grabbed her bag again and headed for the door. "There's a check on the table for your father. Please make sure he gets it. I made sure to lock your checkbook up in the safe along with the debit card."

Alex reached out to stop Olivia the ring on her left hand catching her eye. Snatching the jacket off the couch and the check off the table she quickly ran after Olivia. She managed to escape her two times already. She'd be damned if there was going to be a third.

"Olivia wait." Alex pleaded. "Please don't leave."

Olivia stopped and turned around to face Alex.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Alex said as she made her way down the stairs to Olivia "I didn't know what to think. I saw the red head all over you and then when I do laundry a few days later there's a number."

"That you trust me and know that I would never do anything to jeopardize what we have. How about asking me about the number instead of jumping to conclusions that would have been nice."

"How was I suppose to ask you about it without sounding like the insecure jackass I apparently am."

"I found this number in your pocket honey, would you mind telling me who it belongs to? Would have been a nice start. I have never lied to you or kept anything from you when it pertained to that. I have no reason to start now. If you ever need anything let your uncle know. He'll know how to contact me."

"You're really leaving aren't you?" Alex asked as tears filled her eyes again.

"What choice do I have? You obviously don't trust me and if there's no trust there's no us."

"I know" Alex whispered as she slid the ring off her finger and handed everything to Olivia before bolting back up stairs.

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><p><strong>I know cruel<strong>


	19. Begging

**A/N: This chapter was the hardest to write. It is so hard to get someone back when trust is broken and was unsure of how to do it. My apologies if this is not a good chapter but I promise to make it up in the chapters to come. As always reviews are welcomed.**

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><p>Alex looked up from the table she was serving. She felt as if she was being watched. A feeling that had become common to her over the six months since her and Olivia separated. Most would find it creepy and stalker like but she found it endearing. She had a feeling that even if they couldn't work things out Olivia would always watch over her.<p>

Olivia had proved that in more than one way. When there was a rash of break-ins where she lived Olivia had replaced her door with a reinforced steel door. She knew it was her because when she said something to her dad about it he had no clue what she was talking about. That along with the monthly check her father received from her. The first one had a letter with it saying that she didn't want Alex to have to worry about working while she was studying for the bar. The rest were just envelopes with a check in it, never a return address.

What threw her for the biggest loop was when she went to the bank. That was when she learned that not only was Olivia depositing money into her account every two weeks but that while they were together Olivia had never used her money to help with the bills. She had fully taken on the burden herself. No wonder Olivia had picked up so many jobs and wanted to join SWAT. She needed the money not them. Which made her feel like a bigger ass than she already was.

It wasn't that she hadn't tried to contact Olivia since that fateful day because lord knew she had. Every time she hit the preverbal brick wall or in her case the blue wall. She had contacted her uncle hoping to get him to help her and he refused. When she showed up at the front desk of the precinct she worked at a line of officers appeared to refuse her any further into the building. Stating that they had instructions not to let her pass. She was pretty sure that hurt worse than what her father had done.

She had gone to him begging him to go and bring her back. He refused also. Simply stating that there are times that parents need to stay out of their children lives. When she had pointed out that he had done it before he reminded her it was under different circumstances and she needed to fix this herself.

So she did. She had employed the same agency that her father's law firm used. The same one she used to locate Olivia's mother. Except this time they were finding it very difficult to locate Olivia. It seemed as if she had fallen off the map. All her mail was routed to a P.O. Box and they could not find any lease in her name. When told that it was a lost cause Alex offered to pay triple the rate and ordered them to do what they could to find her. So they did.

She had rented a room in one of the worst places imaginable. A raunchy, cheap, seedy motel that seemed to have more hookers and drug addicts than it did roaches. Alex had waited outside Olivia's door for over three hours when one of the ladies of the night proceeded to tell her that if she came home it wouldn't be till early morning. She stayed out all night and slept about four hours before leaving again. Alex left feeling defeated and more determined than ever.

That was three weeks ago and brought her to where she was right now, waiting for Olivia to arrive. With the help of her mother, apparently the only one on her side, she had discovered that Olivia contacted her mother at least once a week to make sure Alex was ok and didn't need anything. So this evening when Olivia called to check on her she convinced her mother to tell her that she needed to see her. So in a few minutes she was going up stairs to her apartment and hopefully her mother could talk to Olivia. With any luck she could convince Olivia to give her ten minutes to beg for forgiveness.

"Mom I'm done and going to head upstairs."

"Ok sweetheart."

Alex opened the door and jumped when she turned on the light.

"What the hell? Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

"I could ask the same of you." Olivia said as she stood "What's wrong?"

"What?"

"In an agreement we reached your mother would never ask to see me unless something was wrong. Now I'll ask again what's wrong?"

"I miss you and I want ten minutes to beg for forgiveness. To grovel at your feet. What ever it takes to bring you back to me."

"Alex we've gone through this" Olivia dead panned as she headed for the door "No trust no relationship. I'm not in the mood to repeat that."

Alex head strong and determined grabbed Olivia by the shirt and literally slammed her against the door.

"I'm sorry. You have no clue how sorry I am that I misinterpreted everything. But put yourself in my shoes. Suddenly you are working doubles and extra jobs. When I asked why, you tell me you had your reason's. Then I see the red head all over you and a few days later I find a number in your pocket."

"Alex let me go"

"Not till I'm done. So I go to the bank a few weeks back and discovered you have never used any of my paychecks to help with the bills. You'd let me go shopping and spend whatever. No wonder you needed the extra shifts and jobs. Honey I realize you don't have much experience of sharing responsibilities or relationships so let me explain something to you. When you are in a relationship and both parties work and have a joint account you use all the money in that account."

"I wasn't working over for the bills. I wanted to get you a nice engagement ring. I make enough to cover all the bills and still have some left over."

"I didn't need a ring Olivia. I needed you. I only wanted, still want, you." Alex released Olivia and took a step back "The biggest mistake of my life was letting my past interfere with our relationship. I think you of all people should understand that. That's all."

"Good bye Alex" Olivia said as she opened the door and closed it behind her.

Alex stood there stunned she wasn't expecting Olivia to fall right back in bed with her but she thought for sure she could give her a second chance. With a second wave of determination Alex jerked the door open and charged out of it blindly. When she felt some one grab her tightly she started to scream and beat them on the chest with her fists.

"Hey Blondie its me relax." Olivia said as she let Alex go.

"I thought you left" Alex cried as she flung herself into Olivia's arms.

"I had but something you said made me turn around." Olivia whispered as she pulled Alex tighter against her "The biggest mistake was letting your past interfere with our relationship. I know all to well how that is."

"Yeah" Alex whispered as she looked up at Olivia with the first sparkle she had in weeks in them.

"Yeah Blondie, let's go inside and talk."

Alex was overjoyed with a chance to beg for forgiveness from Olivia.

"You hungry?" Alex asked as she led Olivia in and guided her to the couch.

"I'm fine I can pick something up on the way home."

"Home?" Alex asked as she looked up.

"Even if we can work this out Blondie I'm not moving back in immediately. This is something that can't be brushed away with I'm sorry and please forgive me."

"I know but please let me get you dinner. At least let me know you have had one good meal in six months."

"No Alex but thank you."

Alex nodded and dropped to her knees in front of Olivia.

Olivia raised an eyebrow and bit her inner cheek to prevent from laughing.

"What are you doing?"

"I am on my knees to beg for your forgiveness. You will never know how sorry I am."

Olivia placed a finger on Alex's lips to silence.

"Get off your knees and come sit with me."

Alex nodded and sat on the couch next to Olivia.

"Alex did you really think I was the type to cheat on you?"

"No.""Then why? Why did you think that?"

"I don't know."

"You saw something or you thought you did? It was more than the red head."

"It seemed as if all the women were throwing themselves at you. I guess with my past I assumed the worst."

"Alex there's not a day goes by that some woman hasn't thrown themselves at me. Its flattering and sickening at the same time. We have a name for them they are called holster sniffers. But I have never entertained a notion about any of them. Blondie the only one that gets my blood pumping and heart beating fast is you."

"Really? They always throw themselves at you?"

"Yes. I get an average of three numbers a day. All of which I've always thrown away, to the dismay of my partner. I don't want them. Yeah sure I bet the anonymous sex is outstanding. They would probably do things I've only dreamed about. Wait maybe I need to rethink this."

"Not helping." Alex said as she smacked Olivia's arm.

"Blondie in and out of the bedroom you more than satisfy me. You have since the first day I met you. I don't want to come home to anyone else, raise children with anybody else, or spend my final days with anyone else but you. "

"I would like that to. That is if your willing to give me a second chance. Olivia Benson I swear to you I will never doubt you or your love for me ever again. I want to spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I'll do what ever it takes, buy you what ever you want, name it, its yours."

"See that's just it" Olivia said as she stood with Alex quickly on her heels. She lost her once she'd be damned it will happen a second time. "I only want you. Nothing more."

"You have me." Alex whispered as she flung herself into Olivia's waiting arms as the tears flowed freely.


	20. Reconciled

Alex smiled as she watched her lover dance her way through the crowd. For someone who claimed they had no rhythm Olivia sure could move. In and out of the bedroom. Almost as if she knew Alex was watching her she turned around and winked at her. Alex smiled back at her as she reflected how much had changed in the past year and half. It had been a slow up hill climb but one that was well worth it.

A year and a half ago Olivia had walked out. Then six months later with the help of her mother she had walked back into her life. Since that day Alex had done everything she could to prove to Olivia that she not only believed in her but trusted her as well. It must have worked because almost six months ago Olivia had moved back in.

For them it was as if their communication seemed to improve immensely. Alex seemed to be able to make Olivia understand her need for her to be home. With the exception of when an officer was shot in the line of duty and Christmas Day, when Olivia would work a double for an officer with kids, she was home at a reasonable time. Olivia was able to get Alex to understand the need for her to hit the local cop bar once in a while for some off duty fun with the boys. Something that Alex learned about at the departmental Christmas party.

There was no longer a thought or concern when it came to Olivia and other women. There had been instances when Alex was going through Olivia's pocket so she could send the uniforms to the cleaners when she came across numbers. They always brought back the memory of that day and caused her to laugh. Laugh at how stupid she was to think Olivia was the same as the others.

It had also became a standing joke between them. Whenever she would find any numbers she would always give them to Olivia reminding her to hide them better. She was getting really tired of finding them. Olivia would always smile with a little twinkle in her eye and promise she would try harder.

There had only been one time that even had Alex slightly wondering. It wasn't a number but a handful of business cards. They were business cards for free lap dances at a strip club called the Golden Cat. It wasn't wondering if Olivia had a girl there but if she liked women stripping for her. Of course Alex stripped for Olivia but not in the sense of how a stripper would.

Alex not wanting a repeat of the previous occurrence debated half the evening how to approach the subject. If Olivia was going to strip clubs she was fine with it. She was just upset that Olivia hid it from her. Then she started thinking that maybe Olivia would like to experiment with role playing. If that was the case Alex would be more than happy to take a stripper course and install a pole in their bedroom.

Alex was pacing the apartment and constantly shifting on the couch. Olivia who was relaxing on the couch watching a game finally had enough and leaned back. She patted the couch, motioning for Alex to join her. Alex quickly relaxed into Olivia's embrace.

"You want to tell me what has you acting like a caged cat?" Olivia asked.

"Just a lot on my mind."

"Like what?"

"What do you think of strip clubs?"

"Its not really my thing but if that's something you're interested in we can go to one."

"I was thinking about the Golden Cat."

"I don't suggest that one. If you want to go to one we will go to Shooter's Alley."

"Why Shooter's Alley and not Golden Cat?"

"Shooter's Alley cater to law enforcement, Hence the name. Golden Cat is nothing but trouble."

"Then why do you have free lap dance cards to Golden Cat?" Alex asked as she buried her head into Olivia's chest scared of what she would think.

"So that's what this is about." Olivia said as she started laughing "Honey do you remember last week when I was in a bar brawl and was hit over the head with a beet bottle."

"Yeah"

"That was at Golden Cat. We responded to a fight and was able to break it up without damage to property. To repay us the owner gave us all cards for free lap dances. If you want to use them why not get a few of your friends together and go enjoy them."

"No that's ok"

"Then why all the questions?"

"I, umm, I found them in your pocket and I thought you were going. Its not that I don't trust you I just thought…"

"Thought what?"

"Maybe that was something you liked."

Olivia started laughing and pulled Alex tighter against her.

"The only woman I want or care to see naked is you Blondie."

"I know that I was thinking maybe you wanted to you know role play."

"Only if you want to. Now will you please relax so I can finish watching the game?"

"So your not mad or upset at me?" Alex almost whispered so low that Olivia barely heard her and was too scared of the answer.

"You came to me honey you didn't jump to any major conclusions. You asked me instead of assuming the worse. That's all I want from you but I am curious on the track your mind went. That maybe I wanted to role play. Is that something you're interested in?"

"No, Yes, I don't know."

"You handle your internal battle and let me know."

"Can I get you a drink?" A voice asked pulling Alex from her thoughts.

"No thanks I'm with someone."

"Well, I don't see them around so name your poison." The female stated as she placed her hand on Alex's back running it up and down it.

Alex was about to smack the woman's hand from her when she caught sight of Olivia in the mirror. The look in her eyes sent shivers up and down her spine. In all the time she had never seen Olivia jealous or even a hint of it. But tonight it was written all over her face.

"She's with me." Olivia said as she walked up to Alex.

"Well" The woman said glancing over to Olivia and then back to Alex "That's a shame. Although I don't see a ring so I still have a chance."

Olivia stepped up on the woman and growled.

"Ring or no ring, you don't have a chance because she's spoken for. Now leave."

Alex who had never seen Olivia like this was not only turned on but extremely shocked. In the past when they went out and women would offer to buy her drinks Olivia would just shake her head. Later that night they would usually have a good laugh at it. Tonight she had a feeling something was different.

The woman knowing when to leave and when to fight opted to turn and leave with her tail tucked between her legs. Olivia who was satisfied she was far enough away turned to Alex.

"I'm ready to leave how about you?"

"You know maybe I wanted to accept that drink."

Olivia raised her eyebrow at the statement before pinning her against the bar.

"Is that so" Olivia growled into her ear "Is that what you want? Because the last time I checked you were mine."

"Take me home." Alex groaned out turned on by the jealous and possessive side of Olivia.

Olivia nipped Alex's ear lobe before roughly grabbing Alex by the hips and guiding her out the door.


	21. Morning After

**A/N: I know its been forever since I've updated this story. I am so sorry but in my line of work I will be really slow for a few and then balls to the walls as we like to say. This is somewhat of a short chapter but I promise to make it up to you in the next chapter.**

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><p>Alex groaned the next morning as she woke and tried to stretch some extremely over worked muscles. Once they had walked out of the club Olivia had pinned Alex against the wall in the alley and assaulted her neck. How they ever made it home without breaking several laws was beyond her. She had never seen Olivia so possessive or controlling before. One thing for sure was she loved to see that side of her a little more often.<p>

Alex rolled over to wrap her arms around her lover only to find the bed cold and empty. Afraid she missed Olivia's cell phone going off for a call out she quickly glanced at the back of the bedroom door to make sure her SWAT gear was still there. She smiled seeing it still there and knowing her lover was on the other side of the door. Or at least she hoped she was.

Sliding out of bed and wincing slightly at the pain of her protesting muscles she threw her robe on and sashayed out of the bedroom. She had to grab hold of the wall and will herself to breath when she caught sight of Olivia. She was sitting at the table wearing a skin tight gray wife beater and a pair of black jeans. Her hair was still slightly damp from a shower and it looked as if she had just ran her fingers through it. She was at the table reading the newspaper and drinking coffee. Never in her life had she ever seen anything so hot and provocative as that.

"You plan on sitting with me or just staring at me from where you are?" Olivia asked never once looking from her paper.

"Can I do both?"

"Whatever turns you on?"

Alex breath caught in her throat. What ever turns her on? What turned her on was seeing her sitting at their table in a shirt that molded to her body like a second skin. A shirt that displayed every ripple of her six pack abs when she moved. Or the pants that she knew when she stood would mold to that perfectly developed ass of hers. The pants that would show how every muscle contracted and released with every step she took.

Alex slowly and carefully strutted forward. She snatched the paper from Olivia and tossed it toward the living room. She carefully removed the cup of hot coffee from Olivia's hand and sat it on the table to avoid burning either of them. Pushing Olivia back in the chair she straddled her and groan inward when she saw how dark Olivia eyes had become. That and how she grabbed her and held her tight against her.

"What turns me on officer is a dark haired beauty that rocks my world in more ways than one. An officer who loves me for me and made sure I knew last night that I was spoken for. An officer who gives me all the freedom in the world yet at the same time restricts me in so many ways."

"She must be one hell of an officer." Olivia husked out as she bit down on Alex's pulse point groaning as she felt Alex dig her nails into he shoulder.

"She is" Alex moaned out as she grabbed Olivia by the hair and pulled her back so she could claim her mouth. Teeth clashed and tongues dueled as the kiss intensified. Alex could have sworn her heart stopped beating for a few seconds.

When they broke their kiss both was fighting to regain the oxygen they just denied their bodies.

"Olivia I love you so much." Alex whispered as she felt tears start to form in her eyes "I thank god everyday…"

"Shhh" Olivia said as she placed her finger on Alex's lips to silence "What happened is in the past and exactly where it should stay. What we need to focus on is the present and the future."

"We are" Alex said as she extracted herself from Olivia's hold and made her way to the coffee pot "So what do you have in mind?"

"I was thinking" Olivia said as she stood and walked up behind Alex "We could begin with planning a small wedding. That is if you will have me?"

Alex sat her cup down and spun to face Olivia almost afraid to believe what she was hearing. She covered her mouth with her hand and gasped at the sight before her. Olivia was on one knee holding a black velvet box with a diamond ring.

"Alex you stole my heart the first day I walked into the diner and continue to do so everyday. I can't imagine my future without you in it. Lords know I don't want to, either. Will you please do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

"Yes yes yes" Alex cried out as tears flowed from her eyes.

Olivia stood and slid the ring on Alex's finger before pulling her against her. She slowly raised Alex face to hers and kissed her. She hoped she could convey everything she felt with this kiss.

Alex melted into Olivia's kiss. The amount of love and devotion she felt coming from Olivia made her heart swell. Growing up she had always wanted someone who would stand beside her and support her no matter what. When she started dating she was beginning to think she would never find that. And then Olivia walked into the café and changed everything.


	22. Rehearsal Dinner

."

Alex walked into the apartment tossing her heels to the side. As much as she loved them they were hell on he legs at times. Especially on days like to day when she had to run from courtroom to court room. She knew she was the rookie of the office but she wished she would be assigned a unit and soon. A noise from the bedroom pulled her from her thoughts.

"Olivia, if you give me about twenty minutes I'll be ready to go to dad's."

"Take your time" Olivia said as she stepped out of the bedroom in full uniform. She was dreading telling Alex what she was about to tell her.

"SWAT call out?" Alex asked already knowing the answer.

"I'm sorry baby. It's a hostage situation at a house. The perp has already shot at officers injuring one. He said the only way he will come out is in a body bag but that's after he kills his family."

"Are you sure you're not faking this to escape this party?"

"As much as I hate these events I would gladly go and stand by your side on this one. It means I'm one step closer to making you my wife. Something I cant wait to do."

"I know" Alex said as she wrapped her arms around Olivia "Me to. Go save the family and be careful. You have to be alive to marry me."

"I know and I will" Olivia said as she kissed her quickly and headed for the door "Hopefully this wont take to long and I will meet you at your dads house ok."

Alex stared at the door after Olivia had closed it. She hated the feeling of dread that seemed to encompass her when Olivia had a SWAT call out. There was always that extra fear of her not returning when she was activated. She knew Olivia wouldn't put herself in any extra undue harm but still she was walking right into the proverbial burning building.

Alex pulled her BMW into her spot at her parents house amazed that people were already starting to show. The party technically didn't start for another hour but leave it to their friends and family to show up early. She just hoped that she would be able to talk to her mom or dad alone before the party started.

Crystal smiled as she looked up at her daughter when she entered. One look at her and she could tell something was wrong. Hell for that matter she knew what it was. Olivia was called out for SWAT.

"Honey she will be ok and home in a few." Crystal whispered as she pulled Alex into her arms.

"How did you know?"

"The look on your face. The only time you look like it's the end of the world is when she is called out and your uncle Joe called saying he would be late their was a hostage situation."

"I'm worried about her. The only time the activate SWAT is when there is a violent or potential for violent situation."

"Honey Olivia has come out of more situations alive than she should have or possibly could. She will do the same again."

"You know at some point her luck will run out."

"But it won't be tonight. Now go get ready everyone should start arriving shortly."

Three hours later found Alex making her way around the room and greeting everyone while fielding the where's Olivia question. Anytime she heard the door open she would look up praying it was Olivia. Each time though she was wrong. She had even pulled her cell phone out a few times but opted not to try to call her. The last thing she wanted was for Olivia to be clearing the house and get distracted by the phone.

That didn't mean she couldn't call her uncle. He would be at the command center and not in the center of everything. That thought proved useless as well. Each time she called she got his voicemail. It didn't shock her. He was one of the few commissioners that was still involved in his officers lives at work. If there was a SWAT call out, officer injured, or god forbid an officer killed he was there from the get go. She has seen him sit at a hospital for five days while an officer fought for his life.

"Hello Alexandra" a voice said pulling her from her thoughts.

"Aunt Liz I'm glad you could make it." Alex said as she made her way through the crowd and hugged her.

"Miss your engagement slash rehearsal dinner, never. Now where is this dashing officer that stole your heart?"

"On a call out."

"A call out?"

"There is a hostage situation that they activated SWAT for. I thought they would be finished by now but I guess not. Hopefully it wont be much longer."

"Its two days before the wedding and she is at a SWAT call out. She needs to be here."

"Liz relax" Alex said laughing "Its her job and she's very good at it. As long as she is at the end of the aisle on Saturday morning I don't mind."

"I have to say you're amazing. I would be pissed as hell and calling Joe if I was you."

"Don't think I wasn't a little hurt and thought about calling Joe. But again its her job. Besides I know how much she hates these formal functions so its probably better."

"If you say so. We need to meet for lunch and discuss your future with the DA's office. Its never to early to start campaigning for the DA's spot."

"Aunt Liz please."

"Honey this is your future that we need to talk about."

"Aunt Liz" Alex said shaking her head "That is something I need to talk over with Olivia before I make any decisions."

"Don't wait too long. You don't want to miss your chance."

"Liz we will talk about that later" Alex said as she spotted her uncle coming through the door "Uncle Joe is here so Olivia shouldn't be to far behind him. I will talk to you later."

Alex smiled as she walked toward her Uncle. If he was here that meant the standoff was done and she could finally be wrapped in those strong arms that she loved.

"Hey uncle Joe" Alex said as she hugged him tightly "How much longer till Olivia will be here."

Joe took his hat off and looked at the floor. This was always hard but it was even harder when he had to tell a loved one.

"Alex there was an accident. I'm sorry but Olivia was shot."


	23. At the Hospital

**A/N: Two updates in one day is a record for me. My way for apoligizing for not updating sooner and when I did left you with a hell of a cliff hanger. My deepest apoligies. To the readers that are still with me thank you so much for that. Work had become hectic so I wasnt able to write like I usually do. **

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><p>"Shot what do you mean shot?" Alex yelled as the tears began to flow.<p>

"It was a freak accident Alex I'm sorry. The bullet entered just under her vest. When I left the scene to come get you the paramedics was still working on her."

"It was suppose to be a simple hostage negotiation. How the hell did she get shot?"

"I'll explain everything en route to the hospital. We need to get going though. To be honest it wasn't looking good when I left."

When Alex heard those words she collapsed on the floor sobbing. How could it be? In forty eight hours she was suppose to be exchanging vows that include till death do us part. Now the death portion may come before she could be called Alexandra Cabot-Benson. Before they had a chance to full fill the many dreams they had discussed over the past few months.

"Come on Alex" Robert whispered as he helped her to her feet "Olivia is a fighter and there's no way she would just give up. Right now you have to be strong for her. When we know she will survive then you can break down."

Alex nodded as she allowed herself to be led to her uncle's SUV surrounded by patrol cars. She slid into the back and allowed her father to shut the door. She could faintly hear him telling Joe that they would meet them at the hospital.

"Alex" Joe said as he reached for her hand "I'm so sorry."

"How Joe?"

"The suspect agreed to let his children leave but refused to let his wife go. As the children was being led from the house he began to fire at them. Olivia used her body as a shield when the shots rang out. Apparently when she dove behind the children to take the gun fire that caused her vest to move up some. Just enough to allow a bullet to penetrate her under it in the abdomen."

Alex turned and stared out the window into the dark New York Night. The night almost seemed to match her mood. It wasn't until she felt the SUV jerk to a stop that she realized they had stopped at the hospital. An officer ran to the SUV and held the door open and offered his arm to escort her in. She politely took it and allowed herself to be led to a room that was over flowing with officers. She felt her throat constrict and a new batch of tears form in her eyes. Anyone could see that each and everyone was hurting. Not as much as she was but they were hurting none the less. She also knew the thought that was rolling through their heads. The same thought goes through all their heads and makes them feel even worse. It could be me on that table followed with a silent thanks that it wasn't.

"Alex" Jones said as he stepped up to her.

Alex looked up at the man who had activated SWAT and made the call that put Olivia where she was. Without saying a word she pulled her hand back and struck him across the face.

"You bastard." She spat out between clenched teeth "You knew we were getting married on Saturday and we had the rehearsal dinner tonight but you still called her. You put her here. If you have a god to pray to I suggest you start now because if she doesn't make it out alive I will haunt you for the remainder of your days."

"I understand" Jones answered. He knew that she blamed him and would for a while. This wasn't the first time he had been threatened by a loved one when an officer was injured in the line of duty.

"Miss Cabot would you like us to get you anything?" An officer asked as he stepped forward

"No I'm good."

"Please have a seat and I will go and get a nurse or doctor to update you personally."

"Thank you officer?"

"Officer Gomez"

"Thank you officer Gomez."

Alex took the seat that was offered her as officers began to approach her offering their prayers and condolences. She accepted each one with a nod. No matter how mad or hurt she was she knew they were hurting the same.

"Miss Cabot" A young man who looked to be in his forties said as he entered the room.

"Yes"

"Hi Miss Cabot I'm Dr. Green" The man said as he extended his hand "I worked on Olivia when she came in. She received a gunshot to her lower tight quadrant of her abdomen. She lost a considerable amount of blood before she arrived. The best we can tell though is the bullet missed all major organs. She is currently in exploratory surgery to assess any further damage she may have sustained."

"Do we know what the chances are?"

"Considering it looks like the bullet missed all major organs then pretty good. We are worried about the extensive blood loss she endured. We type and crossed and instantly hung two liters along with a bag of platelets to help with clotting."

"Thank you will you please make sure I'm notified the second she is out of surgery or when anything changes during surgery."

"Yes ma'am." The doctor said as he hurried away.

Alex looked around the room and took in her surroundings and the officers in the room with her. The room was the traditional color of drab gray and neutral colors covering the chairs. There was a few paintings on the wall but they were as drab as everything else.

The officers looked worn out and haggard. She could see how their work was taking a toll on their features. Most seemed to be prematurely turning gray and theirs eyes held the unspoken amount of pain and violence they see daily. Having just met them one would mistake the look for a cold hearted look. If they would just look closer they could see the pain and anguish they suffered through on a daily basis.

"Benson family" A doctor called out as she exited the doors.

"Here" Alex choked out as she stood with the help of other officers.

"Miss Cabot" The doctor said as she approached her " Miss Benson is out of surgery and doing fine. The bullet seemed to travel a straight path through her and missed all major organs. There was some extensive bleeding which we stopped in surgery due to an artery being nicked by the bullet. She is in recovery now and will be moved to her room in about an hour. You will be able to see her then."

"Doctor that's not going to work I want to see her now."

"I'm sorry Miss Cabot but that's not going to happen. Only family is allowed into the recovery area."

"Dr. Stinchcomb" Alex said reading the name badge for the first time. "I don't think you understand. I am her fiancé and we are getting married on Saturday."

"But you are not married yet so you can not go back there."

"I also over see a large trust fund that help off set the costs you endure and help pay the staff's salary. Do you understand what I am saying?"

"I don't care."

"But you should I can tell by your badge that you're a fourth year surgical resident and have not received your fellowship to this hospital. Believe me when I say I can make or break you when it comes to that. So are you or a nurse going to show me the way to my future wife."

"Let me guess Cabot as in the Cabot's who control over half of New York."

"Yes. So which way toward recovery."

"This way ma'am"

"Thank you" Alex said as she followed her down a long hallway. They stopped at a set of double doors that required an employee badge to enter.

"Look its going to look worse than what it is. There are going to be IV's and she is hooked up to oxygen at the moment. That's standard procedure after surgery. Most of which will be removed when we move her to her room."

"I can handle it."

"I hope so" Stinchcomb said as she opened the door and motioned for Alex to enter.


	24. Coming To

**A/N: Ten years ago today the U.S. suffered the largest attack on american soil in history. That day we lost more officer's and firefighters in the line of duty than in any given moment. 343 firefighters and over 60 officer's. May we each find peace in our on way from that day. **

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><p>Alex stopped just inside the door and stared at the sight before her. Olivia laid in a bed with a sheet secured tightly around her. Her olive complexion now consisted of an ashen white color. There was an oxygen mask on her along with an EKG hooked up to her to monitor the functions of her heart. There was a blood pressure cup hooked to her right arm and an IV attached to her left arm.<p>

Alex took a deep breath to control the wide range of emotions going through her as she looked at her soon to be wife. They varied from relief that she was ok and alive to pure anger for her throwing herself in front of a bullet. She understood and lord knew she loved the woman even more knowing she did what she could to protect the children.

Alex gingerly pulled a chair next to the bed and sit down as quietly as she could. She reached forward and carefully entwined her fingers with Olivia's so not to tangle any wires. Just as she went to lay her head on the side of the bed and offer up a prayer of thanks she heard a raspy voice.

"The children?" Olivia asked as she began to come to in her drug induced state.

"Shh just rest baby" Alex said as she patted her hand.

"The children" Olivia said as she became more aware of her surroundings and grimaced at the pain that coursed through her when she tried to sit up.

"No baby" Alex ordered as she jumped to her feet and tried to push Olivia back down "Just lay down and relax. You were shot."

"I have to get the children."

"No baby" Alex whispered as she ran her fingers through Olivia's short locks, understanding what she was meaning "You did get the children. Baby you saved them and they are o.k."

"Where are they?"

"At the station being debriefed by a crisis counselor."

"Good" Olivia whispered as she started to fade away again "Sorry I ruined your evening."

Alex choked out a sob hearing Olivia apologize. Here she was fighting for her life and she was worried about other people. One thing for sure was each day she managed to amaze Alex more and more. She had never met anyone so giving yet never expecting or wanting anything in return.

"Mrs. Benson" A nurse said as she approached and laid a hand on Alex's shoulder "Mrs. Benson?"

Alex realizing that the nurse was addressing her turned and faced her.

"Yes and it's still Miss. Cabot, at least till Saturday."

"We need you to step out we are going to move her to room 4215 on the fourth floor. You will be able to go and see her in about thirty minutes."

"There's no way I can stay with her?"

"Not for the move no ma'am. But the second she is in the room you are more than welcome to come up and stay as long as you like."

"Thank you." Alex said as she stood and stretched "I guess I really need to go and update all the officer's out in the waiting room."

As she headed for the waiting room she allowed her mind to wander where she had never allowed it before. Would Olivia consider leaving the force? She knew Olivia loved it and she was born to be a cop but Alex wasn't sure how many more ER visits she had left in her. If her calculations was correct then she should be dead sometime next year. Due to the fact that Olivia always managed to shave about five years off her life with each stunt, each one a little worse than the other.

If she wouldn't leave the force would she at least consider an inter-departmental transfer and leaving SWAT? Lord knew she didn't need to maintain her position on SWAT. They had more than enough money, especially since she came into her inheritance last month.

"Officer's she is doing fine and they are moving her to room 4215." Alex said as she entered the waiting room noticing the amount of officer's seemed to have double "She can have visitor's in about thirty minutes."

Anyone within a twenty mile radius could hear the exhale of breath that each officer did upon hearing the news. The look of relief was more than evident on everyone's face.

"Miss Cabot we are going to leave and give you two ladies some time alone" Captain Jones said as he stepped forward "if you need anything, anything at all, please call us and let us know. Please let Benson know we will stop by in the morning after she has rested."

"Jones please stay." Alex said as she placed a hand on his arm "She will want to see all of you."

"Alex this has taken a toll on both of you." Jones said as he pulled her to him in a hug "You need to talk and reconnect. Most importantly you need to talk about what's running through your head."

Alex pulled back and stared at him. How could he have known what was going through her head? There was no way. In the past year Alex had become a master at blocking her facial expressions, to the point she had become nicknamed the Ice Princess.

"How did you know?"

"Because at one time or another our spouses have faced the same dilema that you are at this moment."

"Any advice?"

"Talk to her. Let her know how you feel and what you're thinking. I can tell you this. Olivia is what we call a cop's cop. She was born for this. You take her from it and it will be like taking a flower from needed sun light. She will slowly die on the inside and no longer be the woman you fell for."

"I know" Alex said as she began to break down for the first time "It's just. It's all so hard."

"And it never gets any easier. Now go to her. The last thing you want is her waking up in a room all alone. We will be back in a few hours."

"Thank you Jones." Alex said as she walked away and entered the waiting elevator.


	25. Next Day

"Excuse me miss" Alex said as she approached the nurse's station "Could you tell me if Olivia Benson is situated in her room and if I can enter yet?"

The Nurse looked up from the chart she was reading and studied the blonde hair beauty for a minute. After what seemed like an eternity the nurse broke into a smile.

"Yes Miss Cabot she is. We are having a chair from maternity sent up along with a few extra blankets and pillows. The chair will fold out into an extremely uncomfortable twin bed but if you double up on the cushions it should do fine. If you need anything else please let us know. We will try to be as quiet as possible as we slip in and out throughout the night."

Alex smiled sweetly at the woman. Apparently her little rampage in the waiting room had made its way up to the fourth floor.

"Thank you."

Alex snuck into the room as quietly as she could not wanting to disturb Olivia. She settled herself in the chair and stared at her love. Her color was slowly starting to return and she no longer looked like a ghost. She grimaced from time to time leading Alex to think she may need some more pain meds.

About thirty minutes later an orderly had somehow managed to move the make shift bed into the room and set it up for Alex without disturbing Olivia. That had to be some really good pain medication they had her on since she never woke up. Situating herself in the chair so she could keep an eye on Olivia, Alex laid there until she drifted off to sleep.

"NOOOO" Olivia screamed as she bolted upright from where she was.

Alex jumped to her feet and ran to Olivia.

"What is it, Olivia? What's wrong?"

"The children? Are they?"

"No honey they are fine" Alex said as she realized Olivia didn't remember anything from earlier "They were debriefed at the station by a crisis counselor and then released to their mother."

"And their father?"

"He came out of the house shooting. They had no choice but to use deadly force. Now please lay back and try to rest."

"Love you." Olivia mumbled as she laid back and started to drift back to sleep.

"I love you too" Alex whispered as she stretched back out and drifted back to sleep.

Olivia woke the next morning and watched Alex sleep. She looked like an angel with her blonde hair spread all around her. Her mouth was slightly open with a small snore coming from it. Olivia heart clenched at the sight of a tear streak faced. What hurt the most was knowing she was the one to put the tears there.

Last night was suppose to be a simple hostage negotiation. Instead it turned into an armed standoff and them bargaining to get the children free. The two children were almost to the safety of the SWAT bus when she noticed something glinting from the window. That was when she realized it was a gun and he was aiming at the children. As soon as she heard the first shot ring out she dove toward the children praying she made it in time. She remembered knocking them to the ground and feeling something tear through her. After that everything turned black.

Olivia's head flew in the direction of the door when she heard it opening. She quickly looked around for a weapon and found nothing. She relaxed when she realized it was the doctor and motioned for him to be quiet.

"Keep it down please" She whispered "She's had a rough day and need's her sleep."

"I'm awake honey." Alex yawned out as she stretched and went to stand by her love's side.

"Good morning, Alexandra." The doctor said as he took the chart and began reading it "I'm going to be checking her wound here in a few you may want to step out. It may not be a pretty sight."

"That's ok Mark. I'm going to stay right here."

"Suit yourself." Mark said as he gloved up and walk toward Olivia.

Alex seeing the look of confusion on Olivia's face decided it would be best to fill her in.

"Mark is the leading Trauma Surgeon in the Northeast. I hired him to look after you."

The look in Alex's eyes told Olivia not to argue with her and she just nodded.

After some extensive poking and extreme pain causing examination Mark stepped back and took his gloves off. Olivia raised her eyebrows at him when she saw him donning a new pair.

"I need to replace your bandage Olivia." Mark answered the unanswered question.

With a quickness and gentleness that surprised Olivia after the previous examination Mark was finished and removing his gloves.

"Well whoever did the surgery did a great job. There will be minimal scarring. It should look as if you had you appendix taken out. The only thing we need to watch for is a fever or hotness around the area. That's a sign of infection. As long as we don't see any of that I see no reason why you can't be released on Monday."

"Monday?" Olivia almost shouted as she realized what he said "That's not going to work doctor. I need to be out of here by nine am tomorrow."

"Officer I hate to break it to you but you are going to be out of work for at least four weeks possibly more."

"It's not work, sir. We're set to take our vows tomorrow at eleven. I have to be out by nine."

"Allow me to give you my congratulations and deepest apologies. There is no way you are making your ceremony tomorrow. I'm sorry ladies but you have to reschedule." Mark looked toward Alex "She needs as much rest and fluids as possible. You have my private number if you need anything."

"Thank you, Mark." Alex said before turning her attention to Olivia "That means that you are to lay back and relax. Don't worry about nothing ok."

"The wedding?"

"Can wait. We will just reschedule it to when you are feeling better."

"Jesus Alex it's our wedding not a damn doctor appointment. You can't just up and reschedule it."

"I can and I will. Besides after last night we need to sit down and talk. We need to talk about your career and what happened last night."


	26. The Talk

**A/N: I know it has been a while since I updated and I am so sorry. Between the ungodly hours I have been putting in and the brick wall I hit on writing this chapter it has been a challenge. Thanks to Ladybug's momma for helping me past the wall. It looks as if my hours will now return to normal so hopefully I can start updating like I use to. For those that are still with me thank you so much for hanging in there. **

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><p>Olivia looked at Alex as dread filled her. She knew Alex loved her, there was no doubt about that. The only question was, was her love enough to outstand the harsh demands of her job. In the years she had been on the force she had seen so many strong marriages fall apart. Some with rookies who hadn't been on the job six months others officers who's been married for twenty years. The long hours, little pay, and nonstop danger finally too much for the wives to handle.<p>

"Alex" Olivia started to say but was stopped when Alex gently placed a finger on her lips.

"I need you to listen Olivia. I mean really listen and hear what I have to say."

Olivia nodded unsure if she could voice an answer.

"When we met you were training hard to become a cop. You achieved that and I for one have been so happy and proud of you for that. I stepped into the role of an officers girlfriend without one complaint. A job that I have handled quite well. Every day I have paced the floor relentlessly and nearly jumped out of my skin whenever the phone rang when you are out on patrol. I'm ok with that, not fine, but ok with it. With that said starting today there are going to be some changes. Changes that are going to take place whether you like it or not."

"Alex stop right there. You knew since the day you met me I was going to be a cop. Damn it you helped me pass the academy. So don't stand there now and say I have to choose the job or you. You have a lot of nerve to do that."

"I'm not asking you to leave the force, Olivia. I know the job is everything to you and I would never ask you to do that."

"What are you asking me Alex? Or shall I say what are you telling me. You've finally had enough and your out. Is that it? Because Alex the only way you will ever stop pacing the floor or jumping out of your skin when the phone rings is when I retire or leave the force."

" I know so I have at least another twenty years of pacing to go. We will be replacing a lot of flooring I can promise you that."

"Alex I'm confused. Your not asking me to choose the job or you and you're willing to keep pacing the floor. So what is it that you want?"

"I want you to leave SWAT."

"What?"

"Leave SWAT. I know you joined SWAT for the money. Honey we don't need the money. I turned twenty-five last month so we, and I do mean we, received my inheritance. There is no need for SWAT or side jobs. Truthfully there never was. You just always thought we did."

"Not we Alex, me. I hold my own. I always have and always will. I didn't come in this relationship looking for hand outs and sure the hell wont start now. So when I need money I will do what I need."

"Olivia there is a we in this relationship."

"I know but I am not a kept woman."

"That's fine. I'm not asking you to be a trophy wife. Not yet anyways. I think I'll wait a few years for that."

"I'm not a trophy wife either."

"You will be. Now stop changing the subject. When you go in for your debriefing and what ever else you have to do I want you to put in your resignation from SWAT. Then I want you to consider taking a transfer to a less dangerous position. I'm thinking computer crimes would be perfect. You would never be on the street and be safe behind a desk."

"good job counselor on how you snuck that in. Now I see how you win most of your cases."

"Can't blame a woman for trying."

"No I can't which is why I had a surprise for you on our wedding day. It was going to be my wedding present to you. I knew how bad it bothered you that I was on the street, although I had no clue about SWAT. So I talked to your uncle about taking the detectives exam."

"You did?"

"Yeah I was past the sign up date so I called him for a favor. Something I didn't think I would ever do. Anyways he was able to squeeze me in and let me take it. Captain Jones and some of the guys from SWAT helped me study for it."

"The extra training exercise you had been doing?"

"Yeah that's them. We were meeting in the briefing room at our training area and going over the study guide."

"Why didn't you just tell me?"

"I wanted to surprise you. I could see the toll that the stress was taking on you with me working the streets. Plus I didn't want you to think of me as a failure if I didn't pass it."

"Honey I could never think of you like that."

"I know I just want to be the best for you."

"And you are. So about the test. Did you take it?"

"I did."

"And?"

"I passed made an 88 on it. Could of made better but I passed. I put in my request for a transfer the day I received the results."

"When was that?"

"About a month and a half ago."

"I'm really starting to feel like I'm questioning a suspect on the stand Olivia Benson. Now please tell me what I want to know without having to go through the third degree."

"OK Blondie. I received my papers granting my transfer to the Special Victims Unit at the 1-6. I am to report there at the first of next month."

"Olivia" Alex choked out as tears started to fall from her eyes.

"Wait you haven't heard the best part. Last night was my last call out with SWAT. I had already put in my letter to them. A week from today we were all meeting for a going away get together for me. It was a fluke that I was shot on my last roll out."

Alex flung herself into Olivia's arms burying her head into the nook of her neck and allowed the tears to fall freely.

Ignoring the pain that was coursing through her body Olivia wrapped her arms around Alex. She began rubbing small soothing circles all over he back.

"Would you ladies like us to come back?" Robert asked as he saw the scene unfolding before him.

"No dad come in." Alex choked out as she stood and began to wipe the tears from her face.

"We wanted to stop by and see if you need anything. Maybe let us sit with Olivia while you run home and freshen up and maybe grab a bite to eat."

"Thanks dad but I need to stay here with Olivia."

"You also need to take care of your self" Crystal said as she grabbed Alex's coat and began to help her in it "If we haven't killed Olivia by now I promise we won't kill her now."

"Go take a shower and change clothes" Olivia said when Alex looked at her "I'll be fine I promise."

"I'll be back soon."

Olivia waited until she knew Alex was gone before turning to Alex's parents.

"I was wondering if you two could help me with something?"


	27. Surprises

"Olivia are you ready?" Robert asked as he entered the room.

"Almost" Olivia answered back "It's hard to get a shirt on when you have IV's coming from your arm."

"You want me to get you a nurse?"

"No I'm just frustrated that all."

"It's going to be fine. Come on I have your wheel chair here and we only have a few minutes before everything will go to hell in a hand basket."

"Let's get going." Olivia said as she sat in the wheel chair.

"Mom how much longer are you going to be?" Alex asked impatiently.

"Just a few minutes. Why are you in such a hurry?"

"I need to get back to Olivia. What if something happens while I'm gone."

"Alex you have to relax." Crystal said as she turned to face her daughter "I know its scary when the one you love is shot and you have to spend the next twenty four hours wondering. Those long hours waiting for a doctor to come out and let you know the outcome is the worse. Once they make it out of the woods you have to relax and give them some space."

Alex looked at her mother with a questioning look.

"The United States Army paid for your father's law degree. He was injured in Vietnam. The five days I waited for him to come state side was the worse. Once he was here I never wanted to leave his side. He finally had to tell me to leave."

"I never knew" Alex said as she opened the door and stepped out of the car once her mother had parked.

"It's not something we talk about often. The main thing you have to remember is that not only are you dealing with her being shot but she is to. She has to find her own way to handle what has happened to her. Sometimes the best way to do that is for her to spend some time alone."

"Follow me" Crystal said as she led Alex through the hospital corridors.

Alex fell in step behind her mother thinking about what she had just discovered. She had never considered the toll that being shot was taking on Olivia. Olivia had always acted as if she was ok since that night. She never acted as if she was traumatized or had any lasting effect.

"Why are we going in here?" Alex asked when she realized where her mother stopped.

"Because for me when I was in your situation prayer was the best thing for me. I know that you and Olivia are not that active in church but sometimes you need to unload your thoughts on someone who isn't going to give their input. That is where prayer comes in. You can tell him everything your afraid to voice. So are you willing to give it a shot?"

"I'll try anything."

"Good" Crystal said as she opened the door and waited for her to enter.

Alex stopped in her tracks when she saw what was before her. Olivia stood at the end of the aisle along with the priest they had hired for their wedding. There were a few of their closest friend and family seated in the pews.

"You ready sweetheart" Robert asked as he walked up and took his place by Alex.

"Since the day I met her." Alex choked out as tears poured from her eyes and took her father's arm.

Robert nodded and soft music began to play as he escorted Alex down the short aisle to Olivia.

"Who gives this woman?" The priest asked when Robert and Alex stopped.

"Her mother and I do." Robert answered as he handed Alex's hand to Olivia.

Olivia smiled as she took Alex's hand.

"How? Why?" Alex asked as she stepped up and faced Olivia.

"How is the help of your parent's. Why is because I didn't want to spend one more day not being married to you. It may not be the wedding you planned but it's all I can give you right now."

"It's better than I planned."

"Ladies shall we continue."

Both ladies nodded not taking their eyes of each other.

"Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today to witness and bless the exchange of vows that will bind Olivia and Alex together in the covenant relationship of marriage. Your marriage will be the union of two lives-two hearts that beat as one-so welded together that they walk together, work together, bear each other's burdens and share each other's joys. I want to remind you to be friendly, loving and tenderhearted, and forbearing of one another in love. Remember, the vows you are about to take are as binding in adversity as they are in prosperity and that these vows are to be broken only by death."

"Into this holy union Olivia and Alex now come to be joined. If any of you can show just cause why they may not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace."

After a minute the priest continued

"If either of you know any reason as to why you may not be legally wed speak so now."

"There is none." Alex whispered.

"Very well. Alex please take Olivia's hands and repeat after me I, Alex, take you, Olivia, to be my lawfully wedded wife, secure in the knowledge that you will be my constant friend, my faithful partner in life, and my one true love. "On this special day, I give to you in the presence of God and all those in attendance my sacred promise to stay by your side as your faithful wife in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, as well as through the good times and the bad."

"I, Alex, take you, Olivia, to be my lawfully wedded wife, secure in the knowledge that you will be my constant friend, my faithful partner in life, and my one true love. On this special day, I give to you in the presence of God and all those in attendance my sacred promise to stay by your side as your faithful wife in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, as well as through the good times and the bad."

"I promise to love you without reservation, comfort you in times of distress, encourage you to achieve all of your goals, laugh with you and cry with you, grow with you in mind and spirit, always be open and honest with you, and cherish you for as long as we both shall live."

"I promise to love you without reservation, comfort you in times of distress, encourage you to achieve all of your goals, laugh with you and cry with you, grow with you in mind and spirit, always be open and honest with you, and cherish you for as long as we both shall live."

"Olivia if you would please repeat after me. I, Olivia, take you, Alex, to be my lawfully wedded wife, knowing in my heart that you will be my constant friend, my faithful partner in life, and my one true love. On this special and holy day, I give to you in the presence of God and all those in attendance my sacred promise to stay by your side as your faithful wife in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, as well as through the good times and the bad."

"I, Olivia, take you, Alex, to be my lawfully wedded wife, knowing in my heart that you will be my constant friend, my faithful partner in life, and my one true love. On this special and holy day, I give to you in the presence of God and all those in attendance my sacred promise to stay by your side as your faithful wife in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, as well as through the good times and the bad."

"I promise to love you without reservation, honor and respect you, provide for your needs as best I can, protect you from harm, comfort you in times of distress, grow with you in mind and spirit, always be open and honest with you, and cherish you for as long as we both shall live."

"I promise to love you without reservation, honor and respect you, provide for your needs as best I can, protect you from harm, comfort you in times of distress, grow with you in mind and spirit, always be open and honest with you, and cherish you for as long as we both shall live."

"May I have the rings please?"

Crystal stepped forward and handed the priest the rings.

The priest held the ring up so that everyone could see

"The wedding ring signifies the uniting of these two women in holy matrimony. There is no ending and no beginning the same as their love for one another."

"Please take this ring" The priest said as he handed the ring to Olivia "and repeat after me. Alex, I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you."

"Alex, I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you." Olivia said her voice full of emotions as she slid the ring onto Alex's finger.

"Now Alex take this ring and repeat after me." The priest said as he handed the ring to Alex. "Olivia, I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you."

"Olivia, I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you." Alex whispered as unsteady hands slid the ring onto Olivia's hand.

"Now that Olivia and Alex have given themselves to each other by solemn vows, with the joining of hands and the giving and receiving of a ring in the presence of this company, by the authority of the state of New York I now pronounce you wife and wife. Those whom god has joined together, let no man put asunder."

"Olivia you may kiss your bride" the priest said with a smile on his face as he faced Olivia.

Olivia stepped close to Alex and gently kissed her. In no time her need and desire for Alex coursed through her as she deepened the kiss. It wasn't until she heard the eruption of applause that she finally broke the kiss.

" Ladies and gentlemen, I am very pleased to present Mrs. and Mrs. Olivia Benson."


	28. The 16

**A/N: I know my updates have been sporadic and I am so sorry about that but I never know when I can sit and write in my job. Anyways our favorite detective has now arrived at the 1-6. I hope everyone enjoys the chapter and as always reviews are welcomed.**

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><p>Olivia stood outside the door leading to the squad room of Special Victims Unit at the 1-6. For the first time in her career she was nervous. She had several concerns running through her. How would she handle working with victims of the same crime as her mother? Would she be able to differentiate between them? Most importantly would she allow the justice she craved for her mother over run her judgment?<p>

"Ma'am do you need some help?" A voice asked bringing her out of her thoughts.

Olivia turned around and was met with a tall, somewhat lanky older man. His hair was graying and there was a calm demeanor about him. She knew without a doubt that victims would probably feel relaxed in talking to him.

"No sir."

"You know you can come in a tell us. We'll protect you and the rape shield law will keep your name and photo out of the papers."

"I'm sorry I wasn't raped." Olivia said realizing what he thought "I'm here to meet with a Captain Cragen. I'm Detective Olivia Benson and this is my first day here."

"It's nice to meet you I'm Detective Munch" The man said extending his hand "Come on I'll show you the way to Cragen's office.

"Thank you."

Olivia followed Munch in and took in the sight before her. To her right was an area to hang their coats and a set of lockers. Along with two desk that was set to face each other. At one of the desks sat a detective that looked as if he was in his thirties with a military style haircut. To her left was four desks that was arranged the same as the other two she saw. There was a man who looked like he wasn't more than twenty-five at best and an

African american woman who seemed fed up with what ever the man was saying.

"Capt." Munch said as he knocked on the open door.

"Now's not a good time Munch can it wait."

"I can but she can't" Munch said as he pointed at Olivia "She's a new detective assigned here."

Cragen looked up from the file he was going over and stood.

"You must be Olivia Benson."

"I am"

"Please come in and shut the door behind you."

Olivia thanked Munch before stepping into the office and shutting the door as instructed.

"I'm Captain Cragen." Cragen said as he stood and extended his hand "I was going over your jacket. Please have a seat."

Olivia did as she was instructed.

"I see you've been with the force for eight years. You excelled in firearms and defense tactics. You never scored less than a ninety on any test."

"That's correct."

"You were with SWAT for close to six years and are recently recovering from a gunshot wound where you were shot during a hostage situation. You received it saving two children."

"Yes sir."

"I hope you enjoyed being the hero because in here you will be the hero and the demon. You will step in and save them when they need you the most but then will have them relive the worse day of their life. You will hear the exactly how bad one human can be to another. Almost to the point that it will shock you and when you think you've seen it all you will be amazed all over again."

"Yes sir."

"The children will be the hardest. You will sit and wonder how can someone who is suppose to love and protect them can harm them so badly."

"Ok"

"The average tour in SVU is two years. Some leave sooner and some last longer. If at anytime you need a transfer come see me. Its hard to do what we do and trust me I will think no less if you choose to leave."

"Yes sir."

"Good now let me introduce you to the team." Cragen said as he stood and walked toward the door.

"Everyone" Cragen said as he walked into the squad room. "I would like to introduce you to Detective Olivia Benson. This is Detective Monique Jefferies, Detective Brian Cassidy, Detective Elliot Stabler and you've already met Munch."

Olivia stepped forward and shook each detective's hand as she was introduced to them.

"Elliot will be your partner."

"Look Captain I don't need a new partner I'm good." Stabler said with a voice of authority.

"I don't recall giving you an option." Cragen said as he turned and walked back toward his office.

"Nothing against you but it takes too long to train a new person and I have too many pending cases." Stabler said as he looked Olivia up and down. "You're going to have to team up with one of the other detectives."

"Look I'm not here to step on any toes. I'm here to do a job the same as you. Now whether you like it or not we are partnered together."

"Give me a minute that will change." Stabler said as he turned and headed toward the captains office.

"Look Capt. I have a partner and I don't have time to babysit. Can't you team her up with another detective."

"Elliot, McCall has transferred out and will not be returning. Now she's your partner. If you don't like it drop your shield and weapon on my desk consider yourself on suspension for insubordination. When you return I want your transfers paper on my desk. This is a team Elliot. You need to become part of it and stop being a renegade officer."

Elliot turned and stormed out of the office fighting the urge not to slam the door.

"Looks like I'm stuck with you so come on let's go to the café and I'll catch you up on my cases."

Olivia nodded and followed Stabler out of the precinct wondering what she did wrong so soon to make him hate her.

"You married?" Stabler asked as they stepped on the elevator

"I am for two weeks now."

"Kids?"

"None yet."

"Let me give you a quick over view of our life. I spend more time here than at home. I wish I could count on one hand how many times I've worked atleast thirty six hours straight but that's not possible. I've missed more milestones in my children's life than I will ever admit and there's not a day go by that my wife doesn't say I love the job more than her. My last partner's husband couldn't take it so she left. Less than a year. So I ask you how long till your husband get pissed and say choose me or the job."

"My guess would be never since I don't have a husband."

"You just said you're married."

"Right. I'm going to be as up front and honest with you as you have been with me. I am married but to a woman. I am gay. My wife is an ADA. She often puts in more hours than I do. She understands the importance and significances this position carries to me. Now I have a question for you? Do you have a problem with me being gay."

"Not at all. As long as we understand I am a devout Catholic and that goes against what I believe but I'm not the type to lecture or preach to you. One thing for sure this time my wife can't accuse us of sleeping together. I'm far from your type."

"Amen to that."

Elliot couldn't help but laugh at Olivia's response. As much as he hated to admit it they seemed to fit so well together all ready. She fell in perfect step with him and held her own when he started in on her. If she was half as dedicated as she appeared they were going to make a great team.


	29. Alex's Arrival

**A/N: My apoligies for the delay in posting. Not only did I have the other two stories I've recently posted running in my head but I had to watch some of season one and two as a refresher for this chapter. Not that that's ever a bad thing. I want to again thank anybody who is still with the story for sticking with me. Without further delay here is the chapter. As always reviews are welcomed.**

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><p>"Benson" Olivia whispered as she answered the phone on the first ring. Something she had mastered over the past year in SVU. When she first started Alex was always having to wake her up to answer the phone. Now days she's jumping to answer it by no later then the second ring.<p>

"Sorry to wake you but we just caught a case." Elliot's voice boomed in her ear. "I'm about fifteen from you."

"I need ten" Olivia mumbled as she rolled out of bed and reached for her clothing. Something else she had learned, more like Elliot taught her, to have a full outfit sitting to the side ready to slide on at a moments notice. She had also taught herself to dress in the dark so she wouldn't wake Alex. Not that ever work.

"Case?" A sleepy Alex mumbled as she rolled over to face Olivia. Even though it was dark she could still make out her figure and movements.

"Sorry blondie" Olivia said as she shrugged her shirt on "Go back to sleep I'll call you as soon as possible."

"Love you." Alex muttered before drifting off again.

"Ms. Cabot, DA McCoy wants to see you in his office ASAP." A secretary told Alex as she swiped her badge to enter her portion of the building. Alex quickly placed all her things on her assigned desk and hurried up the flight of stairs to McCoy's office. Not an easy task in a pair of heels.

Stopping at the top of the stairs to catch her breath and calm her nerves before entering McCoy's floor.

"Ms. Cabot to see McCoy" Alex stated as she approached his legal secretary that she vaguely remember being Michelle.

"Go right in he's expecting you."

Alex rapped on the door before entering.

"You wanted to see me, sir."

"I did Alex please come in and have a seat." Jack McCoy said motioning to a chair. "Coffee?"

"No thank you."

"You seem to be an up and rising ADA in the office. You have one of the highest closure rate of anyone here. A few more and you're going to super seed me."

"I'm not trying to out do you sir." Alex said suddenly nervous of where this meeting was going.

"Why not? I know I would."

"Yes sir"

"Relax Alex you're not in trouble" McCoy said with a smile "I called you in here because I have a position to offer you."

"Really?"

"Yes as the ADA assigned to the Special Victims Unit. Now you will hear the worst possible case. Some will be almost two hard to stomach. Now I will understand if you refuse the position. Trust me it takes a special person to handle this job. We cycle through ADA's and officers like most people do underwear."

"I will be happy to accept. Who will I be working with?"

"The Special Victims Unit over at the 1-6. According to the Morris Commission there are some rogue detectives and they are hoping that assigning a permanent ADA will somewhat reign them in."

"Thank you sir but I cant work for the 1-6" Alex said almost heartbroken.

"Why not Ms. Cabot?"

"Because my wife is Detective Olivia Benson of the SVU squad at the 1-6."

"I'm sorry I forget that you are married since you still use your maiden name."

"Only for career purpose."

"Well do you think you two could work together with prejudice or too much strain on the marriage?"

"Sir believe me we have survived worse than us working together."

"Good I would still like to have you at the 1-6. If you feel you can't handle it just let me know I will transfer you to homicide. There will be an opening there soon when Carmichael goes to the feds."

"Yes sir." Alex said as she stood to leave.

"Mrs. Benson you meet with the captain, a Captain Cragen, in an hour."

"Yes sir." As Alex left the office she began trying to call Olivia. She wanted to give her a heads up that she was coming. Unfortunately it went straight to voice mail. Which meant either she was with the victim or the perp. Of all the times she had her phone off, Alex really needed to get Elliot's number.

"Captain Cragen" Alex said as she knocked on the door to his office.

Cragen looked up and motioned for the woman who was standing at the door to come in. She looked young and he wondered if she could handle hearing what they heard on a daily basis. He figured she would last one case maybe two at most.

"You must be Alex Cabot" Cragen said extending his hand "I'm Captain Cragen."

"it's a pleasure to finally meet you."

"Finally meet me? I'm sorry do we know each other?"

"Not directly. My wife is Detective Olivia Benson. Before you ask McCoy does know."

"Does Liv know you're here?"

"No sir I haven't been able to reach her by phone. But I go by my maiden name at work."

"Well" Cragen said as he looked through the glass on his door and watched his two best detectives enter "She is about to know."

Cragen walked out of his office and stood in his doorway. The sound of the door opening and no sound from Cragen made everyone quiet down and face him. With a grim look on his face he stepped out to address his officers.

"As you know the Morris Commission is breathing down our necks. They seem to think SVU at 1-6 is filled with rogue cops. In an attempt to curve that they are assigning us a specific ADA. From here on out you will go to her and only her."

"Yes sir" Everyone said in unison.

"Good, allow me to introduce ADA Alex Cabot."

Olivia almost dropped the cup of coffee she was holding when she heard her wife's name. Elliot looked at her and cocked one eyebrow. She shook her head slightly answering his unspoken question.

"ADA Cabot this is Detective John Munch, Detective Odafin Tutola, Detective Monique Jefferies, Detective Elliot Stabler and" Cragen looked from Alex to Olivia wondering how to play it. The look in Olivia's eyes told him "You know Detective Benson. Everyone this is ADA Alex Cabot."

Everyone stepped forward taking turns shaking her hand and making personal introductions. After Alex was briefed on the case they were currently working on she headed to get her desk moved into her new office. After she left Fin and Munch turned to face Olivia.

"You mind telling us how you know her?" Munch asked "Do you have a secret trust fund your not sharing. You do understand who that is right?"

"I do Munch"

"I'm not sure you do. That was Alexandra Cabot. She comes from a family who has more money than god. Rumor on the mill was that it would cost you ten thousand just to see if her father would take your case. Not to mention she has more relatives in the senate, congress, and judicial branches then the Kennedy's ever dreamed of. The icing on the cake is that her uncle is the commissioner of the department. So you make little Alex mad you will be stationed in the worse house ever."

"Munch I have no clue where you get the stuff to fuel your conspiracy theories, But allow me straighten a few facts out. It would only cost you three thousand to consult with her father. Yes she does have a few relatives in all those branches and that's not counting the ones in private practice. As for the commissioner yeah he's her uncle but she's a big girl and can handle herself."

"If your done the victim is out of surgery and awake." Cragen said trying to stop what would be a non stop conspiracy rant from Munch.

"How do you know so much about the Cabot's?" Munch asked as Stabler and Benson grabbed their coats and headed for the door.

"It's simple Munch." Olivia said with a smile that radiated off her "Alexandra Cabot-Benson is my wife."


	30. The Job

"You do know what you just did right?" Stabler asked as he slid into the driver side.

"Set him straight about my wife."

"And I can only imagine the conspiracy theories he is going through right now."

"At least we will be entertained."

"Oh yeah we will."

It was almost six hours later before they returned to the station. After interviewing the victim they went in search of the two men that she had said were harassing her. A tenant in her apartment building and a man that she works with. After interviewing the man she worked with he was knocked off the list with an air tight alibi. He was sitting in the tombs after being arrested for DWI. The one in the apartment building stated he was home alone all night but refused a DNA sample.

"Where are we?" Cragen asked when he saw them enter.

"Stuck" Olivia said as she tossed her jacket on the desk frustrated "One suspect is clear and the other refuses to give his DNA."

"What's his history look like?"

"A few domestics and some DWI's that's it" Fin said as he stood looking at the man's file.

"Munch, Fin get over to Cabot's office and see if we can get an order for DNA."

"Why us Captain?" Munch asked as he stood "Why not send the one that will receive the warrant for sure."

Olivia turned and glared at Munch

"So tell me did the commissioner send you here to spy on us deviants or did you just like hanging with the common man."

"Munch enough" Elliot said stepping forward.

"She was sent by the big man himself."

"No Munch I wasn't. I have never used my wife's name or contacts to go anywhere in this department. Every transfer or promotion I earned."

"Like they will say no to the niece in law."

"Most people don't even know I'm related by marriage to the commissioner. Alex took my last name when we married. I never took hers. The only reason she maintains her maiden name at the job is simply because it's a Cabot name. Make no mistake though they know that she is married and took my name."

"Didn't want to lose the prestige that comes with the name?"

"Actually if you feel like it research everything in the data base. Her name was legally changed to Cabot-Benson when we were married. She opted to drop her name and take mine fully. I wouldn't let her."

"Why not? Afraid you'd lose some of the perks that comes with being married to a princess?"

"No because every woman in her family who married always hyphenated their name. I see no need to break with the tradition. You're right she is a princess, MY PRINCESS."

Munch backed down when Olivia raised her voice that last time. He knew by the look in her eyes that he had crossed the line. He could also tell that she would go to any length to protect Alex.

"Come on man" Fin said pushing Munch to the door "Let's go and get the warrant like Captain said and keep your mouth shut."

"Miss. Cabot" Fin said as he opened the door to Alex's office. "Or would you prefer Mrs. Benson."

Alex looked up from the file she was looking over and smiled at the detective.

"I see Liv explained that we are married to you two. At work everyone calls me Cabot truthfully I prefer Benson. Nothing makes me happier than having her last name.""

"I was wondering" Munch started to say but stopped when Fin smacked him on the back of the head.

"You better shut it because you know Olivia will beat your ass when we come back."

Alex couldn't help but laugh at the two detectives before her.

"Did he start in on a conspiracy theory?" Alex asked as she leaned back in the chair.

"You know?"

"Liv has told me how he's all about conspiracy theory's. I'm sorry we haven't met before."

"That's ok counselor we do tend to run very busy lives. I bet you don't see a lot of her as it is."

"It goes both ways detective. Now how can I help you?"

"Captain sent us down here to see if we can attain a warrant for DNA?" Munch said finally finding his voice again.

"On what grounds?"

"Ryan Lynch had been harassing the victim. When asked for his DNA he refused. The other man that had been harassing her was in jail all night."

"Is it documented that he had been harassing the victim?"

"There is a 61 on two accounts. But that's it. One of them was a peeping charge."

"That's a far leap from peeping to rape." Alex said "Bring me something concrete and Ill get you the warrant."

"What do you want for the warrant? Its not that far of a leap from peeping tom."

"In a court of law it is."

"I told Captain to send Liv" Munch said as he turned to leave.

"Detective I don't care if I'm married to her or not if she doesn't have enough probable cause for the warrant she's not getting it either."

"Ignore him he sure that the two of you was sent to spy on the deviant detectives at the 16." Fin said smiling as he turned to leave.

"From the look on your face I can tell its not good." Elliot said looking up from the file in his hands. .

"Like I told the captain we should have sent Olivia so we could get it." Munch said as he hung his coat up.

"Just because I'm married to her doesn't mean she's going to give me a warrant either." Olivia said standing to her feet and closing the gap between her and Munch. "Now lay off my wife."

"Why do you slum it with us? You could be a pampered wife?" Munch asked not knowing when to let go.

"Let me set you straight one last time." Olivia growled through clenched teeth "Alex is not the stuck up snob you automatically assume she is. If you would give her a chance you will see how down to earth she is. Now I promise you this one more negative word about her because she comes from money and you will be eating from a straw. Do I make myself clear?"

Fin quickly made his way to Munch and pulled him away while Elliot did the same with Olivia.

"That's enough" Cragen ordered from his door "Munch sit down and Olivia no more threatening the other squad members. Now where are we?"

"No where's" Munch said as he did what he was told "Alex said we didn't have enough for the warrant."

"Fine in the morning you two go back to the hospital and see if she's willing to do a line up. Maybe once we get a positive ID we can get the warrant." Cragen ordered Elliot and Olivia "Now everyone go home we have had a long day. We'll start fresh in the morning."

"Want a lift home or to the ADA's office?" Elliot asked as they grabbed their coats."

"Home she texted me earlier and said she would be working late."

"Buy you dinner before I drop you off?"

"Thanks" Olivia said as she nodded.


	31. Discussions

**A/N: I want to thank everyone who has reviewed my last two chapters. It astounded me on the amount of reviews and how well received the chapters was. To be truthful I'm amazed at the amount of people who read, review, favorite, and alert any of my stories. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. Without delaying any further here is the next chapter. As always reviews are welcomed.**

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><p>Olivia was stretched out on the couch reading a book when the front door opened. She laid the book on her chest and smiled at the love of her life.<p>

"How was your day Blondie?" Olivia asked as she raised an eyebrow.

"Better question is how bad did the guys ride you for being married to me?"

"First of all guys don't ride me I prefer to be ridden by beautiful blonde women, one in particular, and second of all I'm asking about your day."

Alex blushed at the insinuation of Olivia's comment.

"It was ok. I'm sorry I just showed up. I had no type of warning or anything. When I arrived at work I was told to see McCoy and was sent straight from McCoy's office to your precinct. I'm sorry."

"Come here" Olivia whispered as she pulled Alex against her "There's nothing to be sorry about. I'm thrilled to be working with you. Now how was your first day as SVU'S ADA?"

"Let's see I now know why you would never tell me about your work day and why you always look so haunted when you first came home. Oh and I apparently am hated by and managed to piss off Munch in one day. Fin on the other hand doesn't seem to have an opinion either way. Cragen seemed to be at a lost for words when I introduced myself and well we all know what Elliot thinks."

"I wish I could keep my world from you baby but now that your our ADA there's no chance. At times it will be rough I wont lie. The children is the hardest. As for my co workers, I'm not married to them and personally don't care what they think. Now on the up side of that Munch will come around in a day or two, once his conspiracy theories are thrown to the wayside. Fin apparently agrees with me on you being a hot little number and had I not mentioned you were my wife I have a feeling he would have been hitting on you. Cragen tends to forget I'm married considering the time I spend at the precinct at times, while Elliot is always trying to get home. For Elliot he is just Elliot."

"So true on that. By the way are we still suppose to go over to the Stabler's on Saturday?"

"As far as I know I'll ask him tomorrow?"

"Ok. Now I have a few questions for you." Alex said as she rolled over and faced Olivia "Why is it you always work the crazy hours and Elliot doesn't if he can help it? What makes you think Fin would have hit on me? Are you sure Munch will come around? Lastly what would you say if I plan to talk to McCoy in the morning about going back to my old position once I finish this case?"

"Most times your not home till late so I stay at the precinct unless I know you're getting off early. I try to follow up and give the victims the closure they need. As for Fin he basically had you naked in the bull pen when Captain introduced you. That and the comment about If I had something that hot at home why do I spend all my time here. You don't know Munch like I do. He can come off as an ass from hell but he means well. If you want your old job back I support you one hundred percent but that's your decision not mine. I have to ask why?"

"I don't want to cause any trouble between you and the guys and after my visit from Munch and Fin I thought I was. Before you go off half cocked neither said anything. Fin smacked Munch on the back of the head to stop him from saying what ever he was going to say."

"Good for Fin. I owe him lunch. I would like to work with you at SVU but only if you want to."

"Do you think we can make it work?"

Olivia looked at Alex with a puzzled look on her face.

"With our professional and personal lives inter mixing?"

"I see no problem with it. It's an added bonus for me. Now when I need a warrant I can come flirt with you and not feel guilty about flirting."

"Exactly how many ADA's have you been flirting with." Alex asked as she playfully smacked Olivia's chest "Think before answering."

"Just one. She's this hot little blonde number that transferred to the 1-6 today. The way that little black suit hugged her hips and ass was astounding. It was absolutely amazing I was able to concentrate on work after meeting her."

"Why detective Benson you really know how to flatter a woman." Alex whispered as she gently kissed Olivia on the lips.

Olivia quickly pulled Alex tighter against her and deepened the kiss. She had wanted nothing more than to take her in her arms when she came walking out of Cragen's office. She was pretty close to it to until her brain registered Cragen's voice. How she managed to stay focused on work today was an absolute miracle.

Alex broke the kiss when her need for air out weighed her need for Olivia. Which translated to her lungs were burning with the need for oxygen because her need and want for Olivia never diminished. If anything it seemed to grow daily, which seemed to amaze her on a regular basis. She lowered her head onto Olivia's chest and listened to her steady heart beat.

"Alex?" Olivia said as she gently stroked the blondes hair and back.

"Hmm" Alex hummed out too content and happy to form any words.

"Come on let's get you into bed before you completely pass out on me."

With Olivia's help Alex made it to her feet and into their bedroom. She quickly discarded her clothes and donned one of Olivia's NYPD shirts, one of her favorite nightgowns since they've been together. She crawled into the bed and curled her body into Olivia's before quickly drifting off to sleep.


	32. Anger

**A/N: Wow two chapters in one day. I am on a roll. Now if I'm not busy at work tonight you may be able to get a third chapter in the morning. As always reviews welcomed.**

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><p>"Coffee as a peace offering?" Munch half asked half stated as he sat a cup down on Olivia's desk in front of her. "I didn't mean to offend you or Alex."<p>

"Munch all is forgiven. Besides I know how you think and act. I'm surprised you said as little as you did and are apologizing so soon."

"Let's just say I was shown the errors of my ways."

Olivia glanced at Elliot with a questioning look on her face. He quickly raised his hands and shook his head answering her unspoken question. It wasn't him that talked to Munch. She knew the captain would have stayed out of it unless it began impairing their work. He was a firm believer in them resolving their problems without interference from him. Which only left one person, Fin. She looked over at Fin who simply smiled and winked at her. She nodded her thanks back at him.

"Where are we at on the Sheppard case?" Cragen asked as he stepped out of his office.

"We are about to go and talk to miss Sheppard again and see if she can identify her attacker. If so hopefully we can get a warrant from that."

"Good" Cragen said before turning toward Fin and Munch "You two re-canvas the area and see if there is someone who might have magically seen someone again."

After an hour long conversation and a promise that the suspect could not see her if she did a line-up, Sheppard agreed to it. With a quick call to Cragen and Alex they were escorting her to the precinct and Fin and Munch was picking up the suspect.

"Sharon the men will come through that door there." Olivia said pointing at the side door through the one way mirror "They will line up and face in this direction. We can have them step forward as many times as you need. But first allow them to all come in and step forward once. Then we can call them forward as you need them to ok."

"Will you stay in here with me?" Sheppard asked nervously.

"I will be with you every step of the way I promise." Olivia answered as she placed a reassuring touch on the victims arm. "Are you ready?"

Sharon Sheppard glanced around the room and looked at every face in their. Detective Stabler was standing toward the door next to the suspects attorney, a Trevor Langen. The ADA who would be trying her case was in the middle. To Sharon she seemed a little cold and distant or maybe she had been doing the job for to long. The burly bald headed man was introduced to her as Captain Cragen. He would be the one calling them in and ordering them to step forward if needed. Then there was Olivia who was standing next to her. The calmness and confidence that radiated off Olivia seemed to calm her nerves some.

"I'm ready."

Cragen called the men into the room and one by one they stepped forward after their number was called over the intercom.

"Miss Sheppard do you recognize any of these men?" Alex asked in a voice that could send chills down someone's spine as she shot daggers at the victims back with her eyes.

Sheppard studied the men for a second before nodding.

"Miss Sheppard we need to you speak up please." Alex said using the same tone.

Olivia shot Alex a glance trying to tell her to calm it down.

"yes I do."

"Where do you recognize him from?"

"From my apartment building."

"Is that also the man who raped you?"

"I'm not sure I can't tell." Sheppard cried out as she reached for Olivia and buried her head in her shoulder.

"It's ok Sharon" Olivia whispered in a soothing voice as she rubbed circles on her back. "Come on let's take you back up stairs so we can escort the men out."

Sharon allowed herself to be led from the room by Olivia but would not release the death grip she had on her. Once Olivia had her situated in the crib and told her to stay there until the man was gone from the building she headed back down the stairs.

"What the hell was that Alex?" Olivia asked as she descended the stairs. "That woman has been through hell and you treated her like she was nothing."

Fin and Munch looked at each other and then faced the soap opera that was about to unfold in front of them. Maybe having a married couple work together could be good for them after all. With the cases they see from day to day they needed a distraction at times. This may just be it.

"No I did my job."

"Like a cold hearted bitch." Olivia almost screamed as she closed the gap between them.

"I'm sorry I'm not as loving and comforting as you are." Alex shot back.

"What the hell is that suppose to mean?"

"You know damn well what I mean."

"No enlighten me."

"That woman clung to you like there was no one else on this earth but you."

"Because I was there to comfort her and I was the first face she saw short of a clinical doctor after the ordeal. I've been the one helping getting her through this."

"Just how have you been doing that?"

"Why don't you tell me counselor you seem to have all the answers."

"I'm not going through this with you here."

"Fine we will continue it later." Olivia said as she stepped back "Now can you get a warrant for his DNA. She identified the man."

"As someone who lives in her apartment building, not as her rapist."

"SHE IDENTIFIED THE MAN."

"Get me something to work with and I will get your warrant, detectives." Alex said as she headed for the door "Until then nothing."

Olivia spun and threw her pen against the lockers. Everyone jumped at the amount of rage coming from her. They had never seen that before.

"Why don't you take ten and cool off" Elliot said stepping toward her "I'll escort Sheppard back home."

"No I'll go with you."

"Look I can take her home and you can go cool down."

Thanks El." Olivia said as she grabbed her coat and took off for the door.

"Where are you going?"

"To have a nice discussion with my wife!" Olivia shot back before slamming the door behind her.


	33. Understanding

Olivia stormed up the stairs of the building that held the ADA's offices. She quickly darted up the stairs not wanting to waste time on the elevator. When she opened the door to Alex's floor she stopped and took a few calming breaths. It wasn't going to do any good going in half cocked as she had earlier. She smiled at Alex's secretary, Anna, as she passed her.

"Detective she said she wasn't to be disturbed" Anna said jumping from her chair in an attempt to stop her.

"I will tell her that you made every attempt to stop me." Olivia said as she walked around her and opened Alex's office door.

"Anna I told you I'm not to be disturbed." Alex barked without turning around.

"Trust me she made every attempt to stop me" Olivia snapped out as she shut the door and locked it behind her.

"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be escorting Sheppard back home?" Alex said her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Elliot is" Olivia said as she held her hand up stopping Alex from talking "Now what the hell was that in the bull pen?"

"Did you not see how she was all over you in the line-up room?" Alex asked as she fought back tears "I had to stand there and watch."

"I was offering her comfort and that's it." Olivia whispered as she slowly closed the gap between the two of them "Alex these women have had their lives ripped out from them. Every man they see in the street is their rapist. Everyone that get nears them will hurt them the way their rapist did. I offer them comfort and security. I have a natural way with the victims. Maybe because I've had my whole life to practice. "

"Meanwhile I get to stand to the side and watch her. Do you know how that makes me feel?"

"Probably the same way I feel when I watch you in the courtroom. How every male in there has you undressed in seconds. Damn Alex, if I could arrest them for their thoughts I would."

"I have no control over that."

"The same way I have no control over how a victim acts with me."

"Does every victim cling to you like that?" Alex asked her voice cracking with emotion.

"Sometimes yes and sometimes they are like stone because they haven't allowed themselves to process what's happened. Now tell me what's really bothering you? This subject has never come up since that fateful night. There's more to it than what you're letting on."

"How do you deal with it?" Alex asked as tears started to roll down her cheeks.

"I direct them to counseling and victim assistance department."

"I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about hearing everything done to them. How do you remain emotionless?"

"We're trained to show no emotions." Olivia whispered as she pulled Alex into her arms understanding what all the commotion was about "We have to be able to stare down the barrel of a gun seconds before our death and show no fear. Besides the last thing a victim needs is to see the ones investigating their crimes is to break down."

"I read the report today." Alex said pulling back and looking at Olivia "reading the things he did I can only imagine how it is hearing it."

"It's hard, very hard. I see every day how terrible people can be to each other. Each time its worse than the last. Reading is nothing compared to having to hear the victim relive the worse day of her life."

Hearing that Alex buried her head into Olivia's shoulder and let the tears flow. Maybe working for SVU wasn't such a good idea. If she gets this emotional just reading reports how will she ever handle listening to it in the court room? How did Olivia handle it with her background?

"Guess I really showed my ass back there." Alex whispered as she pulled back and wiped the tears from her eyes.

"If you're scared and not able to handle it that's fine but don't ever take it out on a victim. They have too much on their plate already ok."

Alex nodded as she started to kiss Olivia when they were interrupted with a knock on the door. Alex growled as she moved from Olivia and headed for the door. Whoever it was on the other side have better have a damn excuse for disturbing them.

"What." Alex said as she jerked the door open.

"Umm, I was looking for my partner" A very nervous and uneasy looking Elliot said as he rocked on his heels.

It took all Alex had not to double over with laughter watching the hardened detective. He looked almost as if he was a little boy asking a young girl out on a date for the first time.

"She's in here Stabler" Alex said as she stepped to the side and motioned him to come in.

Elliot cautiously stepped into the office and looked around. He was happy to see everything was still in order. He was almost afraid of the disarray he would find when he arrived. The fact he didn't hear screaming when he arrived made him happy.

"El you can relax" Olivia through laughter "We're not going to kill each other. We may blow up and yell at each other but we can sit down and have a conversation about it after a while.'

"Yeah but the accusations" Elliot said as he spun to face Alex "You have to believe that liv would never leave you for anyone. She doesn't even so much as to allow her eyes to wander. I swear to you on my children's lives."

"Relax Elliot" Alex said through fits of laughter "We've been down this road before. There's no doubt in my mind about Olivia's faithfulness. What you saw says otherwise but it wasn't easy watching this woman swoon all over Olivia. Although I do know why and understand now. Let's just say every now and then the jealous crazy side comes out of me."

"I'm married I understand it believe me."

"Can you give us a few more minutes?" Olivia asked.

"Do one better" Elliot said as he headed for the door "I'll cover for you until after lunch."

"Thanks partner I owe" Olivia called out as Elliot shut the door behind him.

"I was wondering if I could take my beautiful wife to lunch." Olivia asked as she pulled Alex to her amazed as always at how well their bodies fit together.

"I would love that." Alex whispered as she leaned in to kiss Olivia.


	34. Catching the Suspect

The rest of the week went pretty much the same way as that fateful day of the argument. Just when they thought they had enough for a warrant Alex would deny it for one reason or another. That in turn would leave to another shouting match between the two of them, not that Fin or Munch minded. It wasn't until the argument continued into their personal lives that they realized they needed to set some boundaries. Each of them knew that even the strongest relationship could buckle under the pressure they were under.

AS soon as they had entered the house they began to tear into each other. Olivia pissed because Alex wouldn't get them the needed warrant and Alex pissed because Olivia didn't seem to understand. After about ten minutes of shouting at each other Olivia stormed toward the door.

"Where the hell are you going?" Alex screamed.

"Out" Olivia said as she jerked the door open "Please don't follow I need time to cool down."

With that said Olivia walked out the door and slammed it behind her.

Alex jumped at the sound of the door slamming. She slumped down on to the couch and let the tears fall freely. She was scared. Not for herself but for Olivia. Everyday was a constant reminder of her child hood. It was only a matter of time before it began to eat at her.

About an hour later Olivia slowly ascended the stairs to their apartment. Her mind still reeling from the fight her and Alex was involved in before she stormed out. She only hoped and prayed they were both cool down enough to talk, not shout, at each other.

Alex looked up when she heard the door opening, a smile covering her face.

"You ok?" She asked as she motioned for Olivia to join he on the couch.

"I'm not sure?" Olivia asked as she sat next to Alex "I'm sorry I stormed out but I had to cool down. If I stayed and continued I was afraid I might say or do something I couldn't take back."

"I think we both needed a little time to cool off." Alex said as she caressed Olivia's face "For the record, I was never worried about you hurting me."

"I know" Olivia whispered as the first smile since that morning began to show.

"Now I think we need to set some ground rules if we are going to work together. Olivia I don't want to lose us because we work together."

"We wont Blondie, I promise."

"Which is why I would like to set some rules. Well one mainly."

"Ok."

"What happens at work stays at work. We no longer bring it home with us."

"It wont be easy."

"I know but we have to try and if that don't work then one of us needs to transfer."

"What do you mean one of us?"

"Olivia I worry about you working for SVU. it's a constant reminder of your child hood and that will eventually eat at you. I can't and won't stand by while you let the job destroy you."

"DO you trust me enough to let me decide when that is?"

"Completely"

"Thank you" Olivia said as she exhaled the breath she was holding. "It's been a long day and it'll be an even longer day tomorrow. Truthfully all I want to do right now is lay down and hold you in my arms. Can we please do that?"

"My pleasure" Alex husked out as she stood and helped Olivia to her feet and guided her to the bedroom.

"Where are we?" Olivia asked as she walked into the precinct the following morning.

"We are going to TARU" Elliot said as he headed for the door "Apparently they had gotten something off a security video and was able to enhance it."

Twenty minutes later they were standing in the small confined space of TARU, Technical Assistance Reconstruction Unit, watching a video that displayed the suspect pushing the victim into the stairwell around the time of the rape. About five minutes later he leaves and shortly there after Sheppard came stumbling out with torn clothes and blood covering her.

"Bet we can get that warrant now." Elliot said as he dialed a number on the phone.

"Alex we need a warrant for his DNA now." Elliot said into the phone "I understand that but we have video of the day she was raped. Shows him shoving her into the staircase and exiting a few minutes later Sheppard follows behind him. He clothes are torn and she's covered in blood."

"Good we'll meet you there." Elliot said as he snapped the phone shut.

"Alex meeting us at the station?" Olivia asked as she began to follow Elliot down the hall.

"Yep and binging the warrant for the DNA."

"Here it is and I brought Warner with me." Alex said as she walked into the precinct with Warner on her heels.

"Elliot's in there with him now." Olivia said as she stood "He's trying to get him to confess."

"It would make life easier."

"Nothing's easy in this job." Olivia said as she opened the door and motioned for them to enter.

"I'm learning that." Alex whispered as she passed by.

Olivia knocked on the door, letting Elliot know that she was entering, before opening the door.

"You know what this is?" Olivia asked as she walked to Elliot's side holding up the folded piece of blue paper.

"Your pregnancy results?" Marcus said "How the hell should I know."

"This is a warrant for a DNA sample from you."

"I refuse."

"Nice try but this is a court order and you either give it up or go to jail."

"You know as soon as you refuse and sit in jail everyone is going to believe your guilty." Elliot growled out "you want that."

"I cant take that."

"Why not?" Melinda Warner asked speaking up for the first time.

"Because it will confirm what everyone knows in here."

"Which is what?" Olivia whispered getting closer to the suspect.

"Which is I should have killed her when I was finished" Marcus growled as he lept up and grabbed Olivia. Before anyone could react he had His arm around Olivia's neck and

a knife at her throat.

Olivia groaned as the knife pressed against her neck. She looked up at the one way mirror and locked eyes with Alex. Even though she couldn't see her she knew she was there and was panicking.

Alex hand covered her mouth in an attempt to stop the scream that was emitting from her mouth. Cragen quickly pulled her to him and ushered her out of the room. He did his best to assure her that Olivia would be ok.

"No one follows and I will let this bitch live." Marcus sneered as he pulled Olivia toward the door "that is after I have a little fun myself with her."

Olivia allowed Marcus to pull her from the room. She knew the best way to make it out alive was to comply. At least until they were in the squad room and the playing field was in tipped in her favor.

Marcus slowly cut across Olivia's neck slowly. Not deeply but enough to draw blood to make sure everyone knew he meant business. When he exited the interriogation room he looked around and smiled as all the officers seemed to back down. It always amazed him the lengths they would go for one of their own.

"Keep walking and keep your eyes forward." He whispered in her ear.

Slowly they made their way toward the precinct doors. As they approached the door she was starting to think she would not make it out. That was until she heard the gunshot and she fell to the ground.


	35. Survivor

**A/N: I know I was mean and evil for the cliff hanger. Sorry but every now and then I have to leave you on the edge of your seats. Hope this chapter makes up for it. As always reviews are welcomed.**

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><p>"Olivia" Alex screamed when she heard the gunshot and watched her fall to the ground.<p>

"Relax Alex." Fin ordered as he tightened his grip on her. For such a small petite lady she sure did have amazing strength.

"Screw you" Alex screamed as she struggled against him.

"Alex will you please stop screaming." A voice said that suddenly had Alex frozen in he spot.

"You were shot." Alex whispered so low almost no one heard her. "I must be dreaming."

"No baby" Olivia said as she pulled Alex into her arms "Marcus was shot. The momentum of his weight pushed him forward onto me and caused me to fall at the same time."

"Who?"

"Munch" Olivia said as she pointed up to the top of the stairs "He's actually an expert shot. In Philadelphia he was a sharp shooter. I knew They would position him where he could get a clear shot. If I didn't think I would make it out alive I would have never left the room with him. I needed him out in the bull pen to put the playing field in my favor."

"Don't ever do that again." Alex cried into Olivia's neck

"Wasn't my plan in the first place." Olivia whispered as she motioned the EMT'S away. "I didn't know breaking him like that would have led to this. Believe me I would have never allowed you to see that."

"Just when I get comfortable and feel secure with your job something like this comes along and reminds me how dangerous your job is."

"I'm reminded everyday."

"Ladies I hate to interrupt you." Cragen boomed "But the EMT'S need to look at the wound."

"I'm fine Captain."

"I'm glad its an order to be seen."

Olivia took a seat at her desk and leaned her head back giving him access to her neck. She flinched slightly when he rubbed it with rubbing alcohol to clean it.

"Miss your in luck the cut is very minor. There are no stitches needed. Just keep it clean and you will be good to go."

"Thank you."

The EMT quickly gathered his supplies and left the squad room. By the time he was finished IAB was on scene and interrogating Munch along with several other officers that was on scene. They were all being ushered out of the bull pen since it was now a crime scene.

"Detective Benson" A tall muscular man with graying hair asked as he approached her.

"Yes."

"I am Lieutenant Boyd with IAB" The man said extending his hand "I just have a few questions and you can be on your way."

"That's fine where would you like to go."

"Right over here is fine." Boyd said leading her to a secure spot in the hallway.

"Can you tell me what happened?"

"ADA Cabot" Olivia began but was interrupted by him

"Miss Cabot is your wife correct."

"Yes she is. Now as I was saying she arrived with Dr. Warner with a warrant for a DNA sample. I took the warrant in there and showed it to him. He said he couldn't have it done. When I closed the gap between us to ask why he jumped up grabbed me and put the knife at my throat. That's when he said it would show he was the one who raped her. His only regret was he didn't kill her."

"Why did you let him lead you out here?"

"it's a station house and I knew I would have a better chance in the bull pen then in the confined room."

"Why is that?"

"Because we don't carry our weapons on us in the interrogation rooms. If we were going to have an advantage point it had to be out of the room."

"You have trained in edge weapon fighting though correct?"

"Yes"

"Then why not use that technique in there?"

"Because he had already drawn blood and had it at my neck. They teach us in the class if we are some where we can expose him to more officers than do so. If not do what you can to come out alive."

"You chose to expose him to more officers?"

"I did. I wanted a fair fight,"

"How was it fair that there were at least four officers out there with their guns drawn ready to kill the man."

"First of all sir it is never our intention to kill the suspect. We just want to stop the threat. Second of all has it been that long since you went to the academy. They teach you the only way there's a fair fight is if you out number the suspect."

"You're correct Detective. Thank you for your time."

"Excuse me Lieutenant?"

"Yes"

"What will happen with Munch."

"He will have the mandatory three days off, a discussion with the department shrink, and re-qualify. If everything goes ok. He will be back to work on Monday."

"No lasting impact on his career."

"We are only following procedure. As far as we are concerned it was a clean shoot."

"Thank you." Olivia said as she shook his hand

"Elliot" Olivia called out seeing her partner standing to the side.

Hearing her voice Elliot quickly darted through the crowd of people toward her. As soon as he was near her he pulled her in his arms and held her tight against him. After a few minutes he was willing to release her.

"Sorry about that."

"No worries" Olivia said as she smacked him on the arm "We both go home to our wives. That's all that matters."

"But I think your wife wants my balls on a silver platter."

"Maybe but would that be such a bad thing. I mean you do have four children already. Kathy may appreciate the jester. "

"You just wait smart ass there may come a time Kathy will be coming after you."

"Agreed. Now speaking of my wife have you seen her."

"Try heard her rampage."

Olivia looked at him with a puzzled look.

"Lets just say I will triple and quadruple check behind any patrolman that states they patted the subject down. I would like to keep everything in tact that I was born with."

Olivia started laughing as she caught sight of Alex. After a look between the two that meant all was forgiven she headed toward her. After the last couple of weeks they've had there was nothing more she wanted to do but take her home and hold her tight in her arms. Lord knew after everything that happened they needed it.


	36. Valez

**A/N: I know it's been a while so sorry. Life got the best of me. **

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><p>It had been almost three years since Alex and Olivia had started working together. To the amazement of almost everyone but themselves they had found a balance between their personal lives and professional lives. They had discovered as they neared their one year anniversary of working together bets were waged against them. The most anyone thought they would last was six months. Only Fin had given them to a year. When asked why he smiled and said he saw something there he hadn't seen in a long while. True love.<p>

Working with your wife had its advantages. Unlike Elliot there was no constant explaining of the job and the dedication it required. She knew if she was working late then so was Alex. There were only a few occasions that Alex made it out before she did. She could only count on one hand the times Alex had to beg or plead with her to leave and come home.

There was a down side to working with your wife too. If ever a hit or threat was placed on you she knew before the sentence was out of your partners mouth. If she didn't know better she would have said she had the bull pen bugged. It was always an argument to end all arguments when Olivia would choose to use herself as bait. In the end when Olivia would come home unscathed she would always tell Alex see I told you I would be all right. Alex would smile pull her tight and then reminder she could only tempt fate so many times. Eventually her number was going to run out and Alex wasn't prepared for that. Which is why Olivia found it not only ironic and maddening when Alex became the target but extremely aggravating too.

They had been called to a scene where a woman who was walking her poodle discovered a body in an alley covered with a white fur coat. They had discovered the victims name was Olivia tayes from Queens age 23. As Warner was inspecting the body she found that the victims tongue had been removed. Often a symbol of talking to the cops or saying something you shouldn't have in different gangs and drug cartels.

As Munch and Fin were searching the victims apartment they found even more confusing information. There was no pictures or knickknacks. It was a cheap apartment with very little room. Once the closet was opened there were high dollar dress clothes. As Munch went through her drawers he found a social security card. A search of the number turned up no information prior to June 2001. That left out identity theft since it had never belonged to anyone. They checked to make sure she wasn't in witness protection and she wasn't.

El and Liv went to try and gather more information from Warner. They were hoping for tattoos or birthmarks to help identify her. No such luck. Warner found a necklace tangled in her hair and a scrape on her leg with fiberglass imbedded in the wound. The lab had found a powdery substances on the fur coat the victim was wearing . When Warner sprayed it with cobalt tyrosine it tested positive for cocaine. As they left the M.E.'S office there was a blue Chevy Capri sitting across the street. When they went to question them the car sped off.

Going to see Sister Peg they discovered the necklace was the patron saint of Colombia. Which confirmed their theory of drug cartel even more. Talking to the priest who knew Olivia they found out she had a storage container. Upon search of the container they discovered her name was Olivia Sanderval. The icing on the cake she was one of them. That's when the DEA showed up and filled them in.

Sanderval was working undercover in a joint task force that they were working with the NYPD. She had infiltrated a drug cartel by the name of Valez and she became the woman of his right hand man, Zapta. It had been a two year investigation and the DEA wanted the case dropped. They reached the agreement that they would investigate the rape and murder of a dead hooker and any connection to law enforcement would be buried.

As the case progressed a DEA agent was blown up and threats were made against everyone which is what led to where they were at that moment. Sitting in a conference room at the DA's office listening to a recorded phone conversation of an inmate and an unidentified man. He listed their address, Alex's job address, when she jogged, and her mother's address. She had never been so scared in her life especially when the agent who warned car exploded in front of her. The best way to drop the hit was to have her drop the case. Something she was adamant about not doing.

"Alex just drop the case. Leave the DA's office. Your life isn't worth it."

"If I drop the case they win."

"If you drop the case I get another fifty years with my wife."

"What am I suppose to do if I drop the case and leave the DA's office?"

"Lets start the family we've been talking about. Hell go house hunting and take your time decorating it. I will take a month off and we will travel to Europe like you've been wanting to. Damn it I don't care as long as you are off the case and out of the office."

"Olivia.." Alex started to say but was stopped by Olivia.

"Don't Olivia me. I have never asked you to leave your job or told you what to do. I support you one hundred and ten percent and never ask questions. This is one time I am going to put my foot down and do something in all the years we've been together I've never done."

"What is that?"

"I am ordering you to leave the job."

"ORDERING ME" Alex screamed as she jumped to the her feet "NO ONE ORDERS ME."

"WELL I AM" Olivia screamed back as she jumped to her feet.

"You have some nerve" Alex said as she spun on her heels and headed for the door.

"I have nerve" Olivia said as she slammed the door and pinned Alex against the wall "They are threatening your life. They know where your family lives and your schedule. Please Alex I beg you don't. I cant live without you."

"If I back off they win."

"Damn it sometimes you have to lose some. If losing a major drug cartel means you live. That's a win to me."

"What am I suppose to do sit at home and take up knitting?"

"If that's what you want to do fine. As long as your not an ADA anymore on this case. I don't care."

"Olivia I've worked so hard for this."

"Honey you've achieved every goal. I for one am so proud of you I brag to anyone who will listen. Why don't we take this time to work on personal goals. Maybe after a while you can go back in the business as an ADA or maybe a private attorney. Your choice. Just not on this case ever."

Olivia raised Alex's head up so she could stare into the blue eyes that stole her heart. As much of a brave face Alex was trying to put on she could see the fear in them.

"I don't know." Alex whispered

"I do baby and this is best. Please just trust me."

"With my life stud." Alex croaked out as tears started to fall from her eyes.

Olivia knew that Alex had succedded to her wish when she called her stud. She pulled Alex to her and held her tight against her, vowing then and there as she held the shattered shell of a woman that she loved more than life itself that if she ever got her hands on Zapata or Velez that they would pay.

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><p><strong>AN: I didnt care for the end of loss. I would have perfered Alex not been shipped off to WPP but I dont write the scripts. (sad face). So thanks to Fanfiction we can change it to the way we want it to go. There fore during the rest of the story Alex was never shipped off to WPP and she voluntarly left the ADA position she had,**


	37. Surprise

**A/N: I finally got the chapter out that I was trying for. I hope everyone enjoy's it and as always reviews are welcomed.**

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><p>Olivia stood at the bottom of the stairs that led to their apartment. She was truly wondering if she had the energy to walk up the stairs and to her bed. They had just wrapped up a case that had her at the station for four days straight. With the exception of taking two thirty minute naps she had not slept in ninety six hours. She just prayed as she drug her body up the stairs that tonight was not one of the nights Alex wanted to hash things over. The look on Alex's face when she entered the door told her differently.<p>

"You mean you were able to tear yourself away?" Alex asked as she stood and walked toward the kitchen.

"Alex please I'm tired and want to sleep." Olivia said as she shrugged out of her jacket "can we please talk about it in the morning."

"No we will talk about it now."

Olivia ran her hand over her exhausted face since Alex left the DA'S office all they had done was fight. She for one was sick of it. She quickly closed the gap between the two of them and pinned Alex against the refrigerator.

"I'm sorry I didn't come home. I'm sorry you no longer work for the DA'S office. But I would rather have you alive then dead."

"You seemed pretty cozy to the new ADA."

"You know as well as anyone how close we work with the ADA."

"That use to be me." Alex said as tears flowed down her cheeks.

"I know baby." Olivia said pulling her to her "I'm so sorry that it isn't. Trust me I would much rather see you in business shoes and high heels than Casey Novak."

"You mean you don't find her attractive?" Alex found herself asking.

"She is easy on the eyes but she's no Alexandra Cabot-Benson that's for sure."

"You sure do know how to charm a lady detective."

"Had to learn if I was ever going to marry a Cabot." Olivia whispered as she kissed Alex.

Alex melted into the kiss as always. Now as always she could feel the amount of love Olivia had for her. Which made her feel even worse thinking there was something between Casey and Olivia. She knew Olivia would never cheat on her but the way Casey leaned on Olivia's desk like she use to and how she seemed to lean a little closer when Olivia spoke. It was almost too much for Alex to handle.

Lord knew she couldn't blame Casey for being attracted to Olivia. She was quite the specimen to see. Even in her thirties she had the body of a rookie right out of the academy. Every movement she made especially when she wore jeans seemed to display her muscles even more. Nothing was hotter than her wearing the leather jacket with the gun strapped to her hip. That thought and imagine alone was turning Alex on even more than she already was when Olivia walked through the door.

"Hello anyone there?" Alex heard as she was pulled from her thoughts.

"Sorry stud my mind wandered."

"I'm sure it did." Olivia said with the twinkle in her eyes that let Alex know that she knew.

"Come stud lets get you into bed if my assumptions are correct if you got more than an hour to hour and half sleep the last four days."

"Just an hour." Olivia admitted with a sly smile "But I'm sure I have at least another two in me."

Alex moaned as Olivia assaulted her neck. Her body as always instantly responded. Even after all the years they have been together it still shocked her how each time felt like the first time with Olivia. So tender and loving making sure that every need and desire of hers meet before even starting to succumb to her own. Never had anyone made her feel so cherished in the bed. She did then as she did every day of her life. She thank god for giving her Olivia.

Olivia rolled over and looked at the clock. She was amazed to see it was almost noon when she woke. She rolled out of bed and slid on her pants and a t-shirt before she walked out of the bedroom. She smiled at her wife when she saw her curled up on the sofa reading the New York Times.

"Good morning Blondie" Olivia husked out as she approached Alex. She leaned down and kissed her slowly and thoroughly as if her life depended on it.

"Good morning yourself Stud." Alex answered her voice raw with pure desire and need.

"Want another cup of coffee?" Olivia asked as she started to reach for Alex's cup but was stopped.

"No you sit and I will get you the coffee."

"Alex I'm already up."

"Yeah but you're the one that's working not me. So sit and I will wait on you."

"Alex you are not my servant."

"Would it help if I put on one of those cute little French maid out fits on. You know the type that when I bend over you see everything." She whispered into Olivia's ear smiling to her self when she watched her swallow.

"Just coffee" Olivia was able to mumble out as she watched Alex sashay across the apartment with a little extra sway in her hips. Thank you god for sending me such a wonderful woman Olivia silently said.

"Anything you want to do today?" Olivia asked when Alex handed her the coffee.

"You mean besides you?"

"Yes besides me."

"I was wondering if you would be interested in looking over some files with me."

"What files?"

"These" Alex said as she handed them to Olivia and waited for her to look at them.

Olivia took the files from Alex and opened them up. She had a feeling that Alex never let the drug cartel go but she had no clue it went this far. Olivia spewed hot coffee all over the first file after reading the first line.

"Alex what the hell?"

"Those are six potential donors I have narrowed it down to. Now I would like your opinion on which one to use."

"Sperm Donor?"

"Well stud don't get me wrong your good actually your amazing in the bedroom but I'm quite positive, especially after last night, you don't have the needed equipment."

"You are so right about that my love" Olivia said laughing. "Do you have a preference on any of these."

"Any of those." Alex said as she stood and walked toward the kitchen "Now I want your input it will be your child too."

Olivia looked up from the folder and stared at Alex for a minute. Her child too. That thought scared the hell out of her. The only good thing coming from this situation is that she knew it wouldn't carry her genes. At least the child would have a chance.

"Alex I'm thrilled about this, don't get me wrong but this apartment isn't exactly big enough for a baby."

"I know" Alex said as she sat a plate in front of Olivia "That's why I figured we could start house hunting over the weekend and don't try to get out of it. I know you are off the weekend. Besides there's no guarantee that I will become pregnant on the first try. Even if I do that still gives us nine months to move and prep the house."

"I've already told you honey the house is your decision."

"I want your input on it too. You will be living there from time to time."

"Time to time?"

"Yeah when you're not sleeping at the station."

"About that."

"It's your job I know I'm just giving you some grief that's it I promise. But I do want you with me when I go house hunting. It will be our house. It will have both our names on it."

"I know honey. We can start in the morning looking for houses. Olivia said as she pulled Alex to her "As for the donor I like this guy's profile."


	38. House Hunting

"So what type of house are we looking for?" The agent, Kayla, that Alex's parents had recommended asked.

"What ever she wants." Olivia said heartfelt.

"That's sweet" Kayla answered "But don't you want a say in the house too?"

"What I want is to see a smile on my wife's face" Olivia said as she glanced at Alex "Now the house of her choice will put it there."

"If you ask me in my experience it's not the house that makes a person happy but the family in it."

"So true" Alex almost whispered as she reached for Olivia's hand.

Olivia took her wife's hand and squeezed it. Since resigning her job as ADA Alex had been on an emotional roller coaster. Olivia had been doing her best to keep her even keel which was becoming harder and harder with her demanding job hours. Making sure she had eye contact with Alex she gave her a small smile and a wink. That seemed to work because Alex's face lit up.

"Although I can tell by looking at you two that, that shouldn't be a problem. Oh to be a newlywed again." Kayla said wistful.

Alex and Olivia couldn't help the laughter that erupted from them.

"You two are legally married correct?" Kayla asked.

"Yes we are" Alex answered once she was able to compose herself "But we are far from newlyweds. We have been married for five years together for ten.""Wow. I wished my husband still looked at me the way she's looking at you."

"I don't see why he shouldn't you are absolutely beautiful." Olivia said with her cocky look on her face.

Kayla looked between the two women and was unable to find her voice. She had a feeling that any minute there was going to be a fight to end all in front of her.

"Kayla ignore her please." Alex said as she playful smacked Olivia "She tends to be a flirt from time to time."

"I was not flirting I was stating a fact."

"Whatever stud." Alex said as she turned her attention back to Kayla "Have you found in houses that meet the requirements I sent over."

"As a matter of fact I have and if you are ready I am ready to show them to you."

"Perfect" Olivia answered as she stood and helped Alex to her feet "Let's get started."

Five hours later an exhausted Olivia took the same seat she had earlier. She had no clue there was so many available house available in the area that would meet Alex's demands. She also couldn't get over the shock of hearing the prices of some of the houses. One cost close to a million. Granted it had its own security system and electronic gate around it. That and its own movie theater and game hall in the basement. Olivia would be lying if she said she hadn't fallen in love with that but there was no way she could afford that.

"I'm going to leave you two alone so you can discuss which house you liked and you can come and get me when your ready." Kayla said as she shut the door behind her leaving the two alone.

"Besides the one that had the dream basement in it which one did you like?" Alex asked turning to face Olivia.

"I don't know honey most of them our out of my league." Olivia said with disappointment in her eyes.

"First of all they are not." Alex said ready to squash this argument from the get go "WE have plenty of money. Second of all it's a delayed wedding present from my parents."

"Honey I don't want expect your family to put a roof over our heads."

"I know that and they know that." Alex whispered as she positioned herself in Olivia's lap "But this is something they want to do for us. I never asked them to. Apparently we had an appointment with Kayla scheduled the week after we were to come back from our honeymoon but your shooting side tracked that. Since we settled in so nicely to my apartment they chose not to say anything until we were ready for a house. When I asked them to refer a good realtor they told me what they had planned."

"They really like me don't they."

"Try love you but not as much as I do."

"Which house do you like the most ?" Olivia asked as she ran her hands through Alex's hair finding herself unable to keep her hands off her.

"Cherry Lane."

"Really why?"

"Its big enough for us to have a large family and close enough to where it wont take you long to get to work. Not to mention the kitchen is almost completely modernized and did you see that bath tub. I could get lost in that tub. That second building we could turn into a gym for you and an office if you like."

"I have to admit I liked the pool but being in New York why have an outdoor pool? There's no need to convert the second building. There was a room big enough downstairs for me to turn into an office for me."

"Its simple honey I will have it converted to an indoor pool for you. That way you can swim anytime you want. Any room you want for your office is fine with me."

"Blondie you don't have to do that."

"If I recall you did say I could decorate and redo the house as I pleased correct?"

"I did but you don't have to do something that drastic" Olivia said as she pressed a kiss to Alex's temple knowing it was useless to argue with her "Let Kayla know that we have decided."

About three hours later Olivia and Alex walked into the café holding the keys to their brand new house. Olivia was amazed at how long it took to get the house even though the Cabot's were paying cash for it. What shocked her even more was when she asked Alex when did she need to request off to move and was told the house needed to be remodeled before they could move. She was beginning to wonder if she couldn't survive the house remodel and move how was she ever going to survive a pregnancy.


	39. House Warming Party

"Honey in about ten minutes the grill will be ready for the potatoes." Olivia said as she walked up and wrapped her arms around Alex's waist being very careful of her stomach.

Alex turned in her wife's arms and gently kissed her.

"I am ready for you now." She whispered when she broke the kiss.

"Everyone should start arriving within a few minutes" Olivia groaned out.

"Then make it quick stud." Alex husked out as she wrapped a leg around Olivia's waist.

Olivia backed Alex against the counter and placed her on it. She took a moment to stare into the deep blue eyes that she loved. There was no mistaking the pure lust and desire she saw there. As bad as she wanted to take her wife then and there on the counter as she did that morning she knew any second people would start arriving at any moment.

"Alex" Olivia whispered her voice full of desire "I will make it well worth your while tonight after everyone leaves but right now we need to prepare for the house warming party that you planned."

"How was I to know I would want you to take me on the counter and bend me over the table as bad as I do right now when I planned the party." Alex whispered before lightly biting her ear lobe.

Olivia groaned as desire surged through her. Who was she to deny her wife what she wanted. Just as Olivia slid her hand under Alex's dress to discover she was wearing no underwear someone knocked on the door.

"Son of a bitch" Olivia groaned out as she removed herself from Alex. She took a deep breath before heading toward the door. She was silently killing whoever felt the urge to arrive on time and thank god she was not a man. Lord knew if she was there would be no doubt how much she desired her wife at that moment.

"El, Kathy." Olivia said as she opened the door and bit down her sexual frustration "Please come in."

"We can come back in twenty if you like" Elliot said reading his partner like a book.

"Stabler." Both Kathy and Olivia shouted at the same time.

"Just looking out for my partner." Elliot said with his trademark grin on his face.

"Aunt Liv I hear you have an indoor pool." Elizabeth said breaking the tension.

"I do sweetie Aunt Alex had it enclosed so we could swim anytime."

"We brought our suits." Dickie said holding up a bag

"Richard Stabler" Elliot shouted at his son.

"El please" Olivia said placing a hand on Elliot's shoulder to calm him "They can swim and you know that."

"Kathy" Alex said from the kitchen "Finally another woman to talk to please come into the kitchen."

"What am I?" Olivia asked as she turned around with a pout like face plastered on.

"Sometimes I wonder" Alex said with a gleam in her eyes "There are some beers by the grill for you two *guys* and I will send everyone else out there to you when they arrive."

"This is when you take a retreat and run" Elliot said as he wrapped his arm around his partner and headed for the back deck.

"So this is the type of house Cabot money gets?" Elliot asked as he looked out over the back yard.

"Apparently so" Olivia said "Delayed wedding present from her parents."

"What's that's building over there?"

"You have to ask Alex she has forbidden me to go near it."

"And you have listened."

"Yes unlike you I prefer not to fight and argue with my wife."

"But the make up sex."

"I am not discussing my sex life with you Elliot."

"Fine" Elliot said as he pretended to sulk but this was their normal conversations concerning their marriages.

Over the next thirty minutes everyone slowly arrived. Fin brought his son who he had been trying to reconnect with and Munch brought a victim that he had fallen for when he met her. Even though they were strictly friends everyone knew he was in love with her but because of his track record decided to keep it at friend ship. Cragen as always came alone due to his still undying devotion to his dead wife. The only one that was missing from the unit was Casey. Olivia was really hoping she would come but when she asked her she seemed hesitant. It wasn't until she walked back in the kitchen did she realized that Casey had arrived.

"Casey you made it" Olivia said as she walked up and hugged the red head to her "I'm glad you're here."

"Thank you for inviting me." Casey said feeling uneasy with the relaxed side of Olivia. Not to mention the hugged she pulled her into. She had heard the rumors around the DA's office about the jealous side of Alex. She just hoped she didn't just misconstrued what happened here.

"The guys are out here if you want to join." Olivia said as she grabbed another handful of beers and headed back out.

"So" Alex said as she got close to Casey "You and my wife don't even have the nerve to hide your affair in front of me."

"What no Alex" Casey said shaking her head "Its not like that I swear."

"I know Casey" Alex said unable to uphold the game she was wanting to play "I was going to tease you because I've heard the rumors running around but the look on your face was too much. I'm sorry."

"Oh but I swear I don't know where the hug came from."

"Honey you've never hung out with the unit after hours have you?" Kathy asked

"No"

"Outside the building and off the clock they are totally different."

"OH"

"Come on beautiful" Olivia said as she wrapped her arms around her wife and pulled her towards her. "Everything's ready.

Casey's breath caught in her throat when she saw the amount of love they had for each other. She had never seen someone light up the way they did when ever they were in the same room.

"You get use to it after a while." Kathy whispered as she guided Casey out the door "But in case you were ever wondering love like that does still happen."

"I see" Casey said as she took her seat.

Dinner remained as uneventful as it can be with five cops. By the middle of dinner everyone was swapping war stories and basically trying to one up each other. Thankfully toward the end of dinner they began talking sports and arguing over who had the best baseball team. Alex for one was grateful the conversation had turned it was hard enough being married to a cop she sure didn't want to hear the stories of cheating death.

Once dinner was done Alex quickly cleaned the table off and straightened the kitchen. When she didn't return Olivia excused herself and went in search of her.

"You ok?" Olivia asked seeing the worry in Alex's eyes.

"Just nervous."

"We can wait if you want to."

"No let's do it. I want to." Alex said as she took Olivia's hand and headed for the back door.

"Everyone we have an announcement to make." Alex said as she stepped out side. Olivia quickly wrapped her arms around her giving her the confidence she needed to continue. Glancing over her shoulder to get the final reassurance she needed before continuing. Alex looked at the anxious faces and smiled before continuing.

"Olivia and I are having a baby."


	40. Olivia's Present

"You really are a stud." Fin said as he stood to be the first to congratulate the women.

Everyone quickly followed in his foot steps offering congratulations and well wishes for both women. Olivia and Alex hugged everyone and thanked them for their blessings and well wishes. Once everyone had settled down Casey and Kathy began to talk about planning a baby shower.

"I don't know about you guys but that's my cue to run." Olivia said.

"Right behind you." All the men chimed in as they stood.

"Wait one minute" Alex called out causing everyone to stop in their tracks. "Where are you going?"

"To see if we can catch a game." Elliot answered as if that was a normal question.

"Not in my house you arent." Alex said with a scowl on her face.

"Honey it's not like we have a TV out here." Olivia said as she stepped around the guys to talk to Alex.

"Your right we don't." Alex said as she walked up and placed a key in Olivia's hand "But you do in your building."

"My building?" Olivia asked confused

"Yes your building" Kathy said as she stood and pointed to toward the second building out in the yard.

"Alex what did you do?" Olivia asked with a smile forming across her face.

"Go see." Alex said almost laughing as Olivia and the guys darted off towards the building.

"Something tells me I'm going to know where to find my husband" Kathy said as her, Alex, and Casey followed everyone.

Olivia slid the key in the lock and turned it before slowly opening the door. She walked in and ran her hands along the wall trying to find the light switch. When she did she was over come with emotions.

Alex had remodeled the out building into a *man cave* as it had became known as. There were couches with built in recliners in the middle. The wall held a 62 inch plasma TV that was hooked up to a surround sound system to die for. There was a refridgearator that Olivia knew if she opened held not only her favorite drinks but snacks. A pool table was off to the side along with a dart board on the wall. There was posters of everyone's favorite teams.

"Alex" Olivia choked out over come with emotions.

"I love you baby" Alex said as she wrapped her arms around Olivia "I wanted to thank you for giving me everything I could ever want. A woman who loves me and supports me no matter what. You have made every dream I've ever had come true. You never ask for anything and never want anything."

"That's because I have it all with you." Olivia whispered before kissing Alex.

"I know" Alex whispered when she broke the kiss "And I know you need a place to escape to after the horrors you see on a daily basis. When you step in here I want you to be able to forget the scum that walk to earth as much as possible."

"Thank you."

"Your welcome. Through that door over there is a complete bathroom including a shower. That second door is your office. Now I know you don't like to talk about your accomplishments and awards but I am proud of you for everything. Since you didn't want them hung in the house for everyone to see I hung them all in your office. Now you and the guys enjoy yourself while us women plan on how to make your life a living hell."

"If this is hell I'll take it any day of the week." Olivia said as she kissed her wife one more time before she walked back to the house.

"By chance does Alex have a sister?" Fin asked as Olivia closed the door "because if so I SOOOO NEED to meet her."

"No Fin she's an only child and if you make a move on my wife I will kill you."

"I'm aware of that fact." Fin said laughing as he stretched out ready to watch the game.

About two hours later the Stabler kids were out like a light in the living room and none of the women had heard anything from the guys since Olivia shut the door. When Casey went to check on them she found all of them out and snoring. With the help of Kathy she got everyone covered up and tucked in. It amazed her to see the life and smiles in them when they were away from work. There was no haunting of the eyes the whole time she was here.

"Alex it looks like you lost your wife to the building for tonight." Casey said as she entered the house "Along with all the other men to."

"That's fine they needed a break." Alex said "Would you like to stay the night yourself Casey. You are more than welcomed to."

"Thank you but I don't want to impose."

"First of all you are not imposing and secondly Casey I know you've been with the unit for over a year now but let me share something with you. That's a family unlike any you have ever seen. I didn't understand it until I started working as their ADA. You guys may fight like cats and dogs but each and every one of them love you. Hang out with them more outside of work and you will understand them even more."

"Thank you Alex." Casey said "I've felt like an outsider since I arrived. I always thought they wanted you."

"I'm sure it was an adjustment period when I left but believe me when I say they speak highly of you. Now please stay the night its already after ten and you and I both know the type of people out in the world."

"If you wouldn't mind."

"Not at all as a matter of fact I say we continue this ladies night we get in my room." Alex said as she headed for the stairs. "Wouldn't want to wake the kids."

Kathy and Casey nodded in agreement and followed Alex.


	41. pregnancy troubles

"Rough night there?" Elliot asked when he looked up and saw a very exhausted Olivia drag herself into the precinct.

"I give anything for it to be what you think it is" Olivia said as she flopped down in her chair.

"Is the hormones going wild?"

"Wild isn't the word for it Elliot. How the hell did you survive four children?"

"Very carefully. What was it last night?"

"At three thirty in the morning I'm jolted awake by Alex because she wants Oreo's and Klondike bars. This coming from the woman who would hardly ever touch sweets."

"You did go and get it right?"

"Yes Elliot I'm not that stupid."

"Let me guess by the time you got back home she wanted something different?"

"I wished." Olivia said as she leaned forward "By the time I got back home I was looking for another woman."

"What?"

"Since it took me a little longer than what she had figured it would take she decided I was looking for another woman. One that's not as big as a house and is still desirable."

"Oh how I don't miss those days."

"Lucky man."

"What did you do?"

"What the hell do you think I did Elliot. I tried to show my wife exactly how much I desired her. How much she turns me on. If I didn't know any better I would have to say I want her more now and love her more than ever before."

"Of course you do." Elliot said as he stood and walked over to Olivia "She's the mother of your child. But I take it that it didn't work out so well with showing Alex."

"After I was smacked several times. How dare I touch her when I'm thinking of another woman. Oh and let's not forget "I don't want a pity fuck" line and that's all your giving me."

"Ouch."

"Yeah."

"How much longer till the baby is born?"

"Four months."

"Just know if you ever need a place to crash to escape everything you're welcome to come over and stay at my house."

"Thanks El I appreciate but that's my family and no matter how bad it gets I will be there every step of the way."

"I understand but be prepared to find a suitcase on the curb and the locks changed."

"What the hell…" Olivia asked a she raised her head to look at Elliot.

"When Kathy was pregnant with twins I came home from work one night and found my stuff on the curb. Apparently because she so big I was sleeping with my partner and a prostitute. All at the same time."

"You have to got to be kidding me."

"Nope took me a week and a half to get back home."

"Shit can you cover for me today?" Olivia asked as she jumped up and ran toward the door not waiting for a reply.

"Stabler where did Benson run off to so fast?" Cragen asked as he entered the bull pen having passed one of his best detectives running down the hall..

"Pregnancy troubles."

"May god be with her." Cragen said as he shook his head.

Thanks to a set of lights on the department car and light traffic she was home in about twenty minutes. Alex flung open the door as Olivia ran up the stairs toward her.

"What is it?" Alex asked worried that something had happened.

"You" Olivia whispered as she picked her wife up and carried her to the couch. "I want you and had to come home."

"Olivia." Alex started to say but was stopped.

"No listen to me Alex. I don't care how big you get or if you ever get your figure back afterwards. One look at you and my desire raises a whole new level. Alex, god woman, knowing that you are carrying our child makes me want you even more. Now I want you to go get ready because I am going to show my beautiful, hot, sexy, wife and soon to be mother, how much I care about her."

"Olivia I'm so sorry about this morning. I know you want me. I can see it written all over your face and in your eyes. I know I'm a sea saw of emotions right now and you're getting the brunt of it. It's just I see all these young pretty skinny women and how they look at you. Then I take a look at myself in the mirror and see what I am now. I just feel so undesirable right now. "

"Oh baby I swear to you I have never wanted you more right now than ever before. Every day that I look at you and see your swollen belly I have to fight the urge to take you against the wall or anywhere we are at that moment. Knowing that you are giving me the greatest gift ever it's…there's no way to describe what I feel for you. I just have one request though."

"What's that stud" Alex had to choke out overcome with emotions of what Olivia just said to her.

"Promise me I won't come home and find my stuff on the corner."

"On the corner? Why would I put your stuff on the corner."

"Let's just say Elliot enlightened me on some of Kathy's pregnancy fits."

Alex laughed as she pulled Olivia to her and captured her lips in a fierce kiss. She groaned when Olivia deepened the kiss. She reluctantly broke the kiss when her need for oxygen over came her need for Olivia.

"Baby" Alex said breathlessly "I'm not going to place your stuff on the curb."

"You promise because I don't think I could stand a week away from you till the hormones changed your way of thinking."

"I promise Stud." Alex whispered as she ran her hands through her wife's hair. Her beauty always amazed her and times like this when she let her insecurities show she was even more beautiful. When she opened herself up to Alex like she just did she found herself falling in love with her all over again.

"So is there any particular place you want to go or do today Blondie." Olivia asked as she pulled Alex even tighter against her.

"Yeah" Alex smiled to herself "I want to just lay around in bed watching sappy love movies and order in the worse tasting Thai we can find. Maybe soak in the tub together. I just want to be with you Liv that's it."

"And that you shall have." Olivia whispered as she carefully stood her wife back up and joined her. Olivia following Alex up to the stairs admiring the view in front of her

"I can feel your eyes on me." Alex said as she glanced over her shoulder giving Olivia her best come hither look she had.

Olivia groaned when she was the look Alex was giving. On any given day it took all she had to keep her hands to herself but when Alex looked at her like that she was a goner. She had a feeling that Alex knew that too which is why there were times when she came home from work she was greeted with that look. There were times they never made it to the bedroom. If the guys knew half the things that occurred on their couch they would never sit on it again.


	42. Delivery

"Look if you just tell us the DA'S office will go easy on you." Olivia said as she leaned over toward the newest scum of the earth they had caught "Do something right for once."

"Olivia" Cragen said as he came bursting through the door.

"Give me five more minutes Capt I will have him."

"You don't have five" Cragen said with urgency in his voice that made Olivia turn around.

"What is it?" Olivia asked as she followed him out, deep down she was afraid that they had another victim.

"Fin and Munch is taking over and Elliot is rushing you to the hospital."

"Oh God Alex." Olivia said as she went rushing out of the room.

"Relax Liv" Fin said as she went running past him "Women have babies every day of the week."

"I'm not missing the birth of my daughter." Olivia shot back as she charged out of the bull pen.

Elliot was on his feet and behind his partner in seconds. He knew she would be in a hurry but this was ridiculous.

"Hey Liv you do know that a first born can take anywhere from two hours or more."

"And they can arrive the second the mother the mother gets to the hospital too. I refuse to miss one second."

"You won't have to. We have lights and sirens with authority from the captain to do what it took to get you there."

Olivia stopped as quickly as she had took off causing Elliot to almost plow her over.

"What what is it?" He asked with his hand on his weapon. He was use to her uncanny sense of danger.

"What if I'm a terrible mother? What if I turn into my mother with the stress of raising a child?"

"Welcome to the first time parents worry." Elliot said as he guided her to the car "We all have them. We're not going to be good enough. What if I turn out like my parents? I promise you once they place that bundle in your arms it will all be worth it."

"I just hope I can be the parent she needs me to be."

"You already are Olivia you already are." Elliot said as he flipped on the lights and siren and sped out of the garage. In twenty minutes Elliot was guiding the car into a space marked Police Only. He grabbed Olivia's arm stopping her from darting out of the car.

"Listen all you can do is your best. Nothing more and nothing less."

"I will now if you don't mind I want to go to my wife."

Elliot released his hold and stepped out of the car. He followed behind Olivia but not as fast as she was. He remembered when Kathy went into labor and how anxious he was to get to her only to have to wait almost thirty hours before being introduced to his daughter.

"Ma'am I'm looking for Alexandra Cabot-Benson's room she should be in Maternity."

"You are?" The nurse asked looking up from the computer.

"Olivia Benson her wife and this is my partner Detective Elliot Stabler." She responded flashing her badge at the nurse.

"She is on the fourth floor room 4270."

"Thank you." Olivia said as she jumped for the elevator and pushed the fourth floor. She followed the signs and quickly found Alex's room.

"Hey Blondie." Olivia whispered as she opened the door and saw Alex.

"You made it." Alex said as her face lit up.

"Wouldn't miss this for the world." Olivia whispered before kissing her wife gently. "How's its going?"

"Contractions are about fifteen minutes apart and she's dilated to five centimeters with fifty percent e-faced." Dr. Smith answered as she entered reading Alex's chart. "I'm glad you made it Olivia."

"Wouldn't miss it. How long are we looking at?"

"At the rate she's progressing I'd say you two should be proud parents in about three hours possibly less. I'm going to check her again since it's showing her contractions are increasing."

Olivia nodded and gripped Alex's hands tightly. She could see the nervousness and excitement in Alex when she looked into her eyes.

"Make that here shortly ladies it looks like your daughter is determined to make an entrance and come in quickly."

"Just like her mother." Olivia said laughing which received a smack from Alex.

"I'm going to go get the team together and everything we need. Please try to remain calm Olivia."

"Why me she's the one who's having the baby."

"I know honey but I had an epidural the second I came into the room and you have had nothing."

For what seemed like a lifetime but had only been twenty minutes Olivia stood by Alex. She fed her ice chips when asked and told her repeatedly how much she loved her. This was the best gift she could have ever given her. She was pacing the floor when Alex screamed.

"What is it?" Olivia said trying her best not to panic.

"I think its time." Alex said with a smile that resembled a grimace.

Olivia darted out of the room and grabbed the first person who she saw. One look at her and the nurse knew what the problem was.

"What is the room number?"

"4270"

"Go we will be in there before you get by your wife's side."

True to her word the doctor beat Olivia in and before she knew it the room was swarming with nurses. She helped Alex up into a sitting position as the doctor asked .

"Alex Olivia you ready to meet your little girl?" The doctor asked.

"yes" They said in unison.

"I hope so because here she comes. When I tell you too Alex I want you to push as hard as you can only stopping when you count to ten."

Alex nodded as another contraction hit.

"Now Alex."

"Come on baby push. You can do it" Olivia said as she helped Alex the best she could "Push."

"Alex take a break and relax." The doctor said "On the next contraction push as hard as you can.

"you are doing wonderful." Olivia whispered as she wiped the sweat from Alex's brow.

"It hurts so bad. I don't think I can do it." Alex cried as tears poured from her eyes.

"You can honey. You are the strongest person I know. Just look at me and remember I love you."

"LOVE YOU" Alex screamed out as she felt another contraction hit.

"Come on push through it Alex push through it. I'm right here baby I'm right…." Olivia was saying but stopped short when she heard a piercing cry.

"Is that?" Alex asked half laughing half crying.

"It's your little girl Mrs Benson. Now I need you to try to relax for a minute. I will tell you when I need you to push again."

Alex collapsed against the bed crying "How is she? Is she ok?"

Olivia walked toward the end of the bed to catch a glance at her daughter.

"She's perfect." Olivia whispered amazed at the sight before her.

"Alex one more small push and you will hold your baby girl. I need you to do that now."

Alex leaned forward again and pushed until she heard the doctor tell her to lay back. AS she did a nurse laid a blue medical blanket across her chest. Doctor Smith stood and placed the now screaming baby girl on her chest.

"Olivia would you like to cut the cord?"

Olivia nodded taking the scissors that was being handed to her and cutting where the pointed. As soon as she did she handed the scissors back and wrapped Alex in her arms.

"I love you." Olivia choked out over come with emotions as she kissed Alex's sweat covered brow. "And Madeline Rose I have been dying to meet you."

"She's perfect isn't she?" Alex asked as she finally found her voice.

"Yes she is." Olivia whispered as she stroked the baby's cheek. "Just like her mother."


	43. Alex's Desire

It had been almost two years since Madeline Rose had been born and Olivia couldn't be happier. Her life had changed so much. Now she made sure no matter what she was home to put Madeline down, even if she had to go back to work. She was determine that no matter what she would be there every night.

Alex's life had changed to. She spent the first year as a stay at home mom but after being out of work for so long she decided she needed to do something. She started working for a Victim's Action League where her vast fortune was coming in handy. She used it to subsidize their funds when needed. Luckily her job allotted for flexibility so she never had to miss anything when it came to Madeline.

It was nearing Madeline's second birthday when Alex started to feel as if something was missing in her life. At first she wasn't sure what it was. She had everything any woman could want. A beautiful wife who loved her no matter what, a beautiful daughter who was the spitting image of herself, and a career that challenged her the way she needed. What more could a woman want?

Then one day when she was with Madeline at the park it hit her. She wanted to have a second child. Not just any child she wanted to carry Olivia's child. She wanted to have a little Olivia running around the house the same as she had a mini version of herself. The only problem would be convincing Olivia. Not of having another child because she knew Olivia would agree. Hell Olivia would agree if she said let's move out of state if that would make Alex happy. It was getting her to agree to use her egg and to carry her genes on. Something that Olivia had been very adamant about not doing since they discussed children.

As Alex watched Madeline play she began to devise her plan on how to get her way. It would require a lot of convincing on her part, maybe even just a few batting of the eyes and little bribing too. She quickly called her mother and started the plan in motion. When she left the park she would drop Madeline off with her parents and then set out to make Olivia a night she would never forget.

"Where are my two favorite women?" Olivia called out as she entered the door and stopped short when she saw Alex.

Alex stood in the door way leading to the kitchen in a tank top and pair of tight blue jeans. Her hair was flowing freely and she was wearing those black glasses. The sight of her sent a pool of wetness between her legs and her heart racing.

"Please tell me Madeline is not here?" Olivia husked out as she advanced toward Alex like a predator going for its prey.

"She's with my mother" Alex responded as she wrapped her arms around Olivia.

That was all Olivia needed to hear as she brought her lips to Alex's in a crushing kiss. It amazed her that after almost ten years of marriage how much she still wanted the woman I her arms. All she ever heard was after five years everything started to die off. Not for them. It only seemed to get better as the years progressed.

"Smart woman" Olivia husked before assaulting Alex's neck.

Alex moaned as Olivia began licking and sucking her way down to her collar bone. God the things this woman could do.

"I have dinner ready for you." Alex moaned out as she ran her fingers through Olivia's short hair.

"I have what I want right here." Olivia whispered before gently biting Alex's earlobe.

"Is that so."

"Yes ma'am" Olivia said as she picked Alex up and carried her to the bedroom.

"Olivia I want to talk to you about something." Alex said almost an hour later basking in the glow of their love making and wrapped securely in Olivia's arms.

"What is it Blondie?" Olivia asked as she trailed her hand up and down Alex's back.

"I want to have another baby." Alex whispered biting her lower lip.

"O.k. when do you want to start trying again?"

"Well." Alex began as she raised her head up to look at Olivia "Here's the thing. I want to carry your child."

"Alex no."

"Why not?"

"You know my genes. No child deserves to have those. I refuse to pass them on."

"Look at how great you turned out. It will be no different for our child."

"You don't know that Alex." Olivia said as she started to stand.

"YES I do" Alex said as she sat up in the bed. "With two loving parent to show them right from wrong. They will not become your mother or your father."

"There's no way to know that and it's not a chance I'm willing to take." Olivia said as she slid a robe on and started to walk to the door.

"Well its one I want to take." Alex said infuriated with Olivia.

"If you want another child go for it honey. I support you on it and will make every trip with you as before. Please don't ask me to carry a child and pass my genes on."

"That's the thing Olivia." Alex said as she grabbed her to stop her from walking on.

"I'm not asking you to carry the child. I want to carry our child again. I just want your egg that's all."

"Why my egg? What's so important about using my egg?"

"Because I want a child that resembles you. We already have a mini me as you call her now I want a mini you. Hell I want a house full of little Olivia's."

"Alex."

Alex smiled when she heard how Olivia said her name. She knew she was winning a battle that she desperately wanted to win.

"Please baby." Alex pleaded.

"Is it that important to you to have my child?"

"Yes and if I could find a way to mix our DNA so we would have the perfect combination of us I would."

"I just don't know." Olivia said as she pulled away from Alex and leaned against the railing.

"See I do" Alex whispered as she wrapped her arms around her trembling wife "Because I know the type of person our child will be. A kind, loving, dedicated, faithful, and beautiful person just like you are. Honey if it bothers you that bad I will drop it ok."

Olivia stared deep into her wife's eyes and knew she was telling the truth. If she wanted to push the issue she would be pulling all the low blows of batting her eyes like she usually did. Not that she had to. What Alex wanted Olivia made damn sure she got. She just liked to watch Alex flirt with her.

"I just can't see having a kid with my genes. The chances are too great." Olivia finally whispered before walking off.


	44. Coming to Terms

**A/N: To everyone who has reviewed and alerted this story thank you so much. **

* * *

><p>"Hey El can I ask you a question?" Olivia asked the following morning. She had spent most of the night in her *man cave* afraid to face Alex. For the first time ever she didn't give Alex what she wanted. The disappointment and madness was written all over her face even though she tried to hide it.<p>

"Sure what is it?" He asked looking up from the DD5 he was filling out.

"Let me buy you lunch." Olivia said looking around the squad room not wanting to discuss what she wanted to in a full room.

"You got." Elliot said as he stood never one to turn down a free meal.

"So want to tell me what this is about?" Elliot asked after they had placed their orders at their favorite deli.

"I need your advice."

"What about?"

"Alex wants to have a second child."

"You don't"

"No its not that." Olivia said as the waitress placed their food in front of them.

"What's the problem?"

"She wants to use one of my eggs."

"Ok so I still don't see the problem." Elliot said with a mouth full of food.

"Elliot think about half my genes are alocholic and the other half is a rapist. No child deserves that."

"Olivia stop downing yourself like that. You turned out wonderful. It doesn't matter what your genes are. You should know that. How many people have we collared came from good loving family with no criminal history? Numerous yet their son is a rapists. It doesn't matter."

"But it runs a higher risk. Remember that case when the scientist proved the violent gene. People who's family history has violence in it is higher to receive. Rape is pretty violent."

"How quick did Huang knock that down. He proved that it was fake."

"I don't know."

"I do." Elliot said as he placed his hand over hers "Do it. Let Alex carry your child."

"Why not do it like before."

Elliot shook his head. He loved his partner to death but there was times she could be so dense.

"Because she wants to give you the greatest gift ever. Your own child. She wants to deepen the love and connection you two have. There's nothing like looking into the eyes of a child that looks like you. One that your wife carried and delivered for you. This will be as much for you as for her. She wants to give you the greatest gift. A child of you own."

"I'm scared." Olivia finally admitted

"I've had five children now and every time Kathy tells me she's pregnant I'm terrified. it's a normal reaction."

"Yeah but Kathy's not asking for your eggs." Olivia said laughing.

"Thank god." Elliot said joining in on the laughter "But on a serious note let Alex do this. This will be more for you than her. She wants to give you the greatest gift of all."

"I'll think about."

"Alex" Olivia called out as she entered the house.

"In the kitchen"

Olivia smiled as she walked into the kitchen but stopped in her tracks when she saw Alex.

"What are those?"

"Donors." Alex said as she smiled at Olivia.

"Oh."

"Olivia you said last night you support me getting pregnant again just not with your egg. Please tell me you haven't changed your mind."

Olivia felt her throat constrict when she heard the pain in Alex's voice. She could see in her face how much she was hurting and the redness of her eyes that she tried to hide. One thing was for sure she needed to be taken out back and beaten for that.

"I have." Olivia said as she sat down and took Alex's hand in hers. "

Alex cast her eyes downward unable to look at Olivia

"I'm sorry for last night Alex. I'm so sorry."

"You didn't come to bed."

"I know. I couldn't take seeing the disappointment in your eyes. I've always given you what you wanted and for the first time last night I said no. I'm surprised your even talking to me."

"Liv" Alex said raising her head and looking at Olivia "Couples fight. Besides you've told me no before. You ordered me to quit my job remember. No matter how much we fight we always overcome it. Usually come out stronger than before the fight. This time will be no different."

"Your right and wrong there Blondie. We do come out stronger than before the fight but this time will be different."

"How?" Alex croaked out scared of what Olivia would say. There was no way Olivia could leave her. Maybe she was afraid Alex would leave her. "We can work past this and anything else that comes our way Liv. We always have and always will. It may take us a little time to get there but we can."

"Alex your confusing me now but I will let you explain in just a minute ok I need you to hear me out. Can you do that?"

Alex nodded preparing for the worse.

"I've thought about what you asked for. I'm terrified of passing these genes on, especially to a boy. The chance just seems to great to me but not to you. I think I understand the importance of this to you now. The fact that you want to do this for me is astounding. After all these years you still find ways to amaze me. I guess what I'm trying to say is that call the doctor tomorrow and schedule an appointment. Lets find out what we need to do for you to have my egg."

"Olivia" Alex said as she let the tears fall freely "are you sure."

"As sure as I was the day I married you."

Alex sprang into Olivia's arms and peppered her face in kisses while whispering thank you over and over again.

"Easy there Blondie" Olivia said with the laughter back in her voice. "Got to make sure nothing happens to my eggs."


	45. Tragedy

"Olivia can you please stop pacing." Alex said as her eyes followed her "Your making me a nervous wreck."

"I'm sorry I'm just scared" Olivia said as she ran her fingers through her hair.

"Honey its not the first time we've been through this."

"But it's the first time with my eggs. What if they are no good. What if you cant conceive with my eggs."

"If that's the case." Alex whispered as she motioned for Olivia to come to her "We will go back and use my eggs."

"I love you." Olivia whispered as she leaned down and kissed Alex.

"Ladies lets" The doctor started to say as she walked in but quickly stopped when she saw the two "Give you a few more minutes of privacy."

"No doc" Olivia pulled away blushing "Come on in."

"You ladies sure"

"Yes please."

"I wish most of my patients showed half the love that you two have for each other."

"What can say" Alex said beaming up at Olivia "We're soul mates.

"You ready to here your results?" the doctor asked opening Alex's medical file.

"Yes" Olivia said suddenly scared to death of what she was about to hear.

"Ladies." She said as she looked up from the file "congratulations on baby number two."

"Really?" Olivia asked shocked.

"Yes."

"We're having a baby" Olivia whispered as she caressed Alex's face "You're having my baby."

Alex smiled as tears flowed from her eyes. At that moment Olivia fully understood why she wanted to carry her child.

"We will start setting you up on regular appointments and here are the prenatal vitamins that you were on with Madeline. Other than that that's it for this visit." The doctor said as she ripped the prescription off the pad and handed it to Olivia. "I will see you ladies in four weeks."

Olivia waited until the door was closed before turning toward Alex. She helped her down off the exam table before dropping to her knees. She placed her hands on either side of Alex's belly and slowly kissed it.

"Hey baby girl I'm your momma and I want you to know that I will always be here for you. I love you so much already."

Alex's throat constricted as Olivia whispered to their unborn child. It was the little things like this that had Alex falling in love with her over and over again. She ran her fingers through Olivia's hair as she beamed down at her.

Olivia looked up at her wife when she felt her hands through her hair. The love shining through the blue eyes looking down on her was astounding. God she would move heaven and earth for her.

-xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx-xxxxxxxx-

"How far along is Alex now?" Elliot asked as he pulled the perp up off the ground that he kicked about ten feet off of Olivia.

"Six months why?"

"Because you keep pulling stunts like this you are going to send her into early labor." Elliot said as he extended his hand and helped her to her feet.

"Just doing my job"

"I'll make sure to tell Alex and your unborn child that at your funeral. Stop taking unnecessary risks like just now."

"Yes boss."

"I mean it Liv. If we have five extra cars at a scene there's no need to go in first or take off with out someone with you. You do it again and I'll break the code."

"You wouldn't"

"Try me."

Olivia was about to respond when she heard someone calling her name. She spun around to see Captain Cragen at a dead run towards her.

"I'm ok Capt." Olivia said holding her hands up to stop him "Just going to be bruised."

"I'm grateful that but Alex just called."

One look at Cragen's face told her something was wrong.

"What is it?"

"They just rushed her to Mercy. Something is wrong with the baby."

That was all Olivia needed to hear to take off at a dead run. She grabbed the first uniformed officer she came to and pulled him with her.

"Which car is yours?" She asked stopping to look at him.

"That one detective." He said pointing at a car that was not blocked.

"Good give me your keys and catch a ride with someone else." She ordered.

With out thinking twice he handed her the keys and stepped back as she took off for his car. He had never see someone in his six years on the job be able to take off in a car that they were half way in.

"Alexandra Cabot-Benson's room?" Olivia said flashing her badge at the nurse behind the counter.

"Down the hall third door on the left."

"Thank you." Olivia said as she took off in the direction. She wasted no time stopping to gather self. She busted right through the door and was by Alex's side in seconds.

"Sorry it took so long to get here." Olivia said as she tried to catch her breath and calm her wife at the same time.

"Did you get the perp?"

Olivia looked at Alex confused. Here she was in the hospital with complications with their child and she wanted to know if she got the perp.

"The cut on your face that is still bleeding and the fact that your shirt is torn." Alex answered her confused look.

"Yeah. Now what the doctor say?"

"I lost it."

"What?"

"I lost the baby. By the time I got here he had no heart beat. I'm schedule to go in and have a D&C in two hours."

"Baby" Olivia whispered as she pulled her to her.

"I'm so sorry." Alex said as she broke down for the first time since hearing the devastating news a few minutes ago. The doctor had asked if she wanted to wait for Olivia but she had no clue how long she would be or if Don would be able to get ahold of her right away. She chose to sit there and listen to the doctor tell her how the cord wrapped around the baby's neck causing him to suffocate to death by herself. Something that she wish she hadn't done nor heard.

"Its ok" Olivia whispered as she let her tears fall with Alex's.

"I failed you."

"NO you didn't" Olivia said pulling back to look at Alex. "You have never failed me and never will."

"It was your child." Alex said as she looked away.

"Honey it was our child." Olivia said lovingly as she pulled Alex's face back to look at her. "We lost our child. Can you tell me what happened or would you like me to ask the doctor?"

"The cord wrapped around his neck and suffocated him." Alex sobbed out.

Olivia pulled Alex to her and rubbed her back to try to soothe her even though she knew nothing would help. What she wouldn't give to trade places with Alex at that moment.

"Mrs. Benson its time" The nurse said as she entered to take Alex to the Operating room.

"Can I go?" Olivia asked as she helped Alex into the waiting wheelchair.

"I'm sorry not right now. It's pre-op but as soon as we get her in the room we can come get you."

"Thank you."

"Your welcome ma'am" She said as she rolled her wife out of the room.

Olivia had never felt as helpless as she did at that moment watching the love of her life being rolled away and knowing there was nothing she could do to help.


	46. Overcoming Tragedy

It had been almost five months since they lost the baby and so much had changed. Every time Olivia would reach for Alex she would pull away. She no longer wanted Olivia to hold her at night. When Alex thought Olivia was asleep she would hear her whisper how sorry that she was that she lost the baby. Olivia, who after the first few nights of trying to comfort Alex, would just lay there as the tears fell silently. Finally it became too much for Olivia and she decided to confront Alex.

"Alex can we talk?" Olivia asked as she reached for her.

"About?" Alex asked not bothering to look at Olivia but recoiling from her touch.

"The baby."

"There's nothing to say Olivia." Alex said as she turned to walk away but was stopped when Olivia grabbed her roughly and pulled her back to her.

"There is damn it." Olivia said softly as she raised Alex's face up so she could look into her eyes "I lost him too. I'm grieving too but you're shutting me out. I'm sorry it happened and if I could turn back time I would. I would carry him to prevent you from ever feeling this."

"No one should ever feel like I do."

"Your right its not fair but it happened. Please lets work past it, not forget him, but past it."

"How can you say that Olivia. I lost our child."

"DUE TO CIRCUMSTANCES BEYOND YOUR CONTROL." Olivia screamed at Alex "YOU DID NOTHING WRONG."

"I WORKED" Alex shouted back "LONG HOURS NOT GETTING ENOUGH REST."

"YOU" Olivia started to scream but to a deep breath to control herself "You think you working caused this?"

"How can you say I didn't?" I carried him in my stomach for six months. It was my responsibility to make sure I kept him safe and healthy. I didn't do that. Maybe it was because of the hours I worked. There were a lot of times I only got four hours sleep. Most of my meals during the day came from a card board box."

"Blondie that has nothing to do with it. I talked to the doctor while you were out from the D&C. He explained to me what happened. Remember how you said Jonas was always moving and kicking."

"Of course I do" Alex whispered as she placed her hands on her stomach.

"He was able to get the cord wrapped around his neck due to all his movements. At one point when her somersaulted as you always said, the cord circled his neck. The more he moved and flipped the tighter it got. It had nothing to do with you working or how you ate. It just happened."

"Thank you Liv but I will always feel like its my fault. Look, I didn't work with Madeline. She was perfectly healthy. Not one problem. I worked with Jonas and I lost him."

"That has nothing to do with it. Honey Melinda has a beautiful daughter. Was in the air force at the time she carried and delivered her. Working more hours than any of us could imagine. She left the air force and her and Marcus had tried to have another one. Three times she was pregnant and three times she lost the baby. She was a stay at home mom then. The thing is these things happen."

"Why us?" Alex asked the question that had been running through her mind since that day as she broke down. "Why us? We worked so hard."

Olivia pulled Alex into her arms and held her tight as she cried. Whispering over and over again that she couldn't explain it.

Finally after what seemed like forever Alex gained her composure and looked at Olivia. The pain and hurt she saw in Olivia's eyes tore her to pieces again. Olivia who had tried to do everything to make her feel better was suffering as much as she was.

"I'm sorry" Alex whispered as she wiped her tears away.

"Don't be" Olivia whispered "I'm here for you. You don't always have to be the strong one. I'm here for you to lean on."

"I know I just felt like such a failure to you not being able to carry your child. Especially after I worked so hard to convince you it would be ok."

"Alexandra Benson you will always be a loving caring, devoted, wife to me. An outstanding attorney and one hell of a victim's advocate but you have never and will never be a failure to me. I promise you I love you more at this moment then I have since the day I walked into the café to study. I could careless if you can never carry children again. As long as you and Madeline are by my side till I die. That's all that matters to me. All that will ever matter to me."

"I love you Olivia Benson." Alex whispered as she pulled Olivia in for a kiss.

Slowly through out the day Olivia and Alex was able to reconnect and come to an agreement that they needed counseling to work through everything. How she felt like Olivia was right about not having a child with her genetics when she lost the baby. That this was god's way of preventing her genes from being passed on.

Olivia finally let Alex know the pain she felt and how she felt it was her fault for Alex losing the baby. That she was not at home as much as she was with Madeleine and that left Alex to much burden to carry. That she too felt like it was god's way of preventing her from passing on her genes. That was until she watched Alex's stomach grow with their child inside made her rethink everything. That night for the first time in five months Alex allowed Olivia to hold her as they drifted off to sleep.

Throughout the next year Alex and Olivia attended counseling on a regular basis. With the help of counseling was able to overcome the loss of their child. Or at least as much as one person ever could. Things had gone back to normal. Alex was back to working with the Victim Action League and Olivia as always putting in to many hours at work.

As it neared Olivia's birthday Alex wanted to surprise Olivia. If anyone deserved an outstanding present it was Olivia. She just hoped that what she had planned wouldn't back fire and make Olivia mad. If so she would have to go beyond begging for forgiveness.


	47. Getaway

**A/N: I need to say thank you to one of my readers, Mini Olivia Benson. She was the one who installed this idea in my head. I know this chapter is short but it is the only place I could find a good break. Anyways I hope everyone enjoy's and as always revies are welcomed.**

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><p>"Hey Robert" Olivia said as she walked into the diner and up to the counter of where he was standing "how's business?"<p>

"Always booming" He answered as he looked at her funny "But I know you didn't come here to ask about the restaurant business."

"No sir I did not. I was wondering if you and Crystal wouldn't mind watching Madeline for me. I want to take Alex on a weekend get away just the two of us."

"Olivia you never have to ask. If we had our way we would keep her all the time."

"I know but I sometimes feel like we're dumping her on you."

"Nonsense. You both work long and hard hours and it is our pleasure to watch her."

"And spoil her to." Olivia said laughing.

"That is a grandparent's privilege and we love every minute of it. What time do we need to pick her up?"

"Friday when she gets out of school if you can?"

"We will make sure we are there."

"Again thank you so much." Olivia said as she turned to walk away.

"Olivia no need to thank us besides if there are two people in this world that deserves a weekend getaway it is you two."

Olivia smiled at Robert as she headed out the door. Now that phase one of her surprise getaway was done she had to move on to phase two. The most important part. Booking the cabin she had seen on line last week. She just prayed it was still available.

Two hours later Olivia sat at her desk going through the website she had found. She had reserved the cabin she wanted and arranged to have the weekend off starting on Thursday. She had called Alex's boss and fixed it to where she could pick her up at lunch and leave from there. The only thing left to do was find a way to pack without Alex discovering. The best she could come up with was wait until Alex had left and pack then. She just hoped she wouldn't forget anything since Alex loved to pack half the house when they went on trips no matter how small.

"Hey beautiful" Olivia said as she propped herself against Alex's door frame that following Friday "I'm here to take you out to lunch."

"I would love to but I'm swamped Liv." Alex said looking up from her paperwork "Maybe we can order in?"

"You can take an hour away." Olivia said as she walked in and helped Alex to her feet. "A fresh set of eyes may be what the paperwork needs."

Alex turned around and wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck and kissed her.

"Your wonderful you know that." She whispered.

"Only because you make me that way." Olivia whispered as she helped Alex into her coat.

Once outside Olivia held the car door opened for Alex who had a strange look on her face,

"Honey we can grab something from the deli around the corner."

"I have something else in mind."

Alex studied Olivia for a few minutes before getting into the car. Whatever she had planned she wasn't letting it show on her face. A down fall of being married to a cop.

Alex took in the sights around her until she noticed they were getting on the interstate.

"Liv, where are we going? I only have an hour."

"Actually Blondie you have all weekend. I talked to Mary on Monday and had it set up where you could leave at noon today and not expected back till Tuesday morning. I wanted to surprise you with a weekend getaway."

"I love you." Alex choked out as tears flooded her eyes and she entwined her hands with hers "but what about Madeline?"

"I love you too." Olivia whispered as she kissed the back of Alex's hand that she held "Your mom and dad is watching Madeline for us. Now why don't you lay back and relax till we arrive"

Alex laid back and allowed the hum of the car and the soft sounds coming from the radio to pull her into a much needed deep sleep.

"Beautiful" Olivia whispered into Alex's ear as she moved a piece of hair that had fallen across her eyes out of the way "We're here. Wake up."

Alex slowly opened her eyes and groaned at the intrusion of light. She tried to roll over but found herself restricted by the seatbelt.

"I'm so tired." Alex whined as she tried to cover her face.

"Honey if you want to sleep the weekend away be my guest. But you need to come inside to do that."

"Fine" Alex mumbled as she unbuckled her seatbelt and stepped out.

Olivia couldn't help but laugh at Alex's grumpiness. She had never been a person to wake up quickly or even nice for that matter. It always amazed her how she had managed to roll out of bed and meet the detectives on a moment's notice but any other time she need at least a good twenty minutes and five cups of coffee.

Olivia helped Alex into the cabin and into their bedroom before tucking her into the bed. Granted she did have more plans for this bed than watching Alex sleep but that could wait until she was rested. Lately it was as if Alex stayed exhausted and no amount of sleep was good enough for her. Something that was starting to worry Olivia.


	48. Revealing the truth

It was almost two hours before Alex woke up and found Olivia on the couch. Olivia who was watching a game on TV threw the cover back she was using and motioned for Alex to join her.

"Who's winning?" Alex asked as she snuggled into Olivia not realizing how much she missed this until now.

"Mets" Olivia answered as she pulled Alex tight against her. "I have your book here for you if you want it."

"Please" Alex said as she took the book from Olivia's hands. Olivia loved to watch baseball and Alex absolutely despised it. So whenever they were together and Olivia was watching the game she would just curl up in her lap and read her book.

"How was your nap? Olivia asked as she kissed the crown of Alex's head.

"It was good. I didn't realize I was so exhausted until the ride up here."

"Honey I think your trying to over extend yourself."

"This coming from the woman who will work 72 hours straight but make sure she's there every night to tuck our daughter in and every morning to wake her up."

"I give you that." Olivia said laughing "But please remember as a cop we train our bodies to run on four hours or less of sleep."

"How is that better than me burning my candle at both ends."

"I'm not sure counselor but I'll think of a reason later."

"I'm fine I promise. Now watch your game." Alex said as she turned her head and laid a kiss on Olivia's cheek.

"What do you want for dinner?" Olivia husked out as she nibbled her way down Alex's neck once the game was over.

"What are you in the mood for?" Alex moaned out.

"I was thinking you but I know you have got to be starving."

"Mmh" Alex moaned as she twisted in Olivia's arms so she was straddling her. "Anything you want in particular?"

"Nope, just you" Olivia said as she adjusted Alex on her lap so she could stand up.

Alex squealed and held onto Olivia tight when she jostled her around and stood up. She quickly wrapped her legs around Olivia's waist smiling when she heard a deep throated moan from her. After twelve years together one look from Olivia and her need for her far exceeded her need to breath.

"I love you Blondie." Olivia whispered as she held Alex tighter against her basking in the glow of their love making.

"Back at you detective." Alex sighed.

"Blondie what would you like to eat? I can through some sandwiches together or put some steaks on. Or if you prefer we could have a night out. Your choice."

"As much as a night on the town sounds great I would really rather just lay around here in my pajamas and be with you."

"That you shall have."

"Thanks."

"What my beautiful wife wants she gets you know that."

"You spoil me you know that."

"You deserve it since you put up with me and my wild ways."

"Boy are they wild." Alex said laughing "If your not a work your either having a drink with the guys or with me and Madeline. Much wilder and I'll have to put a tighter leash on you."

"Hey I can be wild." Olivia feigned hurt

"Oh I know you can be" Alex said as her voice dropped an octave and she raised her eyes to meet Olivia's "I love it when you are."

Olivia groaned as she pulled Alex on top of her.

"Be careful what you wish for you may just get it."

"No doubt there." Alex said as she nipped Olivia's lower lip.

Olivia growled as she flipped the two of them over in the bed. The love and desire that was evident in Alex's eyes made her heart skip a beat and her throat constrict. The same it had done since the first time they made love. Something that without a doubt in her mind would do till the day they died.

"Now, where are you trying to go?" Olivia asked as she pulled Alex tight to her preventing her from leaving the bed.

"Honey you need to let me go now." Alex said as she bolted from the bed and into the bathroom.

Olivia shot out of the bed and followed Alex into the bathroom. She knelt down next to Alex and held Alex's hair back and ran her hand up and down he back as she emptied the contents of her stomach into the bowl. Olivia was definitely making Alex an appointment first thing Monday morning no matter how mad she became with her.

"Come let me get you back in bed." Olivia whispered as she gently helped Alex to her feet when she was finished "When we get back on Monday I'll make an appointment with Dr. Smith for you."

"There's no need it will pass I promise." Alex groaned out as she relaxed onto the bed fighting a second bout of nausea.

"Honey you seem overly tired lately and now your throwing up. I heard you the other morning when I walked into the bedroom. By the time I made it to the bathroom you were at the sink like nothing happened. The look in your eyes told me not to ask any questions. So I didn't. Then the rest of the day you seemed fine so I figure it was something you ate."

"I'll be ok Olivia I promise."

"I'll feel better if you would at least get checked out. I know its probably some stomach virus Madeline brought home from school. Please just get check out."

"I will but.." Alex said as she looked away

"But what" Olivia whispered concerned.

"You're not going to need to make the appointment with D. Smith."

"Dr. Smith is your Primary Care Physician who else would you be checked out by?"

Alex smiled at her wife. To be one of the best detectives in the Special Victims Unit she sure could be slow at times. Especially in the home front.

"With Dr. Guzeman."

"Honey Dr. Guzeman is your OBGYN."

"I'm aware of that." Alex said with a smile across her face as she watched the realization come across Olivia's face.


	49. Talking it out

**A/N: I know its been a while since I updated and I am so sorry. Life gets in the way sometimes. I hope everyone enjoys this chapter. As always reviews are welcomed.**

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><p>"You're pregnant?" Olivia asked as she ran her hands along Alex's stomach.<p>

"I wanted it to be a surprise to you." Alex said as she became scared of Olivia's reaction "You're not to mad are you?"

"I am some." Olivia whispered "I've always been there for every step of the process. How did you…?"

"We still had some of your eggs left over from the last time we tried. I began treatments a little over three month ago using them. The first try was a failure but as you can guess the second time was a success. I haven't seen the doctor yet for confirmation but I took a pregnancy test this morning when I got to work and it came back positive."

"That's my baby?" Olivia asked still in shock over everything

"It is."

"My baby?"

"As in is it your DNA then yes. Whether it was or wasn't it's still your child."

Olivia stood and began pacing the floor while running her hands through her hair. Alex had went behind her back and gotten pregnant. She knew without a doubt that Alex didn't sleep with anyone but the fact she snuck around and did it was unnerving.

"How could you Alex? Why not just tell me that you were ready to try again."

"What part of I wanted this to be a surprise did you not get. I was scared you would say no after last time. Look the miscarriage almost destroyed us."

"But we came back from it like always. No matter what we always survive."

"We do" Alex said as she stood and walked to where Olivia was pacing "Will we survive this?"

The raw emotion in Alex's voice stopped Olivia in her tracks. That one sentence spoke volumes to her. How scared she was that she destroyed what they had.

"We will Alex" Olivia said with tears in her eyes as she pulled Alex to her "I'm just a little hurt. Don't get me wrong I'm thrilled to but I've never missed anything to do with our children."

"I just wanted to surprise you that's all I promise. I wasn't trying to sneak behind your back or anything like that."

"I know." Olivia whispered as a smile began to creep along her face "So this is my baby?'

"Yes. Who else's would it be?"

"I know but"

"But what?"

"What if it happens again? What if we lose this baby to?"

"Starting Monday I'm only working half days for three days a week until I finish the project we are working on. That should take about another three weeks. Then after that I'm taking a leave of absence. The only strenuous thing from then on out I will be doing is taking care of a house for you and our daughter."

"Not even that if I can help it."

"I know you think your superwoman but honey you can't do it all." Alex said laughing as the tension started to leave the room.

"I can try."

"Just to let you know you will always be my superwoman."

Olivia had to laugh hearing, Alex, the woman who had done it all say that. Granted it was probably the cheesiest line she ever heard but hearing it come from her lips meant the world to her.

"Does anyone else know?" Olivia asked a few hours later as she cleaned the kitchen from their impromptu dinner.

"Know that I'm pregnant?"

"Yeah."

"Stud I may have kept it from you but you would have been the first told no matter what."

"I'm glad." Olivia whispered as she wrapped her arms around her wife from behind and placed her hands on her stomach.

"Are you ok with this?" Alex asked hesitantly as she entwined her fingers through Olivia's and leaned back against her.

"I am." Olivia whispered into her neck "I'm just scared."

"About?"

"What if it happens again? We both know and understand that it was a complete accident but in the back of my mind I can't help but wonder if that was god's way of saying I shouldn't pass on my genes. I wouldn't be so worried if you had used your eggs instead of mine again.'

Alex swallowed hard . She couldn't believe she was about to ask the question she was about to ask.

"Would you prefer I had an abortion and go back in a few months to try with my eggs instead of yours?"

"WHAT?" Olivia screamed as she tried her best to reel her anger back in. "How dare you ask that?"

"Because you seem uncertain of us having this baby?"

"Because I'm terrified. Because this time it could be worse. I could lose you and our child. I know without a doubt that I won't be able to handle that."

"Liv" Alex whispered as she spun around in her arms truly understanding Olivia's fear for the first time "I understand how you feel. I have that same fear every morning when I watch you getting dressed for work. It hits me full force as I watch you clip your holster on. And when I kiss you good bye I have to wonder if it will be the last time. None of which I or you can control. We just have to take it day by day, like we do every day"

"I know Blondie, I know."

"So lets not jump ahead until we have to. I'm already preparing to take extra precautions this time. In three weeks I will be a stay at home wife and mother. As I get closer to my due date I'm going to be extra cautious."

"I don't doubt that, but it doesn't ease my fears."

"It doesn't ease mine either but how about I make you a deal."

"What's that?"

"If for some reason we lose this baby we look into adoption."

"Is that something you would consider?"

"I would but only if your fine with it."

"I had often thought about it but you seemed so adamant about us having a child with our genes that I never brought it up."

"I wanted at least one to carry on our genes and we have that in Madeline. I am more than open to adopting."

"Have I told you lately how incredible you are?" Olivia asked as she peppered Alex's neck with kisses.

"Not in a few hours" Alex moaned out "How about you show me again."

"It will be your pleasure" Olivia husked as she whisked Alex into her arms and carried her into the bedroom.


	50. shocking News

**A/N: I know its been a while since I've updated or written anything and I am so sorry about that. Not only has my life been hectic but I seemed to have lost my inspiration for writing. Now thanks to a much needed vacation and a meeting with a very sweet and beautiful woman my inspiration for writing has returned.**

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><p>It had been almost five months since that weekend in the cabin when Alex had told Olivia she was pregnant. Alex had remained true to her word and with in a month she was a stay at home wife and mother. The most strenuous thing she had done for the last four months, since Olivia had hired a cook and maid, was drive to pick Madeline up from school every afternoon and sit at the table and help her with the homework.<p>

Olivia had made several changes in her career herself. She had took the Sergeants exam and passed. A month ago she had received her stripes and somewhat set hours. Since making sergeant she was no longer called out in the middle of the night and no longer worked for days on end without coming home. Most mornings she left by seven and was home a little after six.

Alex could count on one hand how many times Olivia had worked for days on in once she received her stripes. As much as Alex missed having her home she understood the need to be there. Not only for the victim but for herself to. Olivia was the type of cop that if she didn't work she would "die". She needed to be on the scene and working herself to the bone to survive. So when Olivia had called and begged for forgiveness for having to work through the night Alex quickly dismissed Olivia's fears and hung the phone up smiling. At least for the next few months she wouldn't be wound up like a wildcat in a cage.

Although as Alex watched Olivia pace the room she knew there would be no amount of extended work hours to calm her. Today they sat in their OBGYN office for a regular appointment and just like in the past when it came times to hear the heart beat or discover the sex of the baby Olivia was nervous as could be.

"Come here stud.' Alex whispered in a soothing voice.

Olivia was by Alex's side in one stride.

"What is it baby? What's wrong?"

"Your making me nervous' Alex whispered as she leaned forward the best she could to kiss Olivia "I would appreciate it if you would sit down.'

Olivia nodded as she ran her hand through her hair for the umpteenth time and pulled a chair to Alex's side. As always when she was near Alex her hands went to Alex swollen stomach and began to rub circles on it. Just as Olivia was starting to relax the door opened and Dr. Guzeman walked in.

"Are you ladies ready to see your baby?' She asked as she set the file down on the counter and pulled some gloves on.

"We are." Olivia choked out.

Dr. Guzeman smiled at the two women as she spun around. In all the years she had practiced she had never met a couple that truly seemed more in love with each other than the last time she saw them. If ever there was a marriage that could withstand anything it had to be theirs.

"This will be cold." guzeman said as she shook the bottle that had the gel in it and squirted it onto Alex's stomach. She turned the ultrasound machine on and began moving it around on Alex's stomach.

"Do we have a preference ladies?"

"A healthy baby that's all we want.' Olivia muttered her eyes glued to the screen before her.

"The heartbeat is nice and healthy and it looks like Maddie will have baby brother to play with."

"A boy we're having a boy." Alex choked out as tears began to stream down her face.

'It is a boy and.." Dr. Guzeman started to say but stopped quickly.

"And what?" Olivia asked trying to keep the panic to a minimum.

'And it looks like you two will have double trouble.'

"Double trouble?" Olivia asked looking at Alex.

'Twins." Guzeman answered as she looked at the two women "You are having twin boys."

"Twins" Alex sobbed out before Olivia pulled her tight against her. "We're having twins?'

"Yes"

"You sure your ready for two mini me's?" Olivia asked as she finally let the tears fall from her eyes. There was no hiding the pride and love she had for her wife or unborn children.

"I'm ready to handle a house full of mini you as you put it." Alex whispered.

"ladies it looks like both babies are on track and healthy. I'm not going to restrict you on anything yet but in a few months I want you to lessen your work load and prepare to be at home for about two to three months before birth."

"No need doctor I've stopped working almost five months ago. I don't want a repeat of last time."

'I will have Anna bring in all the paperwork you need and your prescription for pre-natal vitamins." Dr. Guzeman said as she stood and removed her gloves. "Any questions or concerns you know how to reach me."

Both ladies nodded their heads never once taking their eyes off each other. Dr. Guzeman quietly exited the room instructing Anna they were done but to give the ladies a few minutes before entering.

"You ok with twins?' Alex asked

"I'm pretty sure I don't have an option now.' Olivia chocked out laughing.

'Guess you have a point."

"Twins huh. Two boys like me running around."

"The women will never be safe again." Alex said laughing.

"What do you mean by that?" Olivia asked with a gleam in her eyes.

"What I mean is if they're half the sweet talking Casanova you are there will be no safe women in New York."

'Never heard you complain before" Olivia whispered before kissing Alex.

"You never will as long as I'm the only one on the receiving end of that smooth talking mouth of yours."

"I guess that means when I leave here I have to call all my other women and tell them I can't be with them anymore." Olivia said trying her best to sound as serious as she could but unable to hide the laughter in her voice.

"Unless they want to share you with a crazy ex-wife who gets two thirds of your paycheck I would recommend it."

"Well damn." Olivia whispered "I'll call them tonight and cancel."

"That would be the smart thing to do.' Alex said with a twinkle in her eye as she grabbed Olivia's belt and pulled her to her.


	51. the Birth

"Benson" Olivia said as she answered her phone annoyed for the intrusion it was causing.

"Momma"

"Madeline whats wrong?" Olivia asked when she heard the panic in her voice.

"I had to call the ambulance for mom and she said to call you too."

"Put the phone on speaker" Olivia ordered as she jumped from her seat and started for the door.

Stabler quickly followed behind hoping that they weren't having a repeat of the last time. He knew there was no way Olivia would survive them losing another child.

"Hey stud" Alex said while gritting her teeth of the pain.

"What's wrong?" Olivia asked while silently praying that everything was going to be ok.

"Apparently the boys want to grace us a little early. My water broke."

"I'll meet you at the hospital." Olivia said as she exhaled the breath she had been holding and her body slumped with relief.

"I'll drive" Elliot said as he ushered her into the elevator.

"The boys are fine they just ready to get here."

"Welcome to having twins. They come when they want to. I know mine was born three weeks early."

"El I don't care when they come as long as they are healthy."

Elliot smiled at her and simply nodded. After years of working together they no longer needed words to communicate. A simple look or touch was all they needed now days. Because of their connection they had established both their wives called them their work wife/husband.

"Detective Benson" A nurse said that recognized her from her interactions with cases "if you follow me I can take you to your wife."

"Thank you." Olivia said following right on her heels. "Has the doctor seen her yet? Are the babies ok? Is she in any pain?"

"Detective just relax. The birthing process can take a while and sometimes with twins a c-section is needed. The best thing you can do is remain calm for Mrs. Benson. I know it can be scary your first time."

"Its not our first time" Olivia said laughing realizing what she sounded like "We have a daughter."

"Oh ok well the doctor is in with her now." The nurse said stopping at a door and motioning her to enter.

"That looks like that may be our only option." Dr. Guzman was saying as Olivia entered the room.

"Whats our only option? Whats wrong?" Olivia asked no longer trying to hide the panic she felt.

"Apparently when my water broke one of the babies slid down and blocked the birth canal preventing me from giving birth so now I have to have a C-section."

"When?"

"We're preping an or room now. A nurse will be in shortly to take her to the prep room. She will be awake for the procedure. We will give her a block so she wont feel anythign other than slight pressure. Depending on how the babies are they may or may not have to spend time in nicu. Considering they are only two weeks early then they shouldn't have to unless we missed something on an ultrasound."

"Can I be in there?"

"Absolutely"

"Dr. Guzman room three is ready." A nurse already dressed in scrubs said as she peeked through the door.

"This is it ladies are you two ready to meet your sons."

"Since the day she told me" Olivia said as she squeezed Alex's hand.

"Ma'am if you will come with me I will get you prepped for the C-section. You will only be away from your wife for about ten minutes." The nurse said noticing the look on Olivia's face "I promise the only thing you will be missing is Alex being hooked up to monitors and rubbed down with iodine."

"lets make this quick" Olivia said as she followed the team of nurses that was moving Alex from the room.

In less than ten minutes Olivia was positioned by Alex's head in a rolling stool. There was a mirror positioned so Alex could watch the birth if she chose to. There was two incubators with a team of nurses and specialists standing by if they were needed.

"Ok Alex your going to feel some pressure and maybe a slight tearing sensation. That's just me cutting into your abdomen. Once I've made the incision the first boy will be born within five minutes and the second one will follow in about the same time ok."

"Ok" both ladies said together as the doctor went to work. True to her word in less than five minutes after she made the incision She pulled the first baby free from Alex. The best sound that both ladies had ever heard was his first cry.

"Olivia would you like to cut the cord?"

Olivia nodded and reached with shaking hands for the scissors that was offered to her. Following the direction of the nurse Olivia cut the cord as a sob escaped her mouth. Once the cord was cut he was wisked away to a waiting team to be checked.

"how is he?"

"Perfect like his mother." Olivia whispered her voice full of emotion.

"Thank god." Alex cried.

"Here comes baby number two." Dr. Guzman said pulling the second baby from Alex. Within seconds of being out he let out a sharp cry. Olivia once again cut the cord with shaking hands before he was handed off to the second team that was waiting.

"Liv?"

"He's perfect to baby. Just perfect." Olivia whispered as she leaned down and kissed her wife. "I love you so much."

"I love you to."

"Ma'am we have the weight and everything on the first boy if you would like to know now or wait for the information of the second one."

"Tell us now please?" Alex said.

"He is four pounds, eight ounce and nineteen inches long. He is in great health. We will take him to the Nicu for the night to watch over him. His weight is low but that is to be expected with twins."

"Can I see him there?"

"Absolutely these armbands will match you to your sons. Do not remove them. If you do not have it on then we will call security and the police. Do you understand?"

"We do."

"Good" The nurse said as she placed the band on both women. Now Do you have a name for him yet?"

"We do. He is Andrew James Cabot-Benson."

"Very well thank you." The nurse said as she returned to the incubator that had Andrew in it and whisked it from the room.

"Ma'am what about our other son?" Olivia asked looking over at where he was.

"he is doing great too. He is twenty inches long and five pounds three ounces. It looks like he was the one taking all the nutrients. The same thing applies with him as baby boy 1."

"We understand."

"Do you have a name for him also?"

"Yes he is Jonathan Robert Cabot-Benson."

"Very well you will be able to see both in about three hours. If they do well through out the night we will bring them to your room in the morning."

"Thank you ma'am" Olivia whispered as she watched her son ushered from the room the same as before.

"We did it." Alex choked out as she reached for Olivia "We have two healthy baby boys."

Olivia smiled down at Alex as she intertwined their fingers never in her life did she think she would be where she was at that moment. A successful career, a loving wife, and now three beautiful healthy children.


	52. Madeline

**A/N: I long awaited update I know and I beg for forgiveness. Life is truly not cooperating with me wanting to write. This took an opposite direction of what I was thinking and what you are accustomed to me writing. I hope you enjoy and as always reviews are welcomed.**

The next six weeks seemed to go by in a blur to Olivia. The only thing she knew for sure was that everything she had read about twins was a lie. Andrew and Jonathan was not in sync. When one was awake and wanting to be fed the other was sound asleep. If by chance they were both awake and fussy placing them in the same crib didn't work either. It was as if they both wanted their own space now that they were no longer confined in Alex's womb. Olivia's best guess was that all the kicking and punching they were doing throughout the pregnancy was actually them fighting each other not stretching as they had thought.

Alex could instantly spot the difference between the two babies. It was almost as if they were night and day. Granted they both had Olivia's hair and eye color but what set them apart were their grins. Andrew had the same self assured cocky grin that Olivia had. The one that stole Alex's heart and was reserved for Alex only. He also seemed to get the same look of determination that Olivia often had on her face. Jonathan on the other hand always seemed to have a carefree smile cross his face and his features stayed relaxed all the time. It was almost as if he was the relaxed carefree version that Olivia never had a chance to be.

Since the babies seemed to be taking up so much of each of their time they each set a day aside to spend it with Madeline. The last thing they wanted was for her to feel left out because of the boys. Alex's day with Madeline was usually spent shopping, hair appointments, and other such things that held no interest to Olivia. On the other hand Olivia would take Madeline to, games, self defense classes and on occasion the shooting range. One thing was for certain when it came to handling a gun Madeline was a natural. Most days she would score as high as Olivia would if not higher when she qualified yearly.

"Have you given any thought to what you want to do when you're older?" Olivia asked Madeline as they settled at a table with monster burgers and fries.

"I want to join the Army."

"The Army?"

"Yeah, They will pay for my education and I can receive on the job training. After I have served my time with them I was thinking about following in your footsteps and working for NYPD."

"Sweetie you do know that you don't have to join the military to pay for college. We have your college tuition more than paid for."

"I know mom but I want to earn it myself. Isn't that what you did?"

"I received a discount on my tuition because your grandmother worked for the college. Everything else was covered by a scholarship."

"I'm doing good in school and I know can get all type of scholarships but I would rather join the Army and go to school that way."

"I'm not thrilled about you joining the Army or thinking about NYPD but that just being a parent. As a parent you want your child to out do you and follow in a different path than you did. But at the same time it is always a great honor to have them follow in your footsteps. That means we did something right."

"You and mom have raised me right don't ever worry about that."

"I can see that. I'm very proud of you Maddy."

"Thank you mom. Now that we have brought this up I want to ask you something."

"Honey you can ask either one of us anything at anytime. There's never a need to wait till we bring something up."

"I wasn't sure how to start the conversation."

"I understand that believe me. Now what do you want to know?"

"You know I start seventh grade next year."

Olivia nodded as she took a sip of her drink. Silently she was praying it was stronger because she was afraid of what she was about to be asked.

"Anyways, there is a private high school I would like to attend."

Olivia did her best not to choke as she swallowed her drink.

"You want to go to a private school?"

"This one yes."

"What school and why."

"New York Military Academy and it will help me progress in my career in the Army. I have done all the research on it. For seventh and Eighth grade I can be a day cadet but from ninth grade on I will have to live on campus. From there I can either join the Army directly as an E3 or go on to a college that has an Army ROTC program and join the Army as a 2nd lieutenant."

"Would you happen to know how much this school cost?"

"That's the part your going to hate. It's $15,000 for the first two years and then goes up to $36,000 when I stay on campus."

"A semester."

"I know its expensive. Plus you have to buy the books, all needed supplies, and there's some extra fees depending on what extra-curricular activities I do. Mom I really want this I can get a job and help the best I can with the fees."

"Honey relax we are far from hurting for money. I know you know your grandparents have money but sweetheart we do to. We just never raised you to be a spoiled rotten rich brat. Your mom, actually we, have more money then what we really know what to do with. The second you were born an account was opened for you to cover your college it has $250,000 in it. Your tuition is covered for the school."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Then I will directly join the Army and have them pay for my college that way you won't have to."

"Only if you want to. If you want to go on to college we will just dip into the trust fund and pay your college tuition. Believe me Madeline we can and will cover all your tuitions."

"Thank you mom." Madeline said as she flung herself into Olivia's arms. "I really want to do this. This is what I want my career to be."

"Honey if this is what you want me and your mom will support you 150 percent. We're not going to like our baby girl living away from home but we support you."

"Mom I'm going to be an hour away."

"Which is a lifetime to us."

"How are we going to tell mom?"

"I have no clue but let me talk to her first and then I will have you come in and explain everything to her. She is still on an emotional rollercoaster from having AJ and JR."

"Deal" Madeline said as she fell into step with Olivia and started to walk to the car.


	53. Alex's discussion

**A/N: I am back. I am so sorry it has taken me so long to get back to writing. To everyone that has sent me messages thank you so much. I hope everyone enjoy's this chapter. As always reviews are welcomed.**

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><p>"How was your day with Maddie?" Alex asked as Olivia walked into the office at their house and flopped down in the chair.<p>

"Umm it was interesting to say the least."

"Interesting how?"

"Wait to hear me out before you fly off the handle ok." Olivia said as she leaned forward and ran her hand through her hair. It was now longer than it she ever kept it and she was starting to show slight gray along her temples.

"Don't tell me she has a boyfriend."

"No not a boyfriend."

"She's gay." Alex asked as she leaned back in the chair "You thought I would get mad at our daughter because she's gay."

"No and I think that would be a little hypocritical if you were. But I don't think you're going to like her chosen career path that's for sure."

"Just tell me." Alex sighed

"She wants to join the military, particularly the army, and after she's done some time there she wants to follow in my footsteps at NYPD."

"WHAT?"

"This is where you need to remain calm.'

"CALM HELL my daughter is not joining the military. I hope to god you put a stop to it instantly."

"I support her one hundred percent."

"Why didn't you stop it?"

"Simple Alex." Olivia said as she stood and approached Alex "We have always told her we would support no matter what. She has a square head on her shoulder and everything thought out."

"How is that?"

"She wants us to enroll her in the New York Military Academy. For her seventh and eighth grade she will be a day cadet. Starting her ninth year she will be living on campus till she graduates. From there she can either enroll in a college that has an ROTC program and join the Army as a second lieutenant or go straight into the military and join as an E3."

"And you agreed to this."

"Yes."

"Olivia Benson what the hell were you thinking. There is no way I will ever let my daughter live at a private school, much less a military private school."

"Alex we either support her on this or she turns eighteen joins anyhow and we never see or hear from her again. You choose."

"What?"

"She is determined for this to be her career. She has even gone so far as to research the school, the cost, and her choices. If we deny her this now then she will enlist at eighteen. She is as stubborn and hard headed as you ever were. This can either work with us or against us."

"How do you figure that?"

"We can hope that enrolling her in this school will derail her thoughts about the military and she chooses a nice safe career or it will help her advance in her career and hopefully it won't be as hard on her as it will be if we don't."

"Do you really think it would detour her?"

"With the determination I saw in her eyes I seriously doubt it. She has your determination with my stubbornness. That is not a good combination."

"I will not argue with you there that is for sure. Where is Maddie now?"

"With the boys."

"Call her in here and let's discuss this school and career choice that she has chosen."

"Keep your cool though Alexandra." Olivia said before walking out of the office in search of Maddie. She silently prayed that Alex would use her courtroom demeanor while discussing the school with Maddie and not lose her cool.

"Maddie" Olivia whispered as she entered the boy's room and saw her on the floor playing with her brothers "I've talked to your mom and she would like you to come downstairs and talk to her about it."

"How mad is she?"

"I'll be honest she's not thrilled about you choosing the military but that comes more from the fear of losing you than anything. She is willing to listen to what you have to say and discuss everything. That is a start."

"Hey mom"

"Yeah baby"

"Do you mind if I talked to mom alone. I know you will give her a look or have one of your silent discussions if she starts in and you want to stop her. Let me fight this battle with mom please."

Olivia took a deep breath in and exhaled slowly. The pride she felt at that moment was overwhelming her. It was times like this that she knew they did everything right when it came to Maddie. She simply nodded scared if she spoke her voice would crack and she would break down.

Maddie quickly hugged Olivia before she ran off down the stairs to have what she figured would be the battle of a lifetime.

"Hey mom." Maddie almost whispered as she entered Alex's office.

"Hey Maddie please come in and sit down." Alex said as she shuffled some papers around "Please tell me all about your military decision."

Maddie took a deep breath and sat across from her mother. She knew it was a now or never.

"I want to join the Army. To help me with that there is a private military school about an hour from here that I would like to attend. For seventh and eighth grade I would be a day cadet and from ninth grade till graduation I will live on campus. From there I can join the Army as an E3 or go to a college with a ROTC program and enter after college as a 2nd lieutenant. If I join the Army before going to college I can use the GI Bill to pay for my tuition and student loans if needed."

"I'm glad you are thinking ahead for your future but please understand we have the money to cover your tuition to any college you want to go to. If college tuition is why you plan on joining the Army please understand you don't have to."

"I know mom. I've always realized and knew we had money but I want to earn everything on my own. I don't want anything handed to me."

"There are times you are so much like your mother it shocks me. Now tell me more about this school you want to go to."

"It's $15,000 for the first two years and then goes up to $36,000 when I stay on campus.

I know it's expensive. Plus you have to buy the books, all needed supplies, and there's some extra fees depending on what extra-curricular activities I do. It's the top military academy in New York. Over ninety percent of its graduates go on to Annapolis, West point, or the Citadel. Those that go directly into the military are up of OCS within four years."

"OCS?"

"Officer Candidate School."

"You have really done your research haven't you?"

"I have mom and I really want this. It would help me out so much in my military career but if you don't want me too I do understand."

"What about after your military career?"

"I want to join NYPD like mom. Although to be truthful I don't think I can work in SVU. I don't see how mom can do it for as long as she has. I was thinking homicide or robbery maybe even property crimes. But the one thing I know is I want to be NYPD like mom."

"It looks as if you have done your research."

"Got to have all the facts before doing a presentation mom."

"True. I will be honest I'm not happy with your career choice. I want my baby girl at home safe and sound as a doctor or lawyer. Not on the front lines of a battlefield whether it's overseas or here at home on the front lines as a police officer. But that is being a parent. I will make you this deal. I will schedule a tour and meeting with the dean of the school. Afterwards me and your mother will discuss it in great detail."

"Yes ma'am but mom the head of the school is called commander not dean."

"Fine smarty the commander of the school."

"Thank you so much mom." Maddie said as she hugged Alex tight to her. "I love you."

"I love you too baby. I love you too."


	54. Touring the School

Olivia couldn't help but laugh to herself as she looked around the military campus that Maddie wanted to attend. Anytime they would walk up or start to pass a cadet they would snap to attention. The fact that the commander was leading them around campus had them saluting also. The first few times Olivia had snapped to attention and returned the salute out of habit. Each time earning a smirk and slight laughter from Alex.

Alex was starting to see and understand the appeal that the school held to Maddie. It had the structure and command philosophy that the NYPD had and Olivia thrived off of. There was no doubt in Alex's mind that even though medically there was not one strand of DNA in Maddie from Olivia she was nothing but a blonde hair, blue eyes, and fair skin version of her.

"To your left is the fitness center that is open to all cadets and the obstacle course that all cadets are required to pass." Commander Stewart said as he pointed to a building. "We test them the first week that they arrive and they must maintain a certain level of physical assessment to stay in the cadet program."

"What does that level consist of Commander?" Alex asked.

"It's dependent upon age and gender Mrs. Cabot."

"Mrs. Benson, Commander" Alex corrected for about the twentieth time since meeting him about an hour ago. He seemed determined to call her by her maiden name.

"What would our daughters assessment test consist of then Commander?" Olivia asked as she placed a hand on the small of Alex's back.

"Considering her age when she enters the academy she will be required to run the mile in fourteen minutes do at least 20 push-ups in a minute and 20 sit-ups in a minute also. She will also have to hang from a pull up bar for 30 seconds."

"Why not a requirement on pull-ups?"

"Since most females are unable to perform pull ups the academy only requires them to hold their body weight from a bar for thirty seconds."

"If they can do pull ups?"

"Then they are a step above the rest." The Commander said "Would you like to see the barracks the cadets stay in?"

"Yes please" Alex said as she glanced over at Olivia noticing the tightly set jaw. She knew the Commander was starting to aggravate her as much as he was her.

"All rooms are four man rooms. There are two bunk beds, two desks the cadets share and four locking cabinets for their uniforms. The locking cabinets have two drawers at the bottom. The rooms must remain inspection ready at all times." The commander stated as he opened a door to a room.

Olivia looked around and shivered at the coldness of the room. The walls were a dull white. The beds, desks, and locking cabinets were a dull brown. The carpet was a light gray left over from the sixty's. Had everything been metal it would have reminded her of a jail cell at Rikers.

"She will be housed in a room like this with four other females." The commander said pulling Olivia from her thoughts "When she is a junior and senior she will be housed in two man rooms unless she earns a commanding rank. Then she will have a room to herself. The lavatory is down the hall. There are four shower stalls and heads. "

"What time is wake up?" Alex asked.

"All cadets have to be in formation by five. What time they chose to wake up is their choice as long as they are in the court yard for drill."

"How long is drill?" Olivia asked backing out of the room.

"They drill for an hour and half in the morning before breakfast and then another hour after dinner their freshman year. If you like we can step back to my office and I can show you what a freshman on campus daily schedule is and we can discuss the fees associated with tuition."

"That would be great." Alex said after glancing at Olivia to make sure she wanted to.

"Then follow me Miss Cabot."

"That is Mrs. Benson Commander we are legally married." Alex corrected the commander again "I am asking you to please stop referring to me using my maiden name I have been Mrs. Olivia Benson for close to sixteen years."

"Yes ma'am" The commander grounded out as he glanced over his shoulder at the two women.

"Ladies please have a seat" The commander said as he went to his filing cabinet and began pulling out forms before having a seat at his desk. "Here is a copy of a freshman's agenda and the classes they are required to take. The general classes meet the requirements for the state. They are required to take classes on the history of the military and such."

"This is for someone starting in the ninth grade though?"

"Yes"

"Maddie would like to start in the seventh grade as a day student."

"Will she be entering the Cadet program then?"

"Yes"

"Then she will have a head start. The tuition for day students is cheaper than that of on campus students."

"Tuition is not an issue" Olivia said as she leveled her eyes at the commander. She was really getting tired of his innuendos that he kept tossing around.

"Of course ma'am we do have some scholarships available to help with the costs. There are some extra forms you would need to fill out. Although you will have to have the father fill out a portion of those forms as well."

"I want you to understand something and understand it right now" Alex said through clenched teeth as she slammed the paper work in her hand on the commander's desk. "There is no father, never has been a father, and never will be a father. In case you haven't caught on we are a gay couple. A happily married gay couple that so far has raised three very beautiful and healthy children."

"Ma'am" The commander started to say but quickly snapped his mouth shut when Olivia shook her head to keep quiet.

"I am also tired of your hints that we cannot afford a school like this for our daughter. At any time you have been calling me by my maiden name has it dawned on you what it was? My guess no. My maiden name is Cabot. As in the Cabot's in the Senate and congress. The Cabot's who vote on whether or not to keep funding this school."

Olivia couldn't help but laugh as she watched all the color drain from the commander's face when realization hit him.

"That's right sir. I am that Cabot. The Cabot that with one phone call can close this school down. So the next time you plan to disrespect me, my wife, or my family again I would thing real long and hard about that."

The commander nodded as he swallowed slowly.

"Now if it wasn't for the fact that for some reason my daughter has her heart set on this school I would have already left this campus and called my family. So let's start again shall we."

"Yes Miss Ca…Mrs. Benson" The Commander almost stammered out.

"Now that we have reached an understanding may I have all the paperwork I need for my daughter to enroll as a seventh grader day student? She does wish to start in the military program immediately as well. I trust that wouldn't be a problem with her being a day student."

"No Mrs. Benson." The Commander stammered again as he shuffled papers together and placed them in a manila envelope. "Here is all the information that you will need and all the forms that are needed. If you need anything else either myself or my secretary will be more than happy to assist you."

"Thank you" Alex said as she stood and took the envelope from the Commander "We will be getting back with you shortly. Thank you for the tour."

"Yes Ma'am" he said as he escorted the two women to the door and secured it behind them once they left.


	55. The Decision

**A/N: I want to thank everyone for their reviews on the last chapter. To clear up a few things. Maddie will be going into the seventh grade. I did skip a few years in the interest of the story. I will admit that it is possible I am off a few years. Math never has been and never will be a strong point for me. If so I am so sorry. As always reviews are welcomed.**

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><p>Alex and Olivia sat at the table going over the paperwork and everything that would be needed for Maddie to start at the Military Academy. There was more forms needed for that school than was ever needed by NYPD and they could invent some forms.<p>

After a long discussion they were both unsure as to whether they wanted Maddie to go to a school that showed such disrespect to their lifestyle. Even though the DADT policy from the military had been lifted there were still some that old school military who believed that gays should be denied their right to fight for their country. As much as it angered Olivia and especially Alex they knew this was something they had both been fortunate enough not to have to deal with in their life. They always had the fear that their children would have to deal with the backlash of it but up to this point they never had to. They knew that they couldn't protect them forever but that didn't stop them from wanting to or attempting to.

"Mom where are you?" Maddie called out as she entered the house tossing her book bag to the floor by the door. She knew they were visiting the school today and had hoped that they liked the school. She really wanted to go there to get a jump start on her career choice.

"We're both in the dining room sweetheart." Olivia called back.

"So what did you think? Did you like it? Will I be able to go there starting next year? Please mom please." Maddie spouted off in the same fashion that Alex would use to question a suspect on the stand.

"Sit down and let's talk." Alex ordered causing Maddie's face to fall.

"Yes Ma'am" Maddie uttered disappointment evident in her voice.

"We just have a few questions for you honey." Olivia said trying to calm and sooth their daughter.

"Yes ma'am"

Alex glanced at Olivia and continued when Olivia nodded in her direction giving her the lead. It was times like this that they were grateful that they could communicate without words.

"Honey are you a hundred percent sure that this is what you want to do?" Alex asked more relaxed than when she instructed Maddie to have a seat at the table.

"It is mom. As for military secondary schools this one is top in the nation. I can go to the citadel or west point from here."

"Honey you could go to those schools anyways without going to a military school."

"I know mom but it is so much easier to get accepted and there is less paperwork if you go from a military school. Not to mention if I continue in the private school I am in I will have to have some recommendations from senators and such."

"Honey I believe you could get any recommendation you will ever need without a problem" Olivia said laughing.

"I know all I would have to do is call Uncle Joe or Aunt Caroline but I would only be getting those because of who I am not what I have or can accomplish."

"The downfall of being related to a Cabot." Alex said saying what Maddie was afraid to.

"Yes." Maddie said hanging her head.

"Honey there is nothing to be ashamed of. You want to get what you want without using your family name. That is commendable. I did the same thing when I went to college."

"Really?"

"Yes. That is how me and your mother met." Alex said reaching across and taking Olivia's hand in hers the love shining through her eyes.

"How did you meet mom?" Maddie asked knowing the best way to get what she wanted was to sidetrack her parents a little.

"I was training at the police academy" Olivia said her voice raw with emotion "I would always go to the café your grandparents owned to study. They had some of the strongest coffee and the nicest looking waitress I had ever saw."

Alex blushed as Olivia stared into her eyes.

"One night as I was walking out of the café I caught how your mom was looking at me in the reflection of the glass. We had danced around our attraction to each other and I decided then if anything was ever going to happen I needed to jump in both feet. I turned and asked her out. To my surprise she said yes. The rest is pretty much history."

"It never bothered you that she was a Cabot?"

"I didn't exactly know how wealthy she was for a while. By that point I was so far gone I could have cared less. I was never in it for the money. I wanted the love of this blonde hair blue eyed woman."

"Your story is like a lifetime movie I swear."

"You have no clue" Alex said laughing thinking about all the ups and downs they had encountered and came out stronger than ever before. "Now, back to this school."

"I did extensive research and I have had a few visits to the school. I wanted to know fully what I was getting myself into before I asked you for this."

"Visits?" Olivia asked concern evident in her voice "You traveled to this school by yourself?"

"No mom." Maddie said shaking her head "I am very aware of how dangerous the world is. I had grandpa take me."

"Dad never said anything." Alex whispered more to herself than anyone

"I asked him not to until I was sure this was what I wanted."

"As upset I am about this information I am glad you have someone other than us to confide in and discuss the things happening in your life." Olivia stated making a mental note to thank him for being there for Maddie.

"Thank you mom." Maddie whispered as she looked from one parent to the other "So will I be able to go there next year?"

"To be honest we are not too happy with the commander of the school. He was extremely rude to your mother." Alex said watching her daughters face fall "But you seem dead set on this school. I can overlook his improprieties toward us if this is what will make you happy."

"Really I can go?"

"As soon as we know you understand that there is a physical test that you must pass and when you start staying on campus you will share the room with three other girls. There is no privacy there."

"I know about the physical test mom. I have to run the mile in fourteen minutes do at least 20 push-ups in a minute and 20 sit-ups in a minute and hang from a pull up bar for 30 seconds. That is why I asked for the extra gym class that my school was offering. It is boot camp style. I am running my mile just under thirteen minutes and can do almost double the required push-ups and sit-ups as required. I am up to ten pull-ups in a minute even though all I have to do is hang there. I don't want to be out done by a guy."

"That's my girl" Olivia said with pride streaming off her face.

"As for the privacy when I join the military it will be me and about twenty-five if not more females in one dorm. I have to learn now otherwise it will be a culture shock to me when I join. Now about the school? Can I go?"

Alex and Olivia looked at each other and then back at Maddie before allowing a smile to cross their features.

"Honey the forms are finished and the check has already been written for your first years tuition. I just need to know if you want to do any extra-curricular activities."

"Not my first year but in eighth grade I may want to do some."

"Just let us know."

"I love you both very much." Maddie said as she stood and hugged Alex and Olivia. "This means a lot to me. I will work very hard to make you proud of me."

"We love you very much too honey and we are proud of you each and every day." Olivia said as she kissed Maddie's forehead.


	56. The Future

Olivia's lungs screamed for oxygen as she ran after the perp. Even though she ran at least five miles a day at the track and worked out in the gym daily she was struggling to keep up with the current perp she was chasing. This just reaffirmed what she was taught in the academy. Officers aged but perps always stayed within the 18-25 age range.

"STOP POLICE." Olivia shouted as she looked both ways before darting across the intersection. Using the curb as the leverage she needed she launched herself toward the suspect tackling him like a quarterback.

"Sir you are under arrest for the rape and murder of Maryanne Ruger." Olivia huffed out as she cuffed his hands behind his back gasping for some much needed air.

"Nice tackle partner" Elliot said as he caught up to them.

"Thanks." Olivia said as she stood on her feet accepting Elliot's assistance. "One thing is for sure I am getting too old to be chasing after perps. I almost didn't catch him."

"You're never to old to chase after perps"

"El lets face it. Maddy turns eighteen this week and graduates in a month. The twins are growing so fast that I miss so much on a daily basis. Just the other day AJ hit a grand slam that I missed because I was questioning the newest piece of scum we have caught."

"Olivia the job is the same as its always been."

"I know but I'm really starting to re think it. Maddy will be eighteen this week and graduating School next month. She has been accepted to West point Academy with honors and a full ride. The boys have decided they would like to follow in her footsteps so they begin the Academy in the fall. Alex is spending less time at Joyful Heart and more time at home now. I have been thinking about doing the same."

Elliot stared at his partner and knew this was not a decision that she had leaped to. This was one that she had apparently been considering for awhile. He understood how she felt. He almost lost his son a few years ago after a case they had been on caused a friend of his to die. Dickie had given him two options. Sign the paperwork to enter the army early or wait till he was eighteen and he would never see him again. With Kathy's plea's he signed the paperwork and Dickie left for basic when he was seventeen. Now they were slowly rebuilding their relationship. He knew all too well the strain the job took on them.

"What would you do if you retired? You're what we call a cops cop."

"I have no clue El but I wouldn't be woken up at two in the morning to see how horrible one human can be to another. I wouldn't have to see the look of worry and fear in Alex's eyes that she tries to hide anymore. I wouldn't kiss my sons goodbye and wonder if they will be the last kiss they will ever get from me."

"I know. Trust me I know."

"Alex I'm home." Olivia called later that evening as she walked through the front door and tossed her keys on the table by the door. She had yet to discuss with Alex what she had talked over with Elliot earlier that day. It just seemed to pop out when she made the arrest that afternoon.

"Hey stud" Alex husked out as she leaned against the door going to the kitchen.

Olivia stood there trying to slow her heart rate and regulate her breathing after seeing Alex. It was amazing how after all this time one look from her had her as turned on as the first day she walked up to the table in the café. They were truly an example of how their desires grow as they grew older not the opposite.

"Hey Blondie" Olivia whispered as she pulled Alex to her and inhaled the heavenly scent of vanilla soap and shampoo that Alex used "Where are the boys?"

"With mom and dad remember. We have the night to ourselves."  
>"That's good Blondie because we need to talk."<p>

"Come on" Alex said as she led Olivia into the kitchen sitting her at the island as she poured her a cup of coffee/ Once she placed it in front of her she sat propped up next to Olivia "What's bothering you stud?"

"What would you say if I told you I have been considering retiring."

"Honestly I would be thrilled. To know you'd home and out of danger everyday will be a great relief. But your a cop's cop, can you handle retirement."

"That's the same thing El said to me when I brought this up. Truthfully I don't know if I can handle it but I do know that I'm getting older and the perps are getting younger. I also know I have missed some major milestones in our lives and our kids lives because of the job. For some reason it is now weighing on me something fierce."

"You have been there for everything that has counted. When the kids were younger you would come home tuck them in read them a story and kiss them good night every night no matter what was going on. You have never once let me down or not been there for me so I want that thought out of your head now. Honey if retirement is what you want you know I support you one hundred percent. I always have and always will."

"I know. I feel like its time to close this chapter in my life and start a new one. Our golden years. Lets face it I'm getting to old to do three am call outs. No matter how much I run and work out the perps are getting younger and stronger. Hell the last time I worked straight through for days on in I had to take at least three hour nap each day. I still remember working fifty hour straight before hitting the crib for thirty only. I can't do it anymore. Physically, mentally, and emotionally I am drained of the job."

"Honey you four have outlasted and broken expectations with staying with SVU. The average tour is two years. You have been there for well over twenty years almost thirty with the department. Maybe it is time to retire. If not retire transferring to a different department but if we want to be honest to ourselves you will not survive in another department."

"I know."

"So you decide what you want to do. I support you no matter what."

Olivia looked up into the blue eyes that stole her heart when she looked into them when she was twenty one. The crystal blue eyes that she for the first time ever saw her future. The same blue eyes that she found herself melting into on a daily basis. Looking into those eyes she decided then and there what she not only needed to do but had to do with al her heart. Tomorrow morning she was turning in her letter of retirement.


	57. Announcement

One look at Olivia's face the next morning told Elliot everything he needed to know. She had made her decision and was leaving the department. He couldn't blame her and really never would. To be truthful when he discovered about her past he was truly amazed that she lasted more than a year. Her determination to right the wrong done to her mother decades ago made her one hell of an outstanding detective.

He wasn't going to lie either. Her considering retirement had begun to get him to think about his future. He loved his job and could tell he was making a difference even though on some days he often wondered. The fact of the matter was that he had never worked as well or as long with someone as he did Olivia and the last thing he wanted to do this late in the game was break in a rookie.

"Is dad in?" Olivia asked walking up and placing a hand on Elliot's shoulder letting him know without announcing it to everyone yet.

"Yeah, he got here a few minutes ago."

"Thanks" Olivia whispered as she headed for Cragen's door.

She took a deep breath before knocking on his door. Career wise this was probably the hardest thing she had ever had to do.

"Come in." Cragen called out.

"I need to talk to you sir." Olivia said as she walked in and shut the door behind her.

Cragen looked up from the folder he was going over and glanced at her. The look on her face told him it was extremely important.

"Sit" He said as he motioned to the chairs in front of his desk.

"I've been thinking sir" Olivia said as she sat and tears started to form in her eyes "I think it's time for me to retire."

Cragen leaned back in his chair and took a deep breath. Hearing that she was wanting to retire was like someone sucker punching him in the gut. Over the years he had truly began to think that she would out last him and one day take his spot as Captain even though she never seemed interested in rank.

"When would you like this to go into effect?" He asked his voice raw with emotion.

"First of next month."

"Can I ask why?"

"I think I've finally hit my limit sir. The two am call outs is starting to wreak havoc on my body. I can no longer go fifty hour straight without sleeping. Hell yesterday I barely caught the perp. Like they say in the academy suspects never age but we do. My daughter turns eighteen next week and graduates in a month with a full ride to West Point Academy and my boys want to follow in her footsteps. Alex has cut her hours back at Joyful heart and is home more. We can finally slow down and enjoy our golden years together."

"I will call HR today and get you the forms to fill out. You have definitely earned and deserved this retirement." Cragen said as he stood and walked around the desk to her "You will be missed I can promise you this."

Olivia stood and Cragen pulled her into a bone crushing hug.

"I love you like you are my own daughter." He whispered trying to keep the tears at bay.

"I know and you are the father I never had. It means the world to me."

"What about them?" Cragen asked nodding toward the bullpen where the guys were throwing paper back and forth toward each other. "When and how would you like to tell them?"

"I want to do it now. Go ahead and do it so it won't be a shock to them when they discover it."

"It's your call. We'll play this how you want." Cragen said as he held the door open for her and followed her out. That was when it hit him that the next two weeks would be the last time he would see her in the bullpen as a detective.

"Listen up." Cragen voice boomed to get everyone's attention. "Olivia has something she would like to say."

Olivia looked out to the faces that had became the family she never had. All three of the guys the older brothers who looked out for her and Cragen their father. Scenes flashed through her mind of times with each guy that cemented a bond that could never and will never be broken. Fin when he saved her in the basement of the women's prison seeing her at her weakest yet never speaking a word to anyone. Munch her understanding when they had a case that dealt with his ex-wife and her schizophrenia. Most importantly let's not forget the constant entertainment with conspiracy theories he would always spin. With Elliot it was a lifetime of partnership, respect, and understanding. Theirs was a bond born in blue and never to be broken.

"This is not easy for me." Olivia said as she let the tears fall freely "I love each and every one of you as if you were my flesh and blood. In a way we are. This is probably one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make professionally. I have decided that it is time for me to turn in my papers. Spend more time with my wife and family. I've asked for it to be effective the first of next month."

Each face fell when the realization hit them that they were losing one of their own. Unlike the many other times in their careers this time it was on their terms and not that of the scum they fought daily. Fin was the first to step forward.

"We'll miss you." He said as he hugged her to him.

Elliot simply stood and wrapped his arms around her their eyes meeting for a moment saying everything that needed to be said without the words that would bring both of them to tears.

"Good for you." Munch said as he smacked her on the back. "It took you long enough to become a kept woman. Hell if it had been me I'd done it the second I said I do."

This brought a much needed round of laughter to an emotional charged room. They could always count on Munch to bring the smiles with his dry sense of humor.

"Alright guys let's get these case closed." Cragen said bringing attention back to the cases at hand 'We wouldn't want Olivia to spend her retirement going back and forth to trials for these cases now does we."

"No sir" Everyone said in unison as they turned to the plasma screen and began to close what will be the last case of Olivia's career as one of New York's finest.


	58. Good bye

**A/N: Wow its hard to eblieve that this story is finally comign to an end. I was again shocked at the amount of followers I had for this story. I know there was times I disappeared for long periods of time and didn't update but my faithful readers was still there when I coudl return. I hope I can get back into writing and posting on a more regular basis. Please enjoy.**

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><p>Olivia rode the elevator up to the fifth floor for one last time. She was supposed to retire four days ago but as luck would have it they didn't wrap the case up till yesterday evening. Even though Captain Cragen had told her she could leave Olivia was never one to not see something through.<p>

"Look who made it?" Elliot said as he leaned back in his chair with a cat that ate the canary look.

"What have you done now?" Olivia asked as she sat the box she had been carrying on her chair.

"Nothing."

"The look tells me otherwise." Olivia said as she began to place her belongings in the box.

"Actually I got you a little going away present." Elliot said as he stood and handed Olivia a black velvet box all joking aside.

"El" Olivia said taking it her hands shaking.

"Go ahead open it."

Olivia slowed lifted the lid and let the tears flow freely. Inside was a necklace. Not just any necklace but Elliot's Semper Fidelis necklace. The very one he had proudly worn under his t shirt right next to his St. Michael necklace.

"Elliot" Olivia choked out.

"Turn around" Elliot said as he removed the box and necklace from her hands. Very carefully he placed the necklace on her neck and secured the clasp. Kissing it before whispering in her ear.

"Semper FI."

Olivia turned and wrapped her arms around him tightly and whispered the same back to him. Finally allowing the tears fall freely that she had fought to keep at bay for the past few weeks.

"I thought we were going to make it out this morning without any tears." Munch said as he walked in on the scene unfolding before him. "Better yet I didn't even know you knew how to show emotion Liv."

"Shut old man." Olivia said as she released Elliot and turned to swat at Munch.

"I may be old but I can still save your ass."

"That you can." Olivia said as she extended her hand knowing Munch was never one for showing emotions. Which is why it shocked her when Munch pulled her to him in a tight bear hug.

"Take care of yourself kiddo." He whispered in her ear "I'm always a phone call away no matter the time no matter the need."

"Thanks John." Olivia whispered back before being released.

"Hey baby girl." Fin said as he exited the Captains office "glad I caught you."

"What do you have?" Olivia asked out of habit reaching for a pen.

"Apparently a cop who doesn't remember she's retired."

"Old habits die hard."

"They do. I wanted to tell you bye. I'm going to miss having you around. Seeing your beautiful face on a daily basis. Most importantly knowing no matter what you had my back, each of our backs."

"I'll miss you too." Olivia said as she hugged him tightly.

"Anything we can help you with?"

"No just throwing the few personal items I have here in this box."

"Dad's in his office he has something for you."

Olivia nodded and headed toward Cragen's office. It hit her like a ton of bricks as she opened the door and realized she would never make that walk again.

"You needed me sir."

"I do." Cragen said as he stood "Shut the door please."

Olivia shut the door and quietly walked up to his desk.

"Normally this takes months to occur but I still have a few friends that have stars on their shoulders so I was able to expedite the process." Cragen said as he handed her a black flip wallet that said NYPD on the cover.

Olivia took it and slowly opened it. Inside was her most recently employee ID card with retired stamped at the bottom and next to it was a NYPD badge. Her badge with retired engraved across the bottom.

"Captain."

"You deserve it. Whether you're on the clock you're not you are one of us. Have always been and you will always be until the day we perform a 21 gun salute at your funeral. Even then after that you will still be one of us."

"Thank you, Sir."

"Olivia be careful out there and if you ever get bored you have a job waiting for you right here. Don't ever forget that."

"I know Dad." Olivia whispered as she hugged him and gave him on the cheek.

"I guess I need to give you this and finish packing." Olivia said as she reached on her hi and unclipped her holster. She cleared the magazine and the one in the chamber before handing it to Cragen.

She took one last glance around before walking out to her desk and placing the few items she had left to pack in the box.

"Be safe guys always watch your six." Olivia said as she looked at her brothers of blue.

"Always." They said in unison.

"Friday night my house steaks and beer."

"Wouldn't miss it" Elliot said as he gave her one of the saddest smiles she had ever seen from him.

With that said and done Olivia quickly picked the box up and looked around one last time as Detective Olivia Benson of the Special Victims Unit at the 1-6. Slowly she turned and walked out the door. What the guys didn't hear as the door closed behind her was Olivia saying thank you for the memories I will cherish everyone.

What she didn't see was four of the bravest and strongest grown men finally breaking down and crying like never before as they watched her walk away.


	59. Epilogue

**A/N: Its hard to imagine that this story has come to an end. I want to thank everyone that stayed with me even through my hiatus. I hope everyone has enjoyed reading this story as much as I have enjoyed writing it.**

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><p>"Benson" Olivia said as she answered her phone half asleep.<p>

"Hey baby girl sorry to wake you but we are going to need you at Mercy."

"I'll be there as quick as I can." Olivia said as she hung the phone up and rolled over to face Alex.

"They need you?" Alex asked as she sat up and swung her feet over the side of the bed.

"Yeah they do baby. It must be bad."

"Go hope in the shower and I will get the coffee going." Alex said as she wrapped her robe around her and headed for the bedroom door.

Olivia smiled as she watched her wife head out the door. So much had changed since she retired over eight years ago. Elliot had followed in her footsteps about six months after her and put in his papers for retirement. The deciding factor for him was when he had to take the life of a young girl his daughter's age. She had came into the precinct and shot and killed the man who had not only raped her mother but had her killed to. In the process the ATF agent who was dirty was shot and Sister Peg was killed. It took almost a year for him to have any type of contact with anybody at the 1-6, herself included. When he finally came back around he explained that he had lost so much that he needed time for just himself and his family before he found the barrel of his gun. Everyone more than understood that feeling at one time or another they had all felt like the best way to handle anything was to swallow their piece.

Cragen was given an option either retire or be let go. This was after a case of where he woke up in bed with a dead woman covered in her blood. He had no memory of what had happened much less how he wound up in the motel with the victim. The squad worked day and night for almost a month to help clear Cragen. Olivia had even stepped back in to help clear him. Alex had appointed herself as his counsel making sure he had the best representation there could be. In the end even though he was cleared of all charges the department said there had been too much bad publicity. Cragen didn't argue with putting his papers in. He decided that it was time to move on with his life.

Munch had stepped in as the commander of the squad considering he had the rank and was senior officer. That lasted for maybe a year until he had a massive heart attack and was declared medically unfit for duty. After that he took his retirement from Philadelphia and New York and finally opened the bar he always ranted about. It had become the new cop hang out once it started going. That suited Munch because he was able to stay in the loop and even assisted some of the newer detectives with their cases. At any given moment you could find any member of the team there bartending or waitressing what he needed help with. Even Cragen who was a recovering alcoholic would assist.

Fin was the only one who stayed with SVU after everyone took their leave. He always said that there was no way could leave the squad to a bunch of rookies to mess up what they had worked so hard for. He had diligently trained four new detectives and so far they were working out great. Just last month he had been promoted to Captain of the 1-6 and led the team with the same dedication that Cragen had always showed them.

Fin being promoted to Captain led her to where she was now. She had joined Alex's non-profit Joyful Heart Foundation as a trained rape crisis's counselor specializing in children. There was one week a month that she was on call unless the case was too bad and then Fin would call her directly. She had joined JHF about two years after retirement when Fin and Rollins had a case dealing with the back log of DNA test kits on rape cases. It shook her to the core that there was so many women like her mother waiting to receive justice. With the help of Alex and her political connections she was able to campain for new bills to stop the back log. So far she had been successful in fifteen states and many more were in the process of passing the bill.

While working hard at getting the bills passed she realized how much she missed working with the victims and making a difference on the front line. She didn't want to go back to working full time as a detective but still wanted to help victims. That was when Alex hatched the plan to add a counselor section to the JHF that specialized in sexual abuse only. Olivia was overjoyed and signed up for the needed classes she needed. Once she had taken the class and received her certification. Alex decided that with Olivia's background and training it would be best to have her as the head counselor and the one who chose who worked in that division. Also with that making her the head counselor they were still able to travel and see their children.

Maddie had made it up the ranks in the Army and was currently station in Germany. Jonathan had received a full ride to Annapolis upon graduation and had graduated from there with honors. Andrew enlisted in the Marines upon graduation and had recently attended Officer Candidate School and graduated. Since all the children enlisted in different branches Olivia often joked they should have had a fourth child so they would have one in all the branches. Alex would always roll her eyes then get a devious smile reminding her it wasn't too late to have that fourth child.

"Hey stud roll out of the bed and get going." Alex said as she reappeared with a cup of coffee.

Olivia darted from the bed and quickly pinned Alex against the wall and stared into the crystal blue eyes that stole her heart so long ago. Her hair was now all gray and she had put on a few pounds throughout the years but that didn't stop the desire she felt for her every time she looked at her.

Alex wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck and melted into her arms. They were a true testament that you can survive anything with love. They had separated, lost a child, endured a contracted hit on her from a drug lord, and more close calls with death than either of them would ever admit for Olivia. Yet here they stood just as strong as they ever were. All of it began so many years ago in a café owned by her parents.


End file.
